**************************************************************

.

2007-05-24T00:29:00.000-07:00

Why do we drop our lives to give everything we have to one person, when it turns out that person is just comparing you to someone else? How can we regain anything when we go all with the blind and wait for the other players cards to show? Why is it okay for someone to make you feel so little, while you put that person on a pedestal and praise everything they do or say? Why is it wrong when they

So much for resolutions

2007-04-02T13:41:00.000-07:00

You can pretty much disregard the last post because I know I have.Basically right now, I'm feeling washed up like a beached whale. No it has nothing to do with PMS or the fact that I'm about as self confidant as a 400lb woman standing on the 28th story balcony with paper thin glass separating her from death.You make me feel like shit. Yes, you. I've lived with you for 3 months now. I kinda wish I

Why hasn't the world ended yet?

2007-01-01T16:14:00.000-08:00

Well it's two thousand and seven.This year, it's all me.I am not going to starve myself for a month trying to loose my thighs, only to give up after one really bad cramp and a serious craving for lindor chocolates.I am not going to force myself to tame my temper and pretend that everything is fine when I know damn well that I have every god dammed right to be pissed and YOU need to hear about it.

Like Pink, I'm not dead, just ugly.

2006-09-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

Long time no post.Basically I neglected you because I've done a lot of growing up in the past year.I realized that when I did post it was fucking retarded shit about how emo I was and serious depression was probably on the way.I've got a new job now. Yes again. I'm half-ass managing a whoretel in this shitty ass town I call house. Not home. That would be too normal.I've decided I'm going to

2005-12-24T14:05:00.000-08:00

Mr. Right isn't exactly a stud, he could be zitty, or short, or even a little scrawny for your tastes. He doesn't look anything like the last guy you were having sex with for an extended period of time. Yet, you wanna get to know him. Mr. Right is a talker. He's into you and you know it. You know you like him too, just aren't sure if you could hit that with a straight face. Mr. Right comes to see

Heated discussion about cows.

2005-02-01T11:16:00.000-08:00

Me: why don't you just have a steak. Amanda: because I don't eat meat. Me: so tell me then, why do cows exist? If we didn't eat them do you think they would live in nice little cow houses and send their little calves to cow school and work infront of a computer all day? Would there be famous cows? With multi-million dollar movies, would cow mom sit at home all day reading "cow weekly"? Amanda:

IM BAAAAACK!

2005-01-26T16:46:00.000-08:00

It all started Christmas eve. I went out with my friend Amanda and got just a little drunk. I have a Christmas tradition which consists of me and a friend going out in the snow and taking down all the pink and blue lights in town and smashing them/eating them. I used to do this with my college roomie Tracy,(you all remember good ol' trac right?) but seeing as I'm a million miles away from her

Laundry Day:

2004-12-19T22:34:00.000-08:00

I went to the Laundromat today. With My friend Amanda. Amanda decided that it was a good idea to help out with my laundry. She grabbed everything that was on the floor in my room, and hallways, and kitchen, living room and bathroom (I guess I'll take off my clothes anywhere) threw it all in the bag, and toted it off to the heavens of water and soap. Red Nike sweater included. This summer I went

2004-12-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

I fucking hate work

2004-12-11T01:36:00.000-08:00

Work sucks. They make me go for half hour coffee breaks every two hours.... I have to sit around the water cooler and gossip. They make me take an hour lunch (paid) everyday. They make me wear antlers. The cool reindeer ones. YEAH. HOT. Sometimes they make me go to the bank. My boss makes me sleep with him. Some days, when no one has appointments I get to play on the internet. The phone

THE CRAZIES

2004-12-06T06:27:00.000-08:00

Holy crap I start my new job in an hour and a half. I haven't slept all night. I have butterflies. I think I'm going to puke. I'm seriously having mixed emotions right now. I wish I didn't quit the bar. I picked the wrong time to do it. It's the fucking holidays. I could have used that extra cash to buy people kick ass shit they don't need and don't want. So they could give it back to me

I make theaters so hot:

2004-12-03T03:53:00.000-08:00

Well today was the coolest and possibly worst day of my life. I slept in. I got to eat McDonalds. (If you live in buttfuck nowhere, you will get the significance)I went shopping. I went to the movies. I got to drive around a lot and speed. And I got new undies. I slept in and was late getting to the bank. I didn't get to pay any bills before I went shopping. I got to eat McDonalds, I ordered

Me= PURE AWESOMENESS

2004-12-02T04:56:00.000-08:00

I spend so much time online that I got a callus on my wrist from moving the mouse around a lot. CHECK IT OUT!

HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS MAKE ME NERVOUS:

2004-12-01T01:08:00.000-08:00

Thank god I'm not a public speaker. Laughs= me trying to break the awkward silence. I sound totally hot right? RIGHT? RIGHT? right. I sure do.

For every action there is an equal baDaSS Jenn reaction:

2004-11-28T23:49:00.000-08:00

I downloaded Windows service pack 2 and it fucked up my HP image zone.So I punched my computer in the face.A friend hung up on me on the internet.So I ate her baby.It was good.

Today I went to my family reunion at the hospital:

2004-11-20T01:24:00.000-08:00

My grandpa has been in the hospital since Wednesday, and today my grandma had a seizure and ended up there too. Plot of events since 530 this morning: 531am: I went to bed. 630am: I fell asleep. 830am: I get a frantic phone call from my mother telling me that I need to get to the hospital ASAP because my whole family is going to die or something. 831-838am: I stare at the ceiling and ask the

IM wicked popular on the intranetz:

2004-11-17T01:15:00.000-08:00

Today I got an email and I wanted to talk to the dude on MSN. So I went to add him, and this is what I got. I only have 133 contacts. MSN sucks. But I don't apparently, because I can max out a hotmail account. Has this happened to anyone else?

Holiday Spice

2004-11-13T19:43:00.000-08:00

I am by no means a germaphobe. I don't use 1000 bars of soap a day, I don't throw away cups after they have been used once, I'm not afraid to kiss someone, and I don't bring my own silverware to restaurants. But I'm so grossed out by other peoples spit. When my friends spit outside I gag. It was a big game one night called "who can hack up the nastiest loogie ever and make Jenn puke." Well

MISS ME?

2004-11-10T22:37:00.000-08:00

OK, time for an update and a change to the boring ol pink n black. What have I been doing? Pissing people off! Wicked cool, I know. I've gotten into a fist fight with my two closest girlie friends, worked 10 hour shifts, and gotten disowned by my mom and auntie. On Saturday my friend Amanda got into a fight with her boyfriend, and then my friend Jessie was trying to be the moderator and ended

MY DATE WITH THE LAW

2004-11-03T11:56:00.000-08:00

So yesterday, I met up with my parole officer. Turns out he's a super nice guy, or he could see my boobs. Either way,I got off a lot easier than I thought I would. I am ordered to pay 300 dollars by February 1/05. That's it. Not close to a grand like I thought it was going to be. Not 450 dollars like I thought it was going to be. And not before December 17 like I thought it was going to be. I

2004-11-03T01:15:00.000-08:00

DON'T FUCK THIS UP:

2004-11-01T18:53:00.000-08:00

It's decision time America, and all I can say is don't fucking screw these ballots up. I don't want to wait three days to find out the "winner" of the election because the people in California can't figure out a punch ballot. I don't want to hear that ballots are going to be considered "void" because they are fucking double punched. I don't want to hear that George W. Bush is the winner of the

2004-10-30T22:26:00.000-07:00

This makes me laugh

2004-10-29T01:02:00.000-07:00

My restaurant was just bought out by Koreans. They have put signs up EVERYWHERE. And most of them don't make sense. Like " autorized personel now" instead of authorized personnel only, and "keep door locked at all times" ON THE MAIN ENTRANCE. This one makes me laugh the most though. It's on the delivery door in the back. BAHAHAHA. NO!! PARKING. As if there should be more emphasis on the no,

FUCK THE RIAA.

2004-10-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

The whole argument that file sharing is making the record industry lose money is bullshit. I download songs all the time. I have like a gazillion MP3's. And guess what? I HAVE CDS TOO! And not ones that came out before CDRS were invented either. Two good reasons I buy CDS are: 1. Because I downloaded a song and fell in love. 2. My burner isn't working. For the sake of argument we're going to

MY BIG CITY NIGHT:

2004-10-27T02:31:00.000-07:00

I went to GP today. (the closest big city) First we decided to go to some bars... On a Tuesday. Needless to say, it sucked. So myself, my friend Amanda, and Eric went to Kelsey's (bar/lounge) and had a couple drinks. (when I say a couple I really mean 2000) here' a picture that Eric took when we were sitting at the table, just a little drunk. apparently he was a little drunk too because the

2004-10-25T01:27:00.000-07:00

Jenn, I surf the internet using an anonymous proxy server program. Today I used a proxy I never used before to access your page and look what I got. Congratulations, you've been blocked. What sucks is my page wasn't blocked through the same filter. Who the fuck do they think they are ? I'm every bit as bad as you dammit. Fuckers. Bing Here's a screenshot: First my site was picked

I'm hot

2004-10-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here are ten reasons why you should think I'm hot too. 10. I look the same with and without makeup. 9. I never wake up with drool all over me. 8. My eyes are killer. 7. I have good teeth. 6. I can cook. 5. I'm not a fatass. 4. I clean a mean house. 3. Sometimes when I'm really sick I wake up with snot all over the place. 2. When I drink hardbar I've been known to pass out in someone

Why do I ignore you?

2004-10-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

I hate it when people IM you and you have 90 other conversations going on and they expect themselves to be priority #1. And then they get all mad and call you a bitch and shit because you don't say hi within 25 seconds. I don't have time to talk to all of my adoring fans at once. Jesus christ. Sometimes I go through spells where no one talks to me for weeks because the last word I say to them

Microsoft kicked me in the face... again.

2004-10-20T21:33:00.000-07:00

Remember how I said that my Haloscan comments are fuckered? Well just today I got to thinkin about why. About two weeks ago I downloaded Microsoft's "VM 999431.01" and I enabled that to be my main Javascript reader or whatever you call it. TURNS OUT MICROSOFT VM DOESN'T LIKE TO READ ALL JAVASCRIPT. And thus, making me think I had some demon virus or something that was stopping me from having a

Mosaics:

2004-10-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

I was browsing the net today and I found a really cool program. Well, I think it's cool. It lets you get all artsy-fartsy with just the push of a button. In laymans terms, it lets you make mosaics with 99% less work than in grade 2. Here is an end result of one of my pictures. I works by taking your pictures already stored on your computer, and then imposing them on an image of your choice.

I'm old:

2004-10-17T15:44:00.000-07:00

Well kinda. I can no longer blame my stupidness/car accidents/drunkenness on teenage idiocy disorder. Because I'm an older adult now. suriusly. "the big 2-0" God damn. I just got distracted from posting for like 20 minutes... Where was I? oh yeah. The Big 20. It's not old enough to get social security, but too old to get child benefits. What a shitty age. Anyways. A phenomenon that has

MY BIRTHDAY:

2004-10-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

I was going to post this last night after I got home, but I was waaaaayyy to drunk to do anything that required thought. I'll give you a recap of what I remember I did. 9pm: I went to the bank and took out sufficient funds for the night. Is also the time I was supposed to go get my friend Jessie. 930pm: Finally done getting ready. One of my co-workers came over and gave me a gift. 10pm I get

NEW SB EMAIL:

2004-10-15T16:02:00.000-07:00

I think I have a new favorite! I really got, I really got pee. I really got, I really gotta pee pee.

THE INTERVIEW OF THE CENTURY:

2004-10-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

My name is Ian. I am best friends with someone that you know very well. So, out of courtesy I have decided to interview her. She has this website and it's pretty good compared to all of the other useless shit out there right now. And is also worthy of super-stardom. Her name's Jenn. ME: First off: What are you wearing? Jenn: ha. loser. I'm wearing your mom. Actually, white shirt, pink pj pants.

Update: I have no creative skills at all

2004-10-13T14:22:00.000-07:00

I fixed this shithole. With a blogger template because I'm lazy and too sick to fiqure out why my old coding was fucking almost everything about the site up. (ie: comments)I did a little hacking to it to make it look better, nothing major because like I said, me = lazy and stupid. anyways, you can now comment away. please do. as for me, I'm alive and still in pain, but with your money support I

2004-10-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

yeah i know this page is fucked right up ill fix it later, im so fucking sick right now its not even funny. and sitting hurts like hell because i cracked a goddammed rib. i look so hot. my right side of my back is swollen right up and i cant fucking walk without a severe hunch. anyways youre just going to have to live with this the way it is until i feel like doing shit about it. unless i decide

Ten ways to reject someone:

2004-10-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

10. If a semi-ugly guy asks for your phone number and you just know you could never fuck him, say something like " I already have a boyfriend." 9. Just say " I don't have a phone number. Give me yours, I'll call you" 8. Tell him that you're really busy and you don't have time for a guy right now. 7. Walk. Away. Fast. 6. Laugh really cute and make him want you more. 5. Say you've already got

Taking a cat top the vet

2004-10-09T01:55:00.000-07:00

ignore me im drubnk taking a cat to the vet sucks 'today i had to take a friends cat tothe vet in fartiview and it sucksed I got there and it turns out the cat is dying and its got kindny problems... but then domet we all? I went drinmking at wacys party tonight I saw a bunch of sluts . it qwias cool though because i played dj and i was rockiong the house t yoing is really hard. i got cat

HP SUCKS

2004-09-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

Is there one place you can go and NOT be bombarded by ads? NO. I just bought this. Every time I sign on, I get the cool "HP updates" pop-up. Full of useless shit like "buy a new HP computer now: Click here, or get MSN 8, or legally download songs from MSN music". BLAH BLAH BLAH. Pop-up blockers don't even block it. And you can't uninstall it. FUCK YOU. I like stealing copywrite material, I

MY FOOTY!

2004-09-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

Today I cut my foot open. Yes it hurts. Ya know that feeling you get when you just wake up, the one where you just feel at bliss with yourself and everything around you? Imagine having it ruined by something stabbing your fucking foot and pulling the skin back and then seeing the rush of red all over the nice new carpet. Thats what I woke up to today. I was walking through my hallway into

MY 101st POST!

2004-09-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

Some people choose to commemorate important things. I never do stupid shit like that. Read the archives. For the hell of it. LOVE ME. Don't you hate family "talks"? Oh god. My family thinks I'm the bastard son of the devil. And they tell me every day. I get the "So Jennifer, when are you going back to school?" question way too much. I am ready to go physco and kill. Everyone. I'M NOT GOIN

I hate this town.

2004-09-15T19:32:00.000-07:00

See that pile of shit in this picture? No, not the van. It's railnet's new sand pit. This is also the view from my window. Now, I live in a pretty damn nice house that I own and pay taxes on. What if I want to move? What if I want to sell this place... Don't tell me that shitload of sand isn't going to effect the price people are willing to pay for it. You know what they say... LOCATION

Kiss my ass:

2004-09-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

Doctors suck real bad. In case you haven't been paying attention, I am sick. I have been sick for about 2 weeks now. I finally broke down and went to see a doctor last week, which I really don't do unless my anus has exploded or I vomited up my last kidney. So I went and the doctor gave me some anti-biotics and made me get a blood test. ( I think it was to make sure I could still feel pain.) I

I fucking hate work

2004-09-12T23:18:00.000-07:00

I hate work so much. Yeah, I know you're thinking "who doesn't?". WEll. 1. My dad, the lawyer. 2. Doctors 3. Chickens. When you work a shitty job it is IMPOSSIBLE to be happy. Seriously. Working in a restaurant is a life full of dumb jokes repeated over and over by old customers about having their steak "cooked", and fake smiles. (all smiles from your hostess are FAKE. Unless you're hot. And if

Shit Fuck Shit

2004-09-11T01:10:00.000-07:00

Today I went to court and they sent me out within five fucking seconds. I have to go back on the 17th of December. I hate you all. BUT. I got my court package. (The file with all the evidence used against me.) AND. I got to read it. fucking bullshit. exibit A: my charge: theft under 5000, and possession of stolen property. To quote the statement of a certain cop, "Jennifer Maxwell was

HI EVERYBODY!

2004-09-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

ok. Lots to say. Not enough energy to type it out. First off: Where's my internet? There's no more Ojobojo, no more circleofaddiction fourms, and no more __________(some site I liked but forgot about)!111! ANDDDD! To top it all off, all the email I got from before is lost, and no, I NEVER GOT TO READ IT! Now if you want to be really nice and email me right fucking away, please do at this address

2004-04-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

What I have been doing: As a few of you may have noticed, I dropped off the face of the internet about a week and a half ago. I have heard a lot of rumors about what happened to me, and I am here to clear up some of the misconceptions. 1. I am not dead. I really am updating right now. I swear. This is not a ghost. 2. I didn't fall to my death while chasing chicken wings at the local bar. 3.

2004-04-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

Three things that are wrong in the world: 1. money 2. money 3. money I hate life.

2004-04-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Top ten reasons you probably piss me off. So this is my first post and I'm supposed to be all witty and shit, but I can't think of a fucking thing. Actually that's not true. I wrote a really long entry about how much women piss me off and how bitter I am but that didn't seem appropriate on a females blog. So, fuck it. Here's a top ten list. 10) You are driving and yapping on your cell

2004-04-03T19:19:00.000-08:00

DMX wants to be a pastor: The way I see it, if a rapper that swears more than (someone that swears a lot) can be a pastor, so can I. I am starting my own church. For realz yo'. Anyone that wants to do all the work for me is welcome to email me the bible... I have no freakin idea what the hell im talking about. ------ in other news: My computer is busted... so yeah, even less frequent updates...

2004-04-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

Happy fucking April fools day!

Ten reasons I wish I graduated:

2004-03-31T11:35:00.000-08:00

10. So I can say I did. 9. So I can say I did 8. So I can say I did 7. So I can say I did 6. So I can say I did 5. So I can say I did 4. So I can say I did 3. So I can say I did 2. So I can say I did 1. So I can say I did Do you have any idea how pathetic it is to say "I uhhh, dropped out of college."? FOR ME? I'm not trying to rag on all you guys/girls that quit because you wanted to. I quit

This made my day:

2004-03-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

You have achieved the Golden Mean! You are 58% pickup-able! You're like Jen. Do you know my friend Jen? You're just like her—she's like this cool girl who's attractive and funny. I should call Jen. Or maybe you're like my friend Steve. Regardless, you like to flirt, but not with ugly people. And when you lock eyes with the right person, you know how to turn the sparks into a towering inferno.

I bet you thought that was it:

2004-03-28T01:40:00.000-08:00

I'm betting you thought that the last entry was the last you would hear from me for another week. Hellz no. Even though you expect nothing from me, and really could give a shit if I update or not. WAIT. One of you does. So here goes. "Jennifer 8" sucks: I just watched the shittiest movie ever. With MY NAME AS THE FREAKIN TITLE. First off, with a name like "Jennifer 8" you would think I would

2004-03-27T20:56:00.000-08:00

Reasons you are obviously a robot: 1. Because. 2. I say you are. 3. Tie. 4. New sweaters make Jenn look like a preppy. 5. What was the point again? go have fun with this for a while

2004-03-25T14:16:00.000-08:00

Date: Wed, 24 Mar 2004 20:18:59 -0600 From: Bing To: jenn Subject: Holy shit 2 unnamed text/html 2.26 KB Ok, right up front, I'll admit it. I'm drunk. So if the rest of this e-mail sounds stupid and incoherent, please forgive me.( at least I'm not driving). I just tried to pull up your web page and it wouldn't come up the first couple of tries and I thought it was gone forever. I

2004-03-24T09:51:00.000-08:00

I died. I'm sorry. Reincarnation on Friday or Saturday though...

2004-03-21T00:19:00.000-08:00

What MSN convos with Tracy are like: it's actually worse in real life... Baby Gurl: im poopy Baby Gurl: today Tokie: haha Tokie: poopy Baby Gurl: i know sucks Tokie: yeah Baby Gurl: hello Baby Gurl: wut u doin Tokie: hi Tokie: cant you see me typing? Tokie: hello? Tokie: im standing on one hand with my left toe pointed 90 degrees to the right Baby Gurl: HI LOW! Baby Gurl:

2004-03-19T22:03:00.000-08:00

Work sucks: Yeah okay. Jenn is not a drama queen. I promise. BUT FUCK. (BUTTFUCK . Hah. Oh wow I'm cool.) I work at some shitty restaurant. Well, not shitty, but yah know? NEWAYZ. The staff is ALL CHICKS! ALL CHICKS OVER 30! (well except for me) And, most of them are stuck in perma-PMS mode. So much drama. No Mo' Drama. (whoa I'm awesome) So when you go to work someone's always bitching about

2004-03-16T22:42:00.000-08:00

Secrets people have told me: No names here.... But yeah, I'm a blabbermouth. ________ dated/slept with a guy when she was dating (BF). Dated the guy she cheated with for a day before hopping in the sack with him. Her BF was with her for 6 months before... And still is. Doesn't know. _______ lost her virginity at 14. Lied to the 22 year old and said she was 16. Came close to getting knocked up (

2004-03-14T20:39:00.000-08:00

I should update Yeah, I know I should. But I'm temporarily wayyyy too cool to have time to update this site. BLOG TIME: I went out quading last night and got all tipsy in the bush with some buddies. We tried to get a fire going but we suck and there was too much damn snow around us, so we went back to Ashely's place because it was like -96 degrees outside and we drank and drank and drank and

2004-03-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

I'm cool If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm

2004-03-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

What girls are REALLY thinking during sex: If you last longer than 10 minutes, "more" pretty much means "are you done yet?". OH MY GOD!= Write that down. Keep that for future reference. When she says "mmmmm"... You need to get your ass off the internet and find a hooker. If she screams someone else's name, just pretend you never heard it. Obviously, she's living out a fantasy, with someone

2004-03-07T06:17:00.000-08:00

Spring Break sucks: Everyone goes away for spring break. They go have fun, get drunk, strip, and sleep with lots of different people. They all leave widdle me behind. When I was a kid I used to get all excited for spring break. That was becase I used to stay home from school with my family and friends and do nothing but ride my bicycle around town. Good times, that was. BUT NOW, I have no

2004-03-06T06:36:00.000-08:00

Cameras piss me off: I took a picture of me and Ashley laying in the snow... We layed there freezing for like ten minutes. It didn't turn out. I took a picture of me and Ashley standing on this like bench swing thing, it was so hard to stay still and not make it swing and fall off. We got the picture though. It didn't turn out. I took a picture of the scariest old house in the world. I thought

2004-03-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

She Bangs! I am not one to sit around watching American Idol, or any TV for that matter, unless there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else to do. So when Will Hung was the only topic on everyones mind, I had no freakin idea who the hell they were talking about. Of course, the awesomeness that is me, read a Yahoo story or something about this kid and was like: "Uhhh, that's nice." and I never thought about

2004-03-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

I broke the internet: Jenn+anything computer related=bad news. I'm cursed. First it was the keyboard. I had to live like 2 weeks without a B key. It was hell, or so I thought... Last night I broke my phone jack. Yes, I am that stupid. For those of you that do not get the significance of this event, I have dial up. That needs a phone jack. This house sucks, it had ONE. (now three) So I had no

2004-03-02T23:56:00.000-08:00

Headaches suck dick. My head hurts. Really bad. And I can't sleep, but I'm so tired. Pity me. Pity me. I "updated" the about me thingy. Have a look if you're really fucking bored. Or you can be cool and play tic tac toe. It's fun. Trust me. Sleep, then food, then shopping. Ill have hot guy stories later. MMMM MALL! If you want cute boy stories/mall junk right now: www.ninjapirate.com EMAIL

2004-03-02T01:59:00.000-08:00

Canadian Currency: First we have the bills: 100: Yellowy-brown kinda color. Sought after by many, taken by me. I really like this bill because it's worth the most. DUH. 50: It's a faded red color, and seeing as red is my favorite color, it gets 6 thumbs up from me. And its worth more than pennies so it rules. 20: It's green. It reminds me of home. In other words, it sucks. I'm burning 30

2004-02-28T05:16:00.000-08:00

Cosmopolitan Magazine is the best thing ever: So I was shopping today, standing at the checkout... Reading all the magazine covers. Fun stuff, that was. (Rosie O'Donnel MARRIED! The losers from the Bachelor are SPLIT UP! Jennifer Maxwell needs A LIFE!) Anyway, I see the new issue of Cosmo, and being the "Fun. Fearless. Female." that I am, I picked it up. It had nothing to do with catchy cover

2004-02-27T00:04:00.000-08:00

FUCK FUCK FUCK: Okay maybe not... but you get the point right? Today was... umm purrrrrfect. Yeah, that's it. ofgm! Canada rocks my socks. To the limit. 11. Reasons. Why. I. Like. Canada. More than {insert your country here}: 10. HAHA! See, the title was #11. This is another wasted number too! WOW I'M COOL. 9. It's got hot guys. And pretty hot/nice chicks. But there's lots of hot guys. 8.

2004-02-26T04:38:00.000-08:00

Note to blog: I know I have been neglecting you, dear blog. I am aware that there has been many a night where you sit cold and hungry while your owner bashes her head against the wall for lack of something good to say. I know that it really disappoints you when all of your blog friends come over to your house and all the new stuff you have to show them is content ripped off from some website, or

2004-02-25T02:05:00.000-08:00

This amused me for 5 minutes: Googlism Type in your name and it will tell you what google "thinks of you." jennifer jennifer is missing jennifer is a missing solution jennifer is a dork jennifer is good jennifer is dead jennifer is currenty #1 most viewed profile jennifer is jennifer is beautiful jennifer is getting jennifer is a petite asian hottie jennifer is getting bike riding lessons

2004-02-22T05:59:00.000-08:00

I <3 this joke: The meaning of words used by women: FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right, and you need to shut up. Never use 'fine' to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguents. FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that you're football game is going to last before you take

2004-02-21T21:03:00.000-08:00

WTF WTF WTF! WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK? So so. Last night=don't go there gurlfriend! But I felt grrrreat this morning/when I woke up (3:30pm this afternoon.) I got up, put pants on, signed into MSN, and checked muh' email. Good times. Good times. Then I went and checked out all the sites that link me. Everything was fine until I got to Jbanks. I was looking at his referrer list, because I'm

2004-02-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

Royal pain ten things that piss me off. 10. Stoners that spend the whole time getting high when they're at a party. 9. Stepmoms that only want sex and money. So I guess females in general. 8. Sleeping all the freakin' time. 7. Cats. They make me sneeze. BAD BAD BAD 6. When I have nothing to post about. Pretty much all the time. 5. Myself. 4. Anything that is still mooing. It should shut

2004-02-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

Did you know that eating toothpaste is not a good idea. Even when there's no jam to put on your toast. No matter how much money someone is willing to pay you. being a whore will get you somewhere. You fuck 'n' chuck your way to the top. Face it ladies, it works. No matter how much you say you're against it, secretly you really want to do it. All females say the same thing, yet we all mean

2004-02-19T06:45:00.000-08:00

I'm a freakin goddess. People love me. Most of the time. So I was reading over the archives. Because I'm cool. Good times. Good times. I have concluded, with a lot of serious thought, that this little blogger site is the worst thing I have ever done. Ever. (well ok maybe not the worst thing ever) Actually, I have concluded that I am the coolest female alive. No contest. Hands down. I am the

2004-02-17T07:20:00.000-08:00

Things NOT to do if you want to start dating a chick: DON'T tell us we're beautiful every five seconds. Deep down, we know that we must be pretty... Or else you wouldn't be giving us the time of day. Now don't get me wrong, you still have to say it every once in awhile, just because it's the law. And it saves us money on blush. Whenever we're sick/putting on makeup/sleeping you have to say it.

2004-02-14T19:05:00.000-08:00

Today's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Well, happy V-day everyone. I guess. Actually, no. I hate you all. Please die. Well today had been supercoolmundo to the max. Yeah yeah yeah... I'm really blogging today I know. But today I'm more interesting than usual. I got home early this morning from a mega gay party at 4am, and I swear I was going to update... But I was too fucking drunk. I would be like

2004-02-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

15 Fun Things To Do During a Big, Important Test 1. When you get your copy of the test, run out screaming, "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, de- bate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking!" Then start talking about what a jerk the teacher is. 3. Bring

2004-02-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

Post Action!... I swear: Yadda yadda yadda, I haven't posted in forever. Like anyone cares. So... sorry everyone. NOT. Seriously, I can't make you fufilled every damn day, it's just too much work. I've been thinking a lot about the current government and all the things I would change if I was elected President. Things I would do from the oval office in the White House: Make pizza free to all

2004-02-11T00:50:00.000-08:00

This made me laugh: What Is Your Battle Cry?Yea, verily: Who is that, running through the cliffs! It is Xxxcentric, hands clutching a vorpal blade! And with a vengeful bellow, her voice cometh:"I'm going to fuck you to the moon and back!"Find out!Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?created by beatings : powered by monkeys

2004-02-09T02:31:00.000-08:00

13 reasons why I should be voted the most coolest bestest person that ever lived: 13. not c, b, or a, or f, or g... D ya'll. 12. I say things like: whoa, I'm like on supercoolness overdrive to the max, or BACHSQAH. These are only said by really cool people. 11. I think. 10. One time I ate chicken. 09. Ooo! Getting close to 07. 08. I once wore a pink shirt. That makes me cool. 07. lucky 7

2004-02-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Fucking motherfucking kids these days. I'm mega pissed to the max. Some idiot keeps sharing my email address with all his little gay friends. As a result, I now have like 20 people a damn day contacting me on MSN saying "sup" over and over and fucking over again. When I ask where they got my address from they fucktards are like "oh, my buddy just copied his list

2004-02-07T01:20:00.000-08:00

Well damn: I suck. I swear to god I was going to write something deep and meaningful and good and long tonight. I even had a subject. I SWEAR. But I got talking to people, and I forgot.:( Woe is me... and you Anyone have any really cool ideas for a post? If I use your idea, I'll email you something really cool or something. Rules: 1. It can't be something I've already done 2. It has to be

2004-02-06T00:27:00.000-08:00

Ok. Everyone knows that the most annoying question in the world is "whut kinda musik do u listen 2?" Well I'm going to tell you all right now. Once and only once. Get it? Got it? Good. Actually. I'm just going to tell you the 20 best CD's I own/paid for as of right now. 20. Fieldy's Dreams- Rock n roll gangsta Yes, I am aware that this sounds like a cheesy CD. Really, it's in disguise so that

2004-02-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses. I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are

2004-02-04T00:38:00.000-08:00

I have serious mental problems: Sometimes I think I'm a turkey. It's great. Just today I was out for coffee and making turkey nosies. I'm cool I eat tofu. I was going to let Tracy update for me. That's just sad. What the hell was I thinking? My middle name is Amber. As in red. As in fucking gay. As in I'm a turkey. BACHSQUAH! I'm going to link some more people. Because they emailed me. Yes,

2004-02-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

This site...pornolized. I've become aware that this changes every time it is loaded, so here are some funny things I saw when I read it: Pay close attention to the links... they turn out the best. "8:20 left in the 4th, right now the aardvarking score is 21-16 for the fucking Patriots. YAAAAY! I'm the queen of touchdown dances. What do you barfs think? MVP- Tom "Up the Arse" Brady?" "ifer-

2004-02-01T18:42:00.000-08:00

My review of the Superbowl Half-time show: WOW. What a great way to blow some air time. Janet Jackson, P. Diddy, Nelly, Kid Rock, and Justin Timberlake all in half an hour. They couldn't have thrown more random celebrities in there if they tried. /end sarcasm OK. WTF? LOL. OMFG. Rappers: P.Diddy, Nelly- worthless. OOOO! Nelly can drive, and hire chicks to perform in cheerleading outfits while

2004-02-01T00:00:00.000-08:00

Who the hell names their kid Jennifer? Seriously you guys, why the fuck would you name a kid something so stupid? Jennifer is such a shitty name. It's boring. It's overused. It sounds funny. It makes me think about gross stuff like flowers and sunshine. Lemme break it down for all you dipshits: J- is a funny looking letter, it starts words like jizz, junk, and that horrible word jump. enn- is

2004-01-31T03:50:00.000-08:00

OK. Fuck and a half. Bad day, long story. I'm not going to tell you because you don't care. And because it would ruin the point of this post. I'm a fucking blogger. I have a fucking blogspot site. I'm fucking telling people I don't know all about me. I'm fucking pissed off that I'm doing this. It's not fucking cool. Why have other bloggers fucking linked me? Why the fuck do I have this site?

2004-01-30T00:41:00.000-08:00

I'm a drug dealer?: Is it bad that my friends have now chosen me to turn to when they need a fix? Today, my girl Ashley came over at 10:30am, banging on my fucking bedroom window. I drag my ass out of bed in my plaid flannel pj pants, and stagger to the door. My hair is a mess, I'm all icky, and I probably smell like fabric softener sheets. Now keep in mind I haven't seen her since my birthday

2004-01-29T03:49:00.000-08:00

I Roxor HTML: ...kinda. Ok. New layout sitting in Notepad looking pretty. 1 problem. It's optimized for 800x600 resolution or lower. (the same problem pointed out by bing about this mornings' layout) I want it to look like haut shyt in all resolutions, but I'm stupid. If you are super awesome and know what I'm missing here.... TELL ME. kthxbye Update: Thanks for nothing you guys. I figured it

I am so great:

2004-01-28T00:37:00.000-08:00

Ever have the feeling that you could be doing better stuff with your time? I do right now. I could do something about it, but that takes work. So I'm going to waste your time. Three things I learned today: 1. I gained 5lbs. Woo hoo for me. No longer a stick. I rule so much. 2. My nose is funny looking. 3. New bodywash can make a girl super happy. Especially if it smells like flowers. Three

In headlines today:

2004-01-26T23:09:00.000-08:00

Ford Motor Company finally relented and told the world the true meaning of FORD. "Fucking Old Rusted Driveshaft " - This was explained (by a company executive) to mean: "we used old parts to umm make them move and stuff! It like worked for a tiny bit, then you would have to like get that thingy in car fixeded." This has lead many to the correct conclusion that Ford sucks ass. The company has now

ythdhgt67yh7856:

2004-01-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

Title=me banging my head on my keyboard repeatedly. I hate teenagers: Shutup, I know that 19 is still a __teen number. I'm talking about all those freaks that sit alone on your buddy list under the header: People that I feel bad for: The ones with screen names like: ImAseSyBitCe or HaUtDAwG. The ones that make you sick. The ones that are just so stupid you want to kill them, only to put yourself

Breaking NEWS: I'm un-telligent!

2004-01-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

In case you people haven't figured this out yet, I'm an uber net geek obsessed with online tests. I just took the Un-telligence test. I rock so much. CHECK IT OUT DUDES! Like totally: My results -You have a knack for greatness. For the record,you are: 69% Un-telligent! which is significantly higher than the current average of 60% -"The subject shows a very high level of intelligence, and her