You suck:

I am blow away by the stupidity of the vast majority of people. I was talking to some un-friend on AOL today. My words: "You should go to ojobojo and read the updates. The new love letter kicks ass." and her motherfucking response was: "what? ojobojo? is that porn?"
You fucking idiot. No it's not porn. It's like my favorite website. HOW THE HELL COULD YOU NOT KNOW? HE IS BIGGER THAT JESUS! I then proceeded to ask her about all the other super cool sites out there like Chokey Chicken, Skrilled, Richardland, and Smit Happens. Again, no clue. I wanted to pull her head out of her ass. Some kids these days.... She did know about Gorilla Mask, but I still killed her. If you are that retarded, you need to die. Get some motherfucking taste in good websites. I seriously doubt that you found this shitty site before all of these mega cool ones. If you did you really suck, but pretend that you didn't. If I ever ask you about one of these sites and you don't know what I'm talking about, I will kick your ass. Simple as that.
<------my link list is that way you fool.

Dammit People:

I have nothing to bitch about. I'm happy today. What the hell? This is a sign, the end of the world is coming. A female has nothing to bitch about. WE'RE DOOMED. Wait, this is all your fault. People haven't pissed me off in awhile. You fucking idiots, what the hell is wrong with you? Get back to normal and act like freaks. Help a girl out, I mean, COME ON! You people suck.

I'm officially making this a code red. (Yes I can fucking do that, I'm friends with the president. Don't tell him I don't agree with the "war." Fuck it, show him this site, he can't read anyway.) The call is out for all of America to act like fucking fools and get it on tape. Once you have successfully done this, send it to me, and I'll make you semi-famous, known to two people. Give me something to rant about and I'll give you a dollar.

I know some of you are saying "but Jenn, why don't you ever rave about anything?" My response? If you find something that I don't know about that's actually kinda cool, (and undiscovered by the majority of people) I'll talk about how much I love it.

Until then, pretend you're with your mother-in-law. I'm just like that, I tell you that you're an idiot, yell a lot, and make smartass comments about how you are good for nothing. The only difference is I'm way cooler, and sometimes funnier.
Send me motivational email:

For those of you thinking about the fact that I didn't update yesterday, kiss my ass. I have just discovered this really cool thing called sleep, and now I do it for like 19 hours a day. Between doing nothing, and my 1 or 2 classes a day, I don't have time to write everyday didn't feel like writing dick last night. I rule.
Ryan Perry's post is here in 2 days.

Get with the times people:

Ever waited in line at a store while some asshole is writing a cheque? My god, it makes me want to whip out the pistol and cause a ruckas. Some people still think it's ok to write things by hand, what the hell is wrong with them? In this day and age computers type everything into universal understandable writing. No messy-writing shit at all.

Writing out cheques is like kicking me in the junk. It takes longer that usual, (most smart people can work a PIN pad in seconds) and I fucking hate waiting for your untechnological ass at the grocery store. Some much cooler people have things to do. When I'm standing there, econo-pack of condoms in hand*, (getting ready for my super cool weekends) the last thing I want to see is a motherfucking line building behind me because of you.

Some of you are saying "what if: I'm old and I don't see well/can't remember my information/I'm a fucking stupid idiot?"
My response:
If you are old don't leave the damn house. No one likes you and you are just really annoying. Having the clerk repeat themselves to you is a pain in the ass. While some like screaming in your ear for practice, most want to hit you with your damn cain and throw you out of the fucking store.

Can't remember shit? I'll fix that. Bend over, and I'll shove my FUCKING FOOT UP YOUR ASS.
Seriously, if you can't remember 4 numbers and your account type, you need to be shot. For those of you kids that think having a 27 digit PIN is cool; you, as well need to be shot. Most of the time you screw up one damn number and have to do it again.

You are an idiot? Move to my (soon to be) country! You'll love it. So will the guy that shoots you...

The next time someone writes a cheque in front of me, I'm gonna go all high tech on their ass. I'll lend them my credit card, and in return they will let me beat the dollar amount out of them. Hey, that's a good idea. I wouldn't mind buying poor people groceries if I got to beat them to a pulp, someone should start a charity like that.

Need food? Contact me:FEED ME
(* God damn sarcasm. I don't want all the "Jenn that's the coolest/gayest thing any chick has ever said" mail.) So send me mail about how cool/gay it was of me to say that:
Jenn, that's the coolest thing a chick has ever said
Jenn, that's the gayest thing a chick has ever said

Someone give me money:

If I had a lot of money you can bet your ass that I would have all of these things:

1.THIS. I'll take Jesse too.

2. A live-in foot massager: I NEED this. Someone to massage my feet would make me 900% happier. (1000% happier if it's someone really hot)

3. A tricycle: I miss my wittle twcycle. My dad ran it over with the truck when I was 7. It's a funny story, I was riding on the sidewalk when my dad was getting ready to work. He hopped in the truck, looked back, and slammed on the gas. Made me think that I should stop peeing on him. (I never did)

4. A trailer: I need this to have all my supercool parties in. I don't want to dirty the huge freakin' mansion I have now.

5. A tiger: I've always loved the way they look. (so cute and cuddly of course) I think having one in the house would be way cooler than spending cash on a security system. Everyone in the world should buy a tiger; people wouldn't rob houses, and tigers would never be extinct. If you are one of those animal rights people, you are either (A) TIGER FOOD or (B) ROBBED. Just do the right thing and get a damn tiger bitchs.

6. The biggest hotel chain in the world: I've always wondered what it was like to act like Paris Hilton. I blame all of her wrongs on the hotel. It must be hard to (not) run a huge hotel, party all night, and not go to school. Poor girl.

7.Dancing lessons from Shakira: I wish I could do that shake thing that she does. I tried once, I ended up rotating my ass into a wall. Once you start swiveling your hips it's really hard to stop/steer.

8. Cheek implants: This has got to be the gayest plastic surgery out there. I want it just so I can see the reaction on normal people's faces when I say "Aren't my new, fat cheeks great?"

9. A continent: I want to rule over people, owning a land mass would be so cool. I could sell people houses on my country, and make laws like:
(A) Drinking anything other than beer is forbidden.
(B) The anthem will be: Get Naked by Methods of Mayhem
(C) Killing stupid people is not illegal.

10. I would go to a real college, not fucking Cypress: Not good enough to get in? MUAHAHA... How 'bout $10 bucks? That's what I thought....

11. A real website: Wait, I already have this, I'm just lazy.

If you are rich and want to give me money contact me Here. Small donations of $2000 at a time will also be accepted.

Commence operation: typical female post

Hi every1! I missed u sooooooo much. Guys r so dum hey? I think so. I wish that 1 day someone would come and tell my stoopid bf to go to hell. HEHE. I'm being silly again, dont u luv me? AWWW KISSES! OMG you guys! NE of ya'll heard of brittney spears? SHE IS SOOOOO Perdy! Like if you didnt hear her yet, go by her new cd ok? Dogs are wayyyyy to cute hey? I mean there all fuzzy, and they have I's. SOOOOO CUTE! OMG I'm soooo going on a date with some guy on tomarro. Be 'cited 4 me you guys! LOLOLOLOL. Did you no that i passed my spelling test today? I soo rocked that chicka!Send me cool presents. I really really really diserve them. I have to go for a walk with my gurl so I'll hug ya l8ter. (kisses though) hehe. I'm so cool. LUV U!

Someone wanna hold my hair? I think I'm going to puke...

Some people need to get lives:

I hate bloggers that are fake. Like ones that write something opinionated when someone opposes it, they do the cowardly thing and take it down and pretend it never happened. If you have something to say that YOU think is valid, write it. All people are never going to agree with you, that's life. DEAL WITH IT. Taking the easy way out is not cool, or admirable. If you are going to write something that has the potential to piss someone off ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I a sissy loser that cannot take criticism in any form?
2. Do I have the guts to stand by my opinion?
3. Should I really care if anyone has a different opinion?
(If your answers read anything but: no, yes, no. THEN STOP RIGHT THERE.)

If you are one of those hatemailer people think along the same lines. Hatemail is a total waste of your time. The true blogger is going to laugh at you, post some smartass reply on their site, and then the rest of the world is going to laugh with them. The only function of hatemail is to make others think you are an idiot. Hatemail is good for a laugh, but if you think that your "words of wisdom" are going to change the thoughts of the writer, YOU ARE WRONG. In most cases your hatemail is deleted. It's not thought about for more than a second. Your thoughts suck. When a smart person has a belief they stick to it, no matter how hard you try to prove them wrong. (Think about religious freaks. You can tell them that they are stupid for following a "god", but they just don't care. They are stuck in that mindset. Same rules apply here.)

So, in conclusion, everyone needs to stop being so damn lame. (send me the link to your sissy site) Get a life, and then send me hatemail so I can laugh at you.

Send me an email!

Chickens!!!

I couldn't think of a title so I just typed the first thing that popped into my head.(ok, maybe not first, I didn't think _____ would be a good title) Use your goddamned imagination. I'm not going to implicate myself.

Anyway, when I fist started writing my shit here, I said I would update 37 times a day. I broke that yesterday. (wait, no I didn't. I put the new years post up at 11pm, and that counts as one post for two days. Seeing as the 31st and the 1st are days about the same thing.) I still rule. You guys suck if you think I don't.

So, seeing as this is 2004, I'm going to start it with my sappy "thank you" post.(Copy this, there is only one day a year when I actually show appreciation for something/someone)
I can't believe how many people actually read this site. It's only been a few days, and almost 450 people have been here. (what's remarkable is I haven't gotten any true hate mail. I'm sure I kinda pissed off that Gwen Preacher chick) I think that's pretty damn cool. I get to make fun of people, tell everyone that I am "the coolest person that ever lived," and make stupid statements about things that would normally warrant a beating from someone with opposing beliefs. The coolest thing is people actually read them. I can't stress this enough: THAT IS FUCKING COOL. I'm having fun. Are you? (yes, you are. I'm not taking a motherfucking poll, I only am giving you one choice)

Oh yeah: Thanks for coming, I don't think I would have bothered with this site if it only got one hit a day.
Someone send me an email!