.

Why do we drop our lives to give everything we have to one person, when it turns out that person is just comparing you to someone else? How can we regain anything when we go all with the blind and wait for the other players cards to show? Why is it okay for someone to make you feel so little, while you put that person on a pedestal and praise everything they do or say? Why is it wrong when they say something horrible to get upset and call them on it?

How can that person just leave a conversation in shambles and have absolutly no quams about it? How does one person get enough power over you to take away basic daily functions like eating or sleeping, and drastically change emotions inside you in an instant?

Why don't they feel anything? Is it impossible for them to see the pain that they inflict on others? How do they fall asleep at night knowing that somewhere another someone is hanging on to the last threads of whatever security blanket they threw out? Do we expect too much from other people? Is thinking before you speak too much to ask?

Why is it that the people you care about are the ones that hurt you? Is it because we want so badly for them to feel the same way? Do we hurt them? Do they realise that they hurt us?

Why can't you change people? If I can change the way I act and think for someone else, why can't we convince people of their misjudgments and flaws? Do they not believe that we can see them clearer than anyone, especially when we are the ones that are subject to their manipulation? Is it possible to make someone settle?

Why does it hurt so bad?

So much for resolutions

You can pretty much disregard the last post because I know I have.


Basically right now, I'm feeling washed up like a beached whale. No it has nothing to do with PMS or the fact that I'm about as self confidant as a 400lb woman standing on the 28th story balcony with paper thin glass separating her from death.

You make me feel like shit. Yes, you. I've lived with you for 3 months now. I kinda wish I would have left you this weekend, after to told me that I was useless and I've wrecked your life and you deserve better than me; all because I asked you who that lard ass chick you were talking to in the bar was. Maybe you were thinking about how much you would love to fuck the rolls or something, because at that moment it became clear to me that I mean about as much to you as a ham sandwich.

Sometime you might want one, but you can always find something less boring and meatier.

literally.

Maybe if I gained 200lb you would find me more sexually attractive. God knows it's just a chore for you now.

But it didn't start then. I have spent a lot of my time crying over you. You don't care. Actually just yesterday, I was going to write you this letter, and I needed some paper, after about half an hour of me digging through all my boxes searching for something unaltered, you come in and start questioning me. Of course I don't want to tell you my intentions, I want you to fucking understand that I can't get through to you verbally, so I'm trying to find other ways to communicate. After harassing me for 20 minutes I break down, just like the WEAK FUCKING LITTLE BITCH that I am.

And what do you say when I finally admit to what I was doing?

here it is word for word in case you forgot:
You: what? you were going to write me a letter?
Me: no...Yeah. Ok. Yeah. you won't listen to what I say and I need you to understa..
You: You make me feel so good. (sincere tone not sarcasm)
Me: why? because you make me cry all the time?
You: yeah.


Words can't describe the hate I feel for you right now. You always say you want me to support you in what you do, yeah. I do. I do everything for you. I do you fucking laundry, I cook you dinner every night, I clean your fucking apartment, hell, I EVEN BOUGHT YOUR KID A BIRTHDAY PRESENT WHEN YOU COULDN'T GO SHOPPING. By the way, I still haven't got that money back. I guess it would be okay if your sonofabitch ex would actually let me meet the damn kids. We've been together a fucking year and you treat me like shit and I stay, so I'm pretty sure IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

I hate the way you look at me. Just because you're a fat ugly cunt and your ex has someone cuter doesn't mean you have to ruin my life. I have absolutely no problem with you as a person, I've even went out with you and your mom! We've been out together twice. I get along with you! Why do you have to make problems for me and mike? I can understand that I'm taking him away from you, but you left him and are with someone else... why can't he do the same? You still control everything he does, and get your fucking money so back off. I shouldn't have to change my number to get away from your phone calls, I shouldn't have to put up with your fat friends coming up to me and MY BOYFRIEND when WE ARE OUT TOGETHER and starting shit with me because you put them up to it. You know, 99% of our fights start because of you.

Get a life.

Why hasn't the world ended yet?

Well it's two thousand and seven.

This year, it's all me.

I am not going to starve myself for a month trying to loose my thighs, only to give up after one really bad cramp and a serious craving for lindor chocolates.

I am not going to force myself to tame my temper and pretend that everything is fine when I know damn well that I have every god dammed right to be pissed and YOU need to hear about it. Loudly.

I am not going to sacrifice my 300 dollar-a-month underwear habit just so I can spend my money buying you hot clothes because you have no style. Guess what baby, all the sexy get ups I pour myself into are for ME. Not you. I like going to bed feeling like a million bucks. And just because it's silky doesn't mean you get to fuck me. What happens if the house burns down? You can run out in your crappy boxers, I'm gonna slip on my lace stiletto slippers and wait for the firemen, thank you very much.

I'm also gonna let you buy me more shit. You make XXXXX amount more money than I do. And now you're sharing.

I'm not gonna let my friends push me around. I'm sick and fucking tired of being the angelic creation that swoops in and guides you in the right direction. To put it bluntly for Tracy: If you don't know how to stop fucking everything within a 10 mile radius, try closing your legs. I'm sick of hearing about your boy troubles. Actually I'm sick of hearing about your 15 different boy troubles.

Mom, I know that I'm your only daughter, but I'm an adult, and I'm sorry but I'm going to have sex, drink, and smoke the occasional joint. I listen to hard rock, I like blood and guts movies, and I have the worst drunken sailor mouth that you will ever encounter. But you should love me anyway. Don't change me because you can't. I stopped listening to you a long time ago. So what if I end up pregnant in a year, and married and divorced in two? It's my life. You lived yours. (Miss I-got-married-7-months-before-you-were-born) Besides, who would you worry about if you didn't have me?

Oh, and NO I WILL NOT TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR MY BOYFRIEND OR THE SEXUAL POSITIONS WE HAVE TRIED. Yes, I'm mature, but that's just way too fucking weird.

Some days I'm gonna skip showering. You're gonna be fine with it. And you're gonna tell me I smell like candy.

I'm actually gonna tell you I'm not on the pill and we're just really lucky. And I'll actually go on the pill because I hate having to worry about it. I want kids. But not this year. And if you don't, I'm gonna leave because that's gay and I'm not wasting my time.

I'm going to girlify your house too. Boo hoo.

I'm going to watch some porn and master oral. Not for you, but because I feel bad when I get down there and get bored and just hover. I'm pretty sure I could have some fun doing it if I made it dramatic.

So basically, I'm acting like an egotistical stuck up bitch for the next year. Bow down.