For every action there is an equal baDaSS Jenn reaction:

I downloaded Windows service pack 2 and it fucked up my HP image zone.
So I punched my computer in the face.





A friend hung up on me on the internet.
So I ate her baby.

It was good.

Today I went to my family reunion at the hospital:

My grandpa has been in the hospital since Wednesday, and today my grandma had a seizure and ended up there too.


Plot of events since 530 this morning:
531am: I went to bed.
630am: I fell asleep.
830am: I get a frantic phone call from my mother telling me that I need to get to
the hospital ASAP because my whole family is going to die or something.
831-838am: I stare at the ceiling and ask the following: "Why the fuck does everyone gotta die when I'm sleeping? Can't they fucking wait until I'm awake and lively? Fucking dying always fucking around with my life."
845am: I'm sitting in my truck napping on my steering wheel.I get another phone call and it's my cousin Rodney asking me where I am. I lie and say I'm about a block away from the hospital.
9AM: I start to drive. I blast some tunes to keep me awake. Since I had just said I was really close to the hospital, I pick up speed to about 120k.
915AM: a cop pulls out of the truck stop and sees me zoom by. He proceeds to catch up and flash his lights in my face. I get the whole "did you know you were going 20k over the speedlimit? Are you looking to get into an accident? BLAH BLAH BLAH"
He asks for my license and crap, I give it to him. He sees that I have had 4 speeding tickets in the last 2 months. He decides to write me up. I tell him that I'm in a hurry and need to get to the hospital. He scribbles on the ticket and lets me go.
930AM: I get to the hospital and realize that the cop still has my license and registration sitting in his car.
931AM: I cry. Because now I know I'm going to have to go to the cop shop and pay the ticket to get it back.
1030AM: Well all get together in the lounge room of the hospital. Recap of total injuries: Liver infection (grandpa) bruised tailbone (grandma) and a swollen foot. (me= I thought it would be entertaining if I kicked the bootrack in the main entrance when I was trying to take off my shoes.)


So I get stuck being the new nurse until I go home. Which was at 430pm today.
So fuck you if I'm incoherent and don't make sense. Fuck you cops.
This is what I did with the ticket, in my normal badass fashion.

IM wicked popular on the intranetz:

Today I got an email and I wanted to talk to the dude on MSN. So I went to add him, and this is what I got.

I only have 133 contacts. MSN sucks. But I don't apparently, because I can max out a hotmail account.
Has this happened to anyone else?

Holiday Spice

I am by no means a germaphobe. I don't use 1000 bars of soap a day, I don't throw away cups after they have been used once, I'm not afraid to kiss someone, and I don't bring my own silverware to restaurants.

But I'm so grossed out by other peoples spit. When my friends spit outside I gag. It was a big game one night called "who can hack up the nastiest loogie ever and make Jenn puke." Well just the sound of them doing the whole nasty throat clearing thing made me barf. I swear to god! Ask my friends, we were sitting outside drinking and I turned in my chair and puked all over my deck. And then ran into the bathroom and puked some more. It's like a disease that only I have.

Today my friend was here and I bought a bottle of the new Pepsi "holiday spice" (which is wicked good), had a drink and put it back for later. She saw it it my fridge, opened it, and took a swig, right out of my bottle.

I passed out.



I couldn't drink it now. Not even out of a glass because she could have left some spit in the pop after. And seeing as I'm never gonna drink it, I told her "I don't really like it, you can have it" because there is no way in hell I'm going to tell her that I'm not drinking it after her nasty ass mouth was all over it. I don't understand it. I can share a smoke, or a beer, but not anything like pop, water, or juice. It's weird.

But in my head it's justified. I can share smokes because there we're really only sharing lip epithelials, and the alcholol in beer (probably won't but I tell myself it will) will kill the germs when I share that. (but with beer I still wipe the top off with my sleeve)

I don't really like public places that much either. Door handles, restrooms, and chairs freak me out. BLECH. Buttgermies.
It's all good when I'm drunk though, I don't even think about it when I'm reaching for the door at a bar.

Maybe I'm crazy and need to see a shrink, but it seriously bothers me when people like, share burgers with their friends and stuff. I would be willing to wash dishes if it meant that I could get my own seperate burger.

So if everyone stopped spitting, my life would be 10000000002154 times better.



Hell, everyone should stop living just for me.

MISS ME?

OK, time for an update and a change to the boring ol pink n black.

What have I been doing?
Pissing people off! Wicked cool, I know.

I've gotten into a fist fight with my two closest girlie friends, worked 10 hour shifts, and gotten disowned by my mom and auntie.

On Saturday my friend Amanda got into a fight with her boyfriend, and then my friend Jessie was trying to be the moderator and ended up doing too many shots of R&R during her breaks. She decided that violence is the answer to all of life's' minor problems, she punched Amanda, (my festest briend lor fife!). I had to go in the middle and ended up with some bruised knuckles and a cut on my stomach. REAL GANGSTA FIGHTIN YO'. I got punched, kicked and pissed off because none of this really hurt. When I get into a fight I want a fucking fight to the death brawl, none of this slapass, kiss my cheek, and then claw me with your fake nails fights. Needless to say, I got drunk and went out and punched a good friend (Jessie) in the face for being a pussy.
And then a boy friend of mine decided to fight with Amanda's boyrfriend. I went home and let them kill each other. Anyone wanna go on a double date with two hot chicks?
NONE OF THIS INVOLVED DRINKING AT ALL. NONE! I SWEAR!

Then my aunt and mom moved in together and decided to make it their dying mission to save me from the troubles of alcoholism. (TOO LATE ME'S A DURUNK) They are so pissed off at me for being 20 and drinking in trendy bars and being really cool. Neither of them will talk to me. And it's been like this since Friday. Now, this wouldn't normally bother me, but it does because I can't even go over there and drink a bud at their kitchen table to piss em off. FAMILY SUCKS.
I'M NOT AN ALCOMOHOLIC. I DON'T EVEN DRINK! TALK TO ME DAMMIT.
fuckers.
____________________

I just noticed how much interventions piss me off. If someone wants to change their behavior, they're gonna do it when they're fucking old and boring like you, mom. I mean, whenever that person wants to.
People sitting you down and saying "quit doing so and so because I'm a jealous old bag and I never had half the life you do now when I was your age." I mean, "quit doing so and so because this person is hurting your family" BLAH BLAH BLAH isn't going to do fuck all. It's going to make me want to drink more and raise little alcoholic Jenn's just for you to baby sit and the only think my kid is drinkin is fucking vodka. None of this milk shit. I mean, it's going to make that person want to kill you with a rubber hammer. One of the bigger ones. Slowly.

SERIOUSLY. Would you prefer if I switched to cocaine? I sure as fuck wouldn't. I'm NORMAL. Just because you grew up in buttfuck nowhere doesn't mean I never went to college. (College is government code for drunken state of mind 24/7.) I don't drink that fucking much.









Just before work, after work, on days off, when I'm sleeping, and after a meal, and on weekends and weekdays.

MY DATE WITH THE LAW

So yesterday, I met up with my parole officer. Turns out he's a super nice guy, or he could see my boobs. Either way,I got off a lot easier than I thought I would.

I am ordered to pay 300 dollars by February 1/05.
That's it.
Not close to a grand like I thought it was going to be. Not 450 dollars like I thought it was going to be. And not before December 17 like I thought it was going to be. I told him I like to drink on weekends and needed spending money, so he gave me some extra time to pay the restitution.
He even got on the phone and talked to PCM how much they are willing to accept from my bank account.
WHAT A NICE GUY!

So yeah, I got a slap on the wrist, a date with a wicked cool guy, and his phone number and mailing address. (so what if it's for business contact only)

I should commit crimes more often!

DON'T FUCK THIS UP:

It's decision time America, and all I can say is don't fucking screw these ballots up.

I don't want to wait three days to find out the "winner" of the election because the people in California can't figure out a punch ballot.

I don't want to hear that ballots are going to be considered "void" because they are fucking double punched.

I don't want to hear that George W. Bush is the winner of the election by a tiny margin, when half of the ballots were not even counted.

Hell, I don't want to hear that anyone voted for Bush anyway, unless you're a porn star. Then I would vote for bush too.

I know that being political is not my strong point so here goes anyway.

THINK ABOUT WHAT THE "PRESIDENT" HAS DONE IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS.

What Bush has going for him:

he has increased the deficit to a point of no return
he has lost more jobs for America that any president in like 65 years
he started a badly planned war
he's got hot daughters
his wife crashed her car into her old boyfriends in highschool and killed him(hopefully next:GW)

What Kerry has going for him:

he's never been found choking on a pretzel
he hasn't fucked up any countries yet
he hasn't spoke out against abortion, only for people to dig up reports that his old flame had one when he was younger
married Teresa Ketchup Kerry, possibly the coolest wannabe first lady ever

What this election lacks is a GOOD canidate.
VOTE OTHER THIS YEAR. MY NEW NAME IS OTHER.
-----------------------------------

IN OTHER'S NEWS:

I got a call today, I have to go see my parole officer tomorrow, regarding this(scroll down to the 11th because I can't fiqure out how to directly link to the article) if you're a newcomer. I am officially on parole, and a wicked badass.
I gotta go pull out my Harley jacket and be hot and bad.


GRRR. *MENACING AND SCARY* Notice my snarl.

I failed. At being badass.

Come to think about it, I failed at being hot too.