This makes me laugh

My restaurant was just bought out by Koreans. They have put signs up EVERYWHERE. And most of them don't make sense. Like " autorized personel now" instead of authorized personnel only, and "keep door locked at all times" ON THE MAIN ENTRANCE.

This one makes me laugh the most though. It's on the delivery door in the back.

BAHAHAHA. NO!! PARKING. As if there should be more emphasis on the no, rather than the parking.

FUCK THE RIAA.

The whole argument that file sharing is making the record industry lose money is bullshit. I download songs all the time. I have like a gazillion MP3's. And guess what? I HAVE CDS TOO!

And not ones that came out before CDRS were invented either.

Two good reasons I buy CDS are:

1. Because I downloaded a song and fell in love.
2. My burner isn't working.

For the sake of argument we're going to say that today my burner was working and I just love spending 35 bucks on 2 cds.

And I almost bought the new simple plan CD because this guy is hotter than hell:

But then I remembered that I'm not gay. And I have the internet, I could just download some Pierre Bouvier porn.

MY BIG CITY NIGHT:

I went to GP today. (the closest big city)
First we decided to go to some bars... On a Tuesday. Needless to say, it sucked.

So myself, my friend Amanda, and Eric went to Kelsey's (bar/lounge) and had a couple drinks. (when I say a couple I really mean 2000)

here' a picture that Eric took when we were sitting at the table, just a little drunk.

apparently he was a little drunk too because the picture sucks ass.

As I go to pay the bill, the waitress says "You're not driving are you?" and I slur out "nooononono. Her's drivin." And she gave me the most evil look ever.

apparently you're not supposed to get shitfaced in a lounge that has kids 12 and under running around.

Then we decide to go the casino. We WALK there, in the cold.(see I listen to random waitresses) * it was -7c *

apparently you're not supposed to walk all over the road at midnight outside a casino.

So I go in, and look around.(and drink some more) I put a five dollar bill into the nickel machine and WON 50 DOLLARS!

apparently a bucket of nickels weighs a hell of a lot when you're drunk.

I trip over a stool in front of a bunch of people and spill my nickels all over, and then sit there for what seemed like forever picking them up ONE BY ONE.

apparently I'm not really smart when I'm drunk.

I then go find my friends and go get my cash and go out to the truck. Where me and Amanda start honking at a hot guard. He comes over and informs us that he's 23, single and really cheezy.

apparently looks aren't everything.

This was all before 7pm tonight.

After we had a burger at A&W, we decided to go see the movie "The Grudge". We get inside and try to find a seat in a packed room. We decide to sit in the middle of the theater to get the most out of "it". As I am following my friends to find a seat I trip and fall on some teenager's lap. I look him RIGHT IN THE EYE and say something like "me noooo durunk I sweeer" And he goes "that's ok, your sweet ass is gonna be in my face in a second". I wanted to slap him, but I feared the mountains growing on his cheeks would cut my hands.

apparently kids nowadays are all about ass.

So we go back to the truck and back to the casino. Where I proceed to play poker and loose a whole bunch of money. I had my trusty DIGICAM with me and decided to take some pictures.
here's one:


apparently taking pictures in a casino is a jailable offence.

A guard told me this and was trying to make me delete the picture. I said "noo wayyy main! I need this fuh mah blog." and he kicked me out.

So now that I am banned from the casino, I sit in the truck some more and blast some tunes. Hot guard comes back and tells me to turn it down because "I'm causing a disturbance". I say " gooooo to hell " and he then tells me to leave.

apparently backtalking the guards at a casino is frowned upon.

I tell him to " get mah fucking friends out herrr right now " and he does so.

He's whipped.

We then go to Save on Foods. (a grocery store) and look/screw around with all the Halloween costumes. It was pretty fun. I wish I would have taken pictures, but at the time I didn't know if taking pictures in a grocery store was illegal. Then I do something completely non-disturbance like, I go read some magazines. Some old bitch walks by and tells me that I have to buy it and then read it. When she saw that Eric had a playboy in his hand, she told us to hurry up and get out.

apparently a grocery store is not a library. Who would have thought?

I buy Spin and MAD and go to leave.

Around this time the 6 shots of vodka I had start to catch up with me. And I PUKE ON THE DOOR. I swear to god, I was like projectile vomiting, all over the door. I pity the fool that has to do the janitor work tonight.

apparently vodka and beer don't mix very well.

So we go to check out some pubs. The one we choose to hit was the Lions Den Pub. Which was full of jocks and preppies and bitches and da' hoes. We didn't fit in, being the rednecks that we are. So we leave. FORGETTING TO PAY THE BILL.

apparently the bouncers at Lions Den are really cool, because they were all sweet to us. (as sweet as can be expected from muscle guys, anyway)

So seeing as it's now 130am, we decide to go home.

I get Amanda to drive and she HITS SOMETHING! IN MY NEW TRUCK.
Lucky it was a small dog or something because I would have laid her down and ran her over repeatedly if there was any damage.

I get home at 330am and start this post.
What sucks is I keep looking behind me because The Grudge scared the shit out of me and I'm hungover at 430. And I have to work at 9 this morning too.

start> YAY! /sarcasm

Jenn,
I surf the internet using an anonymous proxy server program. Today I used a proxy I never used before to access your page and look what I got.

Congratulations, you've been blocked. What sucks is my page wasn't blocked through the same filter. Who the fuck do they think they are ? I'm every bit as bad as you dammit. Fuckers.

Bing


Here's a screenshot:



First my site was picked apart on some website.

Now it's blocked.

I'm honored.
I've made it big time. Be proud. Be proud.

And it pissed Bing off, so that's 5000 extra credits.

So here's what I think about the whole deal:




"cause when you're a celebrity, it's adios reality. la la la la la la la la"

I'm hot

Here are ten reasons why you should think I'm hot too.

10. I look the same with and without makeup.

9. I never wake up with drool all over me.

8. My eyes are killer.

7. I have good teeth.

6. I can cook.

5. I'm not a fatass.

4. I clean a mean house.

3. Sometimes when I'm really sick I wake up with snot all over the place.

2. When I drink hardbar I've been known to pass out in someone else's bed and puke on myself/the blanket.

1. When I laugh really hard/loud I choke and then burp.

I'm like sooo sexy.

Why do I ignore you?

I hate it when people IM you and you have 90 other conversations going on and they expect themselves to be priority #1.
And then they get all mad and call you a bitch and shit because you don't say hi within 25 seconds.


I don't have time to talk to all of my adoring fans at once. Jesus christ.

Sometimes I go through spells where no one talks to me for weeks because the last word I say to them is fuck. And then, there are other times when it's like I'm the most popular girl on the internet. Today was one of those times.

I seriously was trying to hold up my end of 17 conversations at once, and out of that about 7 of them were pretty interesting/important. I had a seizure because of all the pretty flashing lights at the bottom of my screen.

I get an IM that went as follows:
Idiot: hi jennifer

(2 seconds later)
Idiot: HELLO?
Idiot: Where are you?
Idiot: Are you there!!!!!???
Idiot: If you don't wanna talk to me just say so
Idiot: You should put up an away message

As long as it took to type all that out was as long as I got to say hi.

Me: hi
Idiot: Where were you? I was trying to talk to you.
ME: first message received at 06:38pm
Me: it's 640 now you fucktard.
Me: i gotta go.
(block you)

Some people piss me off to no end.

but this makes me happy:


yes, I'm a stupid bitch that doesn't like to reply to people when they say hi and spends 5 bucks on a bag of jelly bellys.
But they're SOOOOOO GOOD.

Microsoft kicked me in the face... again.

Remember how I said that my Haloscan comments are fuckered? Well just today I got to thinkin about why.

About two weeks ago I downloaded Microsoft's "VM 999431.01" and I enabled that to be my main Javascript reader or whatever you call it.


TURNS OUT MICROSOFT VM DOESN'T LIKE TO READ ALL JAVASCRIPT.
And thus, making me think I had some demon virus or something that was stopping me from having a good website. When really I was (and still am) the only thing stopping me from having a good website. I ROXORS.


So, I will be switching back to ye ol' faithful anytime now.





anytime now.....

....

...






OK DONE.
Comment on how stupid I am, without having to log into anything.

Mosaics:

I was browsing the net today and I found a really cool program. Well, I think it's cool. It lets you get all artsy-fartsy with just the push of a button.


In laymans terms, it lets you make mosaics with 99% less work than in grade 2.

Here is an end result of one of my pictures.


I works by taking your pictures already stored on your computer, and then imposing them on an image of your choice. You may think you need a shitload of images already, but I got a good result with just 40 picutes in my folder. And if all else fails you can use the find pictures link to get the program to search the net for some.. without YOU doing anything. (Wicked cool I know.)

Anyways, to download the FREE software, click here.

__________
On, a sidenote. I was protesting. Not that ANYONE NOTICED. I wasn't going to update until I got a comment on something. (I'm a loser)
So you all owe Jordan sex.
GOGOGOGOGOGO.

I'll try to post something cynical and bitter later tonight... Because even I miss my old self.

I'm old:

Well kinda. I can no longer blame my stupidness/car accidents/drunkenness on teenage idiocy disorder.
Because I'm an older adult now.
suriusly.

"the big 2-0" God damn.

I just got distracted from posting for like 20 minutes... Where was I?

oh yeah. The Big 20. It's not old enough to get social security, but too old to get child benefits. What a shitty age.

Anyways. A phenomenon that has plagued my existence in Canada is snow.
It always snows on October 16th. ALWAYS. And tis always fucking cold on my birthday, which means no bonfires in the bush with lots of beer and sex, and no driving insanely all over the smooth roads with summer tires on. It snows just enough to make it shitty. Never enough for me to be able to do anything cool like snowboard or jump off my roof into the drifts. I HATE CANADA. I MISS CALIFORNIA.


SEEE!!!111!!!


oh and I don't know if you can see the NEW F-250 TRUCK I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY in the driveway.

I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not a big fan of Fords but hey, I didn't pay for it.
You people need to start commenting again... my post haven't been that shitty have they?
wait I get it... they're so good you're speechless.
well thankya.

MY BIRTHDAY:

I was going to post this last night after I got home, but I was waaaaayyy to drunk to do anything that required thought.

I'll give you a recap of what I remember I did.

9pm: I went to the bank and took out sufficient funds for the night.
Is also the time I was supposed to go get my friend Jessie.

930pm: Finally done getting ready. One of my co-workers came over and gave me a gift.

10pm I get over to Jessies house and show her the gift. She takes the following picture:

(that's the gift I got from the person at work. And that's a picture of the teddy trying to make out with me.)
Imagine waking up and finding that on you digicam. I'm hot.

11pm: We go buy beer. We then drink some beer.

12am: I am at Wacy's house in Spirt River doing shots of vodka.

4am: I get home and start puking.

12pm today: I wake up and puke some more.
Birthday mission to get Jennifer pissed: STATUS=ACCOMPLISHED
Casualty count: 1 FLAT BUDWEISER, 1 SIX PACK BUDWEISER, 1 TWELVE PACK LUCKY, 1 60'pounder of Smirnoff Vodka.

Good job, me.

NEW SB EMAIL:

I think I have a new favorite!


I really got, I really got pee. I really got, I really gotta pee pee.

THE INTERVIEW OF THE CENTURY:

My name is Ian. I am best friends with someone that you know very well. So, out of courtesy I have decided to interview her. She has this website and it's pretty good compared to all of the other useless shit out there right now. And is also worthy of super-stardom.
Her name's Jenn.

ME: First off: What are you wearing?
Jenn: ha. loser. I'm wearing your mom.
Actually, white shirt, pink pj pants. Me = sexor.

ME: So Jenn, What do you do in your spare time? You know, when you're not bitching on your website and stuff..
Jenn: I drink Budweisers and smoke lots of Export blues.
And. I don't bitch persay... I just talk with angst.

ME: Ok then, What do you do for work?
Jenn: I work at making people become very angry and sometimes I work at putting my fist in 'da bitches face. wurd up yo'.

ME: HAHA! In all seriousness, why do you keep up this site.
Jenn: I do it for my loyal fanbase of 1. And because I'm an attention whore. "In all seriousness" I do it because it's a great way to meet hot guys distract me from watching CSI reruns 24/7. I am a loser. If I didn't do this I would probably become the stalker of this guy:

hot 
"the DNA guy" oh so HOT.
Really, I do it because I find it somewhat enjoyable. I'm addicted MMMKAY?

ME: alright. Do you get lots of emails about this site?
Jenn: I used to. Mostly stuff like "UR SITE Is OffENCIVE. LOLZ. CAN yOOU SHow me UR BooBS!111! But now it's old and no one cares. Including me.

Me: You went on hiatus for about 4 months... what was that about? Were you really internet-less?
Jenn: Well, yes and no. I had lots of opportunity to go online and post, but I didn't want to. Truth is, when I moved to Canada, I went through a lot of hardcore shit... I had just dropped out of school, was alone, I didn't know anyone other than my mom, and I was just really emo-eseque. I didn't care to write about it because this isn't going to turn into my pissing and moaning site. Not until I hit menopause, anyway.

ME: So the real reason you dropped out of college was?
Jenn: I dropped out because I was flunking out... I got to the point where I didn't care whether I graduated or not, I was just partying all the time. If you talked to me online before I moved you'll know I'm not kidding. Read the archives, I partied everyday. I know this sounds gay but I wasn't in school for me. One of my teachers said "shape up or ship out" and shaping up was WAY to hard.

ME: So you're back to your internet junkie self right? What sites do you like?
Jenn: Yes. Some sites I like are in my link list, dipshit.
I like MBS fourms, tha g-mask, chokey chicken, and britneyspears.com. And my own of course, because it's all about me, and I rule.

ME: You work in a restaurant. What's the worst pickup line you have ever heard?
Jenn: " me: ready to order? guy: Can I take YOUR order? " This doesn't even make sense. What a fucking loser idiot freak. I've beaten people up for less.

ME: Your birthday's coming up. What are you going to do?
Jenn: Well, friday I'm going to a party thrown by a friend Kayla in my honor. I've got a 24 of Bud with my name on it. Even though the actual day I turn 20 is the 17th, I'm gonna have my party on the weekend because I have to WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY. FUCKING BOSSES SUCK.

ME: No further questions your honor. Anything you feel like saying to end this?
Jenn: yeah. Fuck off and die. Just kidding. You know I love you Eeeeeon. HAHHA. Remember that in high school you loser? OMG FLASHBACKS!
ME: shutup. I remember you guys shouting that when I had to stand up infront of the little kids and explain the scholarship I got to them.
Jenn: well thats what you get for being an overachiver-asshole.
Jenn: it's ok. we're all friends here, and no one knows/likes you anyway.
Jenn: memememememememememme.

Update: I have no creative skills at all

I fixed this shithole. With a blogger template because I'm lazy and too sick to fiqure out why my old coding was fucking almost everything about the site up. (ie: comments)I did a little hacking to it to make it look better, nothing major because like I said, me = lazy and stupid.
anyways, you can now comment away. please do.
as for me, I'm alive and still in pain, but with your money support I can go get drunk.

Good update later to come.
I've got the interview of the century all lined up.

yeah i know this page is fucked right up
ill fix it later, im so fucking sick right now its not even funny.
and sitting hurts like hell because i cracked a goddammed rib.
i look so hot. my right side of my back is swollen right up and i cant fucking walk without a severe hunch.

anyways youre just going to have to live with this the way it is until i feel like doing shit about it.
unless i decide to jump infront of a bus to end the pain.

Ten ways to reject someone:

10. If a semi-ugly guy asks for your phone number and you just know you could never fuck him, say something like " I already have a boyfriend."

9. Just say " I don't have a phone number. Give me yours, I'll call you"

8. Tell him that you're really busy and you don't have time for a guy right now.

7. Walk. Away. Fast.

6. Laugh really cute and make him want you more.

5. Say you've already got a fuckbuddy.

4. Tell him you're 12 years old. (my favorite, you seriously have to watch the jaw drop, and then they get it and add in a half-assed laugh to make themselves look "cool")

3. Say NO really loud and act pissed off.

2. Tell them if they can find you, then they can keep you, and run to your friend's house.

1. Embarrass him infront of the whole restaurant, and say no really loud and then laugh at him.

Ususally when someone asks for my number I just laugh it off and walk away with a trying-to-be-nice "sorry man. You're not my type" or something.

And in my line of work, you get used to guys drooling over you. Hell, even the waiters get used to guys drooling over them. When you're a waitress you put up with a lot of "subtle" sexual harassment. So when you walk to a table and ask "can I get you guys anything else" and one of them pipes up " yeah, your phone number please" You would think that you would be able to just roll with it and say "nope. mes ams retarded."

USUALLY that's how it goes.

But not today, oh no. I don't know what the hell got into me, or why I decided to snap and make an ass out of another human being infront of a shitload of people.
(probably because he was not hot.) I know, me shallow. Maybe it was the MISSING TEETH, or the fact that SOMEONE AT THAT TABLE SMELLED HORRIBLE.

Conversation went as follows:

me: can I get you guys anything else?
fugly: yeah, your phone number please.
me: LOUDLY SHOUTS: are you crazy? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. LOSER.
fugly: whoa, hahaha (people are staring at him now) Starts the routine "cool" save.
fugly: what about an address? (courtesy laugh) last name? (more courtesy laughs) ass grab?
me: (everyone is listening) Dude. No thanks. You stink.
me: I SMACK HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE FUCKING MENUS IN MY HAND.

This is when he decides to go to the bathroom. People around me are laughing and staring. I burst into laughter and proceed to tell the rest of my co-workers.
I swear to god I laughed for like half an hour.

Needless to say, I don't think he'll be back anytime soon.

I am awesome. Bow down.

True story.
Don't you all love me even MORE now?

ok. I fixed my email link. ( i swear i did it on purpose) and decided to go with blogger comments. bad news: all old comments DELETED.

Taking a cat top the vet

ignore me im drubnk

taking a cat to the vet sucks
'today i had to take a friends cat tothe vet in fartiview and it sucksed
I got there and it turns out the cat is dying and its got kindny problems... but then domet we all?

I went drinmking at wacys party tonight I saw a bunch of sluts . it qwias cool though because i played dj and i was rockiong the house
t yoing is really hard.


i got cat hair all over my shit at the vet and he kept staring at my booies
it was crreeepy cuz he was okld.

i drank like 11 beers and did body shots with somje hot guy... i know skank.
anyways i thought id better update with soemthing cux moones heard from me in days
i gotta go watch carrie.

( total time for update= 00.35 seconds. may am i quoick on the draW

later