Laundry Day:

I went to the Laundromat today. With My friend Amanda.

Amanda decided that it was a good idea to help out with my laundry. She grabbed everything that was on the floor in my room, and hallways, and kitchen, living room and bathroom (I guess I'll take off my clothes anywhere) threw it all in the bag, and toted it off to the heavens of water and soap. Red Nike sweater included.

This summer I went to town, where I proceeded to flirt with the most incredibly hot guy. I was wearing my red Nike sweater with a hood. He touched it. I was like now in love with that sweater.




Since that day in July I think I have worn it about 100 times.


Since that day I have washed that sweater a total of 0 times.


I'm crazy.
Well to you, I probably am. I cling to things that have special meaning to me. Like really cling. You couldn't pull me away from a couch at my friends apartment for like 6 months because.... because.

I didn't wash that sweater because me and (Chris Bateman needs to call me! 505-0735) incredibly hot guy were like best friends for a whole day ...at the mall, and the bar, and the party. He was the coolest guy ever. I guess I just wanted something to remember him by. And the only thing I got was his hottie cooties on one meaningless red Nike hooded sweater.

Today that meaningless sweater ended up in the laundry.

The meaningless hottie cooties are now in the sewer.

So I pull my clothes out of the dryer, throw them on a table and start folding. Half way through, I find my sweater and freak out. I mean FREAK RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.

"Ohhhh MY GOD! You washed this too? You washed this sweater? Do you KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS? MY FUCKING SWEATER! I LOVE THIS SWEATER! You FUCKING wrecked this SWEATER!"

"WHAT? Lemme see! Is there stains? Did it shrink?"

"NO! It's GONE. The GUY IS GONE!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"SUMMER!!!... the guy."

"JENN.. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

People are looking at me like I'm coming off a bad trip or something. I feel a tear come down my cheek. I gave Amanda the look of death and walked outside. Then I got emo.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that all I've done for the past two days I had off was watch Mandy Moore and Lindsey Lohan flicks. I've watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, A walk to Remember, Freaky Friday, Chasing Liberty, Mean Girls, How to Deal, and American Wedding for good measure. I feel like a 13 year old virgin all over again. So sue me.

skizard

I fucking hate work

Work sucks.

They make me go for half hour coffee breaks every two hours.... I have to sit around the water cooler and gossip.

They make me take an hour lunch (paid) everyday.

They make me wear antlers. The cool reindeer ones. YEAH. HOT.

Sometimes they make me go to the bank.

My boss makes me sleep with him.

Some days, when no one has appointments I get to play on the internet.

The phone on my desk never rings.

The keyboard is awesome. I mean SHITTY.

They make me make coffee. INSTANT FUCKING COFFEE. In a coffee maker.

They make me get up early. Like 7am. Because I have to be there by 8am.
When you don't go to bed until 455am... That sucks.

I have to attend all of the "business meetings".

I have to wear dress pants. The black ones. That make my legs look like sticks.

They pay me too much to do too little.

When it's cold out I get to talk on the phone to my friends. Because no one is coming or going anywhere.
____ I started this post like three days ago and I swore to myself that I would finish it in the morning, but I never woke up until now. And I'm bored with this topic so bleep you.


___________

High school reunion pisses me off to no end.

"high school reunion" is a show on the WB on Tuesday night at 10pm mountain time. I watched it tonight with my roomie who is retarded.

This show is fucking gay. The whole concept is to get a bunch of the cool kids to come back and reunite with there former classmates from 10 years ago.
I'm guessing all of these people are like 16.

The guys are the old jocks, and "shy guys" and nerds.

The girls are whores. Because that's what fat middle aged men that watch the WB want to see.

They have the whole list of losers. Even the token fat girl gone "skinny" and prone to total emotional meltdowns on national TV.

ANYWAY, This show is fucking gay. So what if I've only watched one show, I can make my opinion. Screw you.
The whole hour is like one huge makeout session. SERIOUSLY IT'S NOT AS COOL AS IT SOUNDS.
The guys aren't even hot. The girls will fuck anything with legs.


On this episode, they play truth or dare. The dares are mostly "make out with so and so because if we don't have ___% sex per episode we won't get our paychecks." Hence my 16 years old assumption.
The redneck guy goes crazy and starts ranting about everyone and the preppy chicks are all like "oh. my god. He said what? what a freak! hehehehehe!" God damn sluts.

Whatever, I'm done with this. Don't watch TV. Read my website. AND THE ARCHIVES. All the time. I think I'm pretty entertaining.

--------- I think It's time for another audblog. Well maybe, hang on. My phone is ringing. Ok. It's Jesse. I'm going to the bar tomorrow, I guess. I'll try to remember my phone tomorrow night when I go drinking. I'll record something tomarrow. It might be comedic gold.




If I don't get too drunk and drop my cell in the toilet.

THE CRAZIES

Holy crap I start my new job in an hour and a half. I haven't slept all night.

I have butterflies.

I think I'm going to puke.



I'm seriously having mixed emotions right now.

I wish I didn't quit the bar. I picked the wrong time to do it. It's the fucking holidays. I could have used that extra cash to buy people kick ass shit they don't need and don't want. So they could give it back to me next year.

On the other hand I'm so kcufing excited to start working somewhere that doesn't attract losers. And I only have to dress hot if I want to, because, let's face it... when was the last time you tipped a secretary? It's scary that I'm going to be the newbie though. I hate being new. No one talks to you normal because they think you don't know shit all, and everyone fakes nice until they know you're cool. And I have to fake nice to all these people too, because I have no work friends I can talk to and bitch about other people with. God damn. I hope they feed me lots of cookies. Because I'm too nervous to eat right now. I'm scared instead of "hi!" I'll say "BAAAAAAARRRRRRF you smell!"

I'm also scared because I'm the youngest. Which sucks.


So yeah. I need to share an intimate moment with my blog right now. 1 sec.

Blog, if I fail at this, I'm going to cry for days. I don't want to go back to the bar, I don't want to fucking work at some grocery store, and I don't think I could fit me and my computer into a cardboard box. So if I fail, I'm going to blame you and never talk to you again. fucker. wait I like kcufer better. Cross your fingers for me. K? okay. Thanks man, you know I wuv ya.


OKAY. Long story short, I'm going to go in there, be all smile-e and make everyone love me with my cunning wit and charms.






And if that doesn't work I'm going to run home and lock myself in the bathroom.

I make theaters so hot:

Well today was the coolest and possibly worst day of my life.

I slept in. I got to eat McDonalds. (If you live in buttfuck nowhere, you will get the significance)I went shopping. I went to the movies. I got to drive around a lot and speed. And I got new undies.


I slept in and was late getting to the bank. I didn't get to pay any bills before I went shopping.

I got to eat McDonalds, I ordered a #1 with an orange, and instead got a #3 with a coke.

I went shopping and spent ALL of my money. (I have lots of self control.) I spent 70 bucks on Norton Antivirus 2005. I get it home, uninstall my old Norton firewall, and my old version of Norton antivirus. I put in the disk. 1000 times. My computer would not read that damn disk even if a hacker was going to blow up my RAMROD. I try system restore, and it won't restore my old Norton. So basically, feel free to send me bad links to porn sites and hack my computer for all my ass shots. Because lord knows Norton antivirus 2005 isn't going to stop anyone.
I also have to work at the shitty bar for 3 days just to make enough tips to pay off my cell and net bill. And then go to work my new desk job Monday morning at 9am. I'm probably going to jail soon, because I haven't paid some cash on my restitution this month.

I went to the movies. I have to watch the grudge again because we spent like ten hours at walmart trying on jeans. And breaking/stealing stuff. And playing Nintendo. And because on Thursday, your late night options are limited. We sit down. About ten minutes later the fire alarm goes off. I'm dead serious. So we all walk out of the doors into the lobby, and see the manager freaking out screaming "everybody out! It's in the back!" So, it's minus 20 outside,and there's like a 1000 people standing outside freezing. Kids are crying. Gay guys are making out. Then the fire trucks, ambulance, police, and swat team show up. I light a cigarette at this time because this is more action than I have seen in like 2 years. Then paranoid manager comes out and shouts "everyone that wants free movie passes go to petland" which is like a long fucking walk across the parking lot in the cold ass weather.
And ya know what? I knew I should have bought my digicam today, but I FUCKING FORGOT IT. I know you don't believe me so I'm going to show you the courtesy pass they gave me. No scanner, I suck hardcore.

It reads "Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience. This pass entitles you to one free admission for any regularly scheduled presentation. Valid 7 days a week. To be exchanged for an admission ticket. Subject to amusement taxes where applicable."
Sorry for any inconvenience? Yeah how about "sorry that you had to freeze your ass off and the god dammed building didn't even blow up". Fuck you.

I got to drive around a lot today. On the highway too. As I was passing a semi, he spits up a big rock and nails my windshield on the passenger side. My windshield is brand new, not even a scratch or crack. It splintered the glass. I got glass all over my lap and all over the inside of my truck and all over my friend's lap. If that would have went through it would have nailed her right in the fucking head. And what's worse is I didn't fucking stop the trucker and beat his ass... I mean get his shit so I could claim it on insurance. So yeah I have to pay out of pocket for the fucking thing. It was scary as hell too. I'm doing like 145k easy while I'm passing this fucker, and suddenly BAM! like whoa. The only words out of my mouth were HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK!. I pulled over and collected myself and the glass. I pulled out and thought GOD DAMN I SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT UP TO THAT FUCKER. So I stopped again and kicked my own ass.

CHECK OUT MY SLIPPERS:
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/250/2034/640/slippers.jpg

Me= PURE AWESOMENESS

I spend so much time online that I got a callus on my wrist from moving the mouse around a lot.

CHECK IT OUT!

HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS MAKE ME NERVOUS:

Thank god I'm not a public speaker. Laughs= me trying to break the awkward silence.

I sound totally hot right? RIGHT? RIGHT?



right.
I sure do.