OK. Fuck and a half. Bad day, long story. I'm not going to tell you because you don't care. And because it would ruin the point of this post.

I'm a fucking blogger. I have a fucking blogspot site. I'm fucking telling people I don't know all about me. I'm fucking pissed off that I'm doing this. It's not fucking cool. Why have other bloggers fucking linked me? Why the fuck do I have this site? Why the fuck do I make it a point in my day to update at least once?

WHY?
Because it's addicting that's why. When I got started last month I said: "Hmm, I'll try it out.. see if I like it. If I don't, I'll quit." Well more than 3000 hits later, here I am... writing a post. It's almost a need. I feel the need to write this post, I feel the need to update every day, I feel the need to deliver something to you. I have no idea what this does for me, or you for that matter. All I know is I'm pretty sure that everyone that writes stuff and puts it on the internet can identify with that feeling it gives you. It's scary, but really good at the same time.

I'm a drug dealer?:

Is it bad that my friends have now chosen me to turn to when they need a fix? Today, my girl Ashley came over at 10:30am, banging on my fucking bedroom window. I drag my ass out of bed in my plaid flannel pj pants, and stagger to the door. My hair is a mess, I'm all icky, and I probably smell like fabric softener sheets.

Now keep in mind I haven't seen her since my birthday, which was a long time ago. The look on my face alone was probably equivalent to a heroin junkies' when they haven't had a hit in ages. I almost died. I guess I can tell you why I haven't seen Ash since my birthday bash. One word: crack.
Ashley looks like shit now:
This is your ass:
. |
. |
(
. |
This is your ass on crack:
|
|
|
|
She used to be pretty and have meat on her bones. Now she weighs 85 pounds. It's like looking at a mega skinny Courtney Love. It's fucking sick.

So anyway. She wakes me up at 10:30 in the morning. BIG NONO. I go to bed at 8am as it is. I will kill people that awake me from my slumber. When I answer the door, the first words out of her mouth are "Do you have $20 so I can get high?" - umm, no bitch. I do have a foot that I can stick up your ass to lift you off my doorstep though.
"Do you have anything you can give me?" - you idiot. I'm sorry, I don't live for drugs, please die.
"I thought you were a dealer now" - *slams door in her face*

What the hell!?
Drugs don't bother me. Hell, everyone's done something. It just gets on my nerves when people are so dependant that they will stoop low enough to almost beg someone that hates them just to get high. And people have ass for a reason, feed it, it looks good on everyone.
Everyone that's on crack needs to eat like ten steaks a day. I like ass, so keep it.

I Roxor HTML:
...kinda.

Ok. New layout sitting in Notepad looking pretty. 1 problem. It's optimized for 800x600 resolution or lower. (the same problem pointed out by bing about this mornings' layout) I want it to look like haut shyt in all resolutions, but I'm stupid.
If you are super awesome and know what I'm missing here.... TELL ME.
kthxbye

Update:
Thanks for nothing you guys. I figured it out myself. I rule so much.
Well new layout looks sexy to me.... Any bugs/flaws that I missed? I'm sure all the links work, comments work, and it covers all of MY browser window. Tell me whatcha think.

I am so great:

Ever have the feeling that you could be doing better stuff with your time? I do right now. I could do something about it, but that takes work. So I'm going to waste your time.
Three things I learned today:
1. I gained 5lbs. Woo hoo for me. No longer a stick. I rule so much.

2. My nose is funny looking.

3. New bodywash can make a girl super happy. Especially if it smells like flowers.

Three things I wish I did today:
1. Ate pizza.

2. Slept longer.

3. Had a beer.

Three things I want you to do for me:
1. Eat pizza.

2. email me

3. Eat more pizza.

Three things I want to happen tomorrow:
1. Pizza.

2. Cookies.

3. My left foot.

Three things that are going to happen tomorrow:
1. Nothing.

2. Nothing.

3. Nothing.

Three reasons why I'm doing this:
1. NO REASON.

2. BOREDOM.

3. LACK OF PIZZA.

In headlines today:

Ford Motor Company finally relented and told the world the true meaning of FORD.
"Fucking Old Rusted Driveshaft " - This was explained (by a company executive) to mean: "we used old parts to umm make them move and stuff! It like worked for a tiny bit, then you would have to like get that thingy in car fixeded."
This has lead many to the correct conclusion that Ford sucks ass. The company has now developed a new slogan "Fuck Ford, buy a Dodge." If you drive a Ford, the company suggests you take it to a hick town and sell it to the first yokel you see for 25 dollars. Don't bother taking it to a used car dealership, the money you'd get for it wouldn't make up for the gas.

Brittany Spears, (you may remember her from the film "Crossroads") is now in hospital. She was brought in late last night, apparently suffering from massive anal tearing. She was practicing her new upcoming role in the Playboy Channel feature: "I'm a pop star, love me harder!" ER reports stated that she was in bed with Mr. Hefner at around 10:30pm last night, bent over taking it doggy when Hefner passed out. (from an apparent overdose on Viagra) She then fainted because she thought she killed the man, fell out of bed and landed on a rather large bottle of white wine. Hopefully Pilates can whip that ass back into shape in time for her next video.

Michael Jackson, is now facing new charges on counts of robbery. It seems that before all of the child molestation charges surfaced, he was almost broke. When he was officially charged, the cost of the lawyers were great, he was forced to go into a grocery store and steal basic necessities.
When he was walking out with his econo-pack of asswipe, a security guard stopped him to see a sales slip. Of course he did not have one. When he was brought into the station early this afternoon, he said the following: "Look at me! I thought no one would give me trouble. I'm white! I had a back up plan too, if anyone said anything I was just going to take off my nose and throw it at them, then run. But when I saw that sexy young male guard I got lost in his eyes..."

ythdhgt67yh7856:

Title=me banging my head on my keyboard repeatedly.
I hate teenagers:
Shutup, I know that 19 is still a __teen number. I'm talking about all those freaks that sit alone on your buddy list under the header: People that I feel bad for: The ones with screen names like: ImAseSyBitCe or HaUtDAwG. The ones that make you sick. The ones that are just so stupid you want to kill them, only to put yourself and their parents out of their misery:

Idiot*:hey ya wanna hear sumthin funny?
ME:yes.
Idiot:ok my bro caught sum ring worms from sumwhere and he had them but he didnt tell any one bcause he said he liked scratching bcause it felt like he was getting some
ME:that is the nastiest thing i have ever heard
Idiot: i thught it was funny kinda
ME: youre gay


here: hey how du u go 2 sumthing to type out stuff
Skehis: go to what?
here: like to type out something like home work or sumthing
Skehis: go to microsoft word
here: ok
here: dont c it
here: where du i look
Skehis: is it in "programs?"
Skehis: did you find it?
here: no i dont c it
Skehis: did you find programs?
here: wat u mean
here: yup
Skehis: ok
Skehis: click that
here: k
Skehis: go to programs and find microsoft word
here: k i'll try
here: dont c it
Skehis: are there any shortcuts on your desktop?
here: lemmie c
Skehis: do you even know what im talking about?
here: i th ya
Skehis: close all your windows
Skehis: is there anything on the front of your screen
here: yup
here: i know wat ur talkin bout
Skehis: so is there anything that looks like a "w"
here: w??
Skehis: a blue w
Skehis: in a square
here: im juss screwed
Skehis: screenshot your desktop
here: wat is screen shot
Skehis: take a picture of your screen
here: wat du u mean
Skehis: you dont know what i mean?
Skehis: hang on
here: no
here: k
Skehis: take this file and tell me if you can open it
Transfer of "HEY.doc" is complete.
Skehis: can you read it?
here: yup
here: wat du i du
Skehis: go to the top of the page
Skehis: there will be a file button, click that, and select "new"
Skehis: then type away
Skehis: you owe me $9.95/minute for tech support
Skehis: paypal only
here: du i really
Skehis: yes
Skehis: im expensive
Skehis: that was hard work
Skehis: ya know explaining to dumbasses how to open microsoft word
here: i got no money
here: sorry i'll have to pay in sex
Skehis: umm no
Skehis: being a stupid 16 year old is not a turn on
here: ya u know u want it
Skehis: no i dont
here: hey can i say this and use it 4 lata
here: o and u spelt dumby wrong lol
Skehis: no i didnt
Skehis: dummy
here: thats wrong its dumby
Skehis: no its not
Skehis: im right i know
here: hey can i say this and use it 4 lata
Skehis: save
here: tha type thing
here: yup
Skehis: go to file and find "save as"
here: k
Skehis: do you even look at shit before you start asking me fucking gay questions?
Skehis: did you ever take any computer classes in school?
Skehis: goddamn, if youre the future, the world is seriously screwed...
here:hahaha ur funny
Skehis: haha, youre an idiot.
Skehis: I gotta go
Skehis: please die.
here: k by!

mmmK!11! AlL of You littLE AOL'ers NEed TO fucking StaY in ScHOOl!

On a side note:
Don't ever fucking tell me I'm wrong. Especially when I'm not. It's not wise. I will verbally kick your ass. I know how to spell dummy, fucking dummy.
*screen name omitted because I'm a loving individual.

You people should talk to me because I'm way smart.
AIM
EMAIL

PS: I didnt spell check this. The wear on my finger would have been too great, I mean, in order to leave this post intact I would have had to hit ignore 95215434354 times. So, if there are any spelling mistakes on my part, you need a life. Stop anaylising my posts.

Breaking NEWS: I'm un-telligent!

In case you people haven't figured this out yet, I'm an uber net geek obsessed with online tests. I just took the Un-telligence test. I rock so much.
CHECK IT OUT DUDES! Like totally:
My results
-You have a knack for greatness. For the record,you are:
69% Un-telligent!
which is significantly higher than the current average of 60%

-"The subject shows a very high level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation.

"Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; she just isn't tough enough, sir, and she avoids any solution that involves violence."

"Finally, the subject displayed a healthy (better than most net freaks anyway) sense of humor, a decent and respectable sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."

AND GUESS WHAT PEOPLE! I go the highest score ever!! I'm not kidding, I so aced this mofo'!

"And as always, we publish overall test statistics:
4908197 people have taken the un-telligence test
Of all takers, 53% were female and 47% were male
Currently, males are averaging higher!
The highest score achieved so far was by a female, age 19!"
*ahem* That would be me. I'm so cool.

Send me email and I'll reply in my superhugantic intellectual way, or something.

Update? NO.

Yes I'm here. I think I'm sick or something. I haven't been the frequent updater that I usually am. You lucky people.

Big hugeantic news.
1. I'm working on a DOMAIN. It should be up sometime. In the next twenty years.
2. I'm cool.
3. I'm really megahigh on coffee.
4. I'm moving.
/End big hugeantic news.


Fries are cool. I had the bestest time when I went for coffee today. Tracy ate, and I made her spit on me. I'm so awesome.

Tracy: MMMM FRIES.
Me: haha FRIES!
Tracy: *cuts a fry with a fork* I don't like long fries.
Me: You don't like long anything. FAG.
Me: *in my best fry voice* "NOOO! Don't hurt me. AHH MY GOD THE PAIN!
Tracy: mmmm. Get in my belly. *proceeds to eat as grotesque as she can*
Me: *in another fry voice* I shout: MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN! Everyone! Pull out the big guns! GO DOWN IN A BLASE OF GLORY!
Tracy laughs and spits fry chunks all over me, people stare. We calm ourselves and Tracy keeps eating.
Now she starts with the gravy.
Tracy: MMM gravy.
Me: haha you idiot.
Tracy: *stabs a fry with her fork*
Me: *in my pirate fry voice* ARRRGH! Ya gots me! NOOO! Not the gravy! Ye 'ill scrub the poop deck! NO NO NO! Not the gravy!! YE CANNOT SWIM!
Tracy: water water water water! (I think she has some kinda studder)

It was really cool. People think I'm on some kind of drugs or something. Goofing off in public is great fun. I have a "pirate fry" voice.
I'm like laughing my fucking ass off right now. Coffee is great. If you're not, go drink massive amounts of coffee. Then read this again.

Wanna be super cool like me Strongbad? Get this wicked wallpaper. It's true. Every time I look at me, I can't believe how awesome I am.

I'm really cool:

Happy birthday to me. I was looking back through my posts today, and I saw the first one I made, it sucked. But the date was Dec. 22/03. That would make me one month stupid! Woo hoo for me. I think that's the longest I've ever paid attention to something. Even school.

Anyways I rock. I really really rock. I'm supermega cool to the extreme. I have the coolest (insert something awesome here). I am (insert something nice here).
I really am (insert another word for perfect). You all (insert something that means blow ass, but nicer).

Have a nice day. I'm wicked. Wicked cool. Remember that.
Send me email

I hate girls:

Want to know the number one question I hear from all my guy friends?
"Why aren't women solution oriented?"
To which I used to reply:
"What? We are. We don't like having problems, so we deal with them."

WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT
I have just realized that I was brainwashed by my own gender. Case in point: Tracy.

Tracy:
-is my best friend
-is female
-is kinda smart
-is dating a few guys, hates at least one of them, and does dick about it.

This wouldn't piss me off if I didn't have to hear about her fucking bad dates every damn day. She totally hates one of them. (who will remain nameless for Tracy's sake. Ya know, fuck it. Jarrod Harem, Tracy fucking hates your retarded ass. Stop calling, stop asking her out. I hate you too. You make MY life hell as well) See how easy that was?! Stupid females. If you don't like something, stop telling me about it. Change the situation. Get rid of the problem. Stop pissing around and complaining that it sucks. OR WORSE YET, THAT NOTHING IS WRONG!
If you choose to remain ignorant and do nothing about your fucking problems, don't come cry on my shoulder and ask for my help. It's simple. Most people will respond to a "fuck off." I do it all the time.

Whenever someone asks me why girls aren't solution oriented, I'm going to tell them to ask a "real girl." I have no clue why "they" choose to pull shit like that. As far as I can see, it doesn't get them attention from guys, or girls. It's pointless and fucking annoying. Just die.

You people need to send me more email. I'm getting kinda antsy.

My perfect day:

I would wake up in my three-story house, look out my window and see my ten foot tall fence. Thilo would be my neighbor. (hence the fence) I would go have a super long shower. (fence=good thing again) Cereal time. (life) Then I go shopping. It wouldn't be crowded, and if it was people would part (like Moses and the red sea) for me. I would see Nathan cruising in his "pimp mobile." He would honk, and try to run me over. (he's always telling me to eat shit and die. I talk to him almost everyday) Then I would go home and call Tracy. She would make me laugh somehow, most likely by telling me her grade on the social paper she just got back. I would call her an idiot. Then hang up.
For lunch I would have sushi at some cool outdoor diner with a hot waiter. Spuggy would roll up in his Lexus and have lunch with me. Then we'd go, and he'd let me drive. I go back home. I call everyone I don't know and tell them that there is going to be a kickass party at my house tonight. I get all excited because Justin is going to drive to my house in Cali just for the event. And he seems really cool. Ryan is also going to show up. (that's at least two very good looking guys. Yes two. Jenn=happy) I pee my pants, and then go buy massive amounts of alcohol.
I come home and call Tony, and we watch cool movies. Not porn. Yet. Brandon and his crew show up. They hang out on my deck and get high. They're cool.
Smit comes over and tells me cool stories about real college parties that I never get to go to. Cypress sucks. I laugh, because he would be so funny. The madponies would be cool and take me shoe shopping. Then I could put away the skate shoes and wear something perdy. Strongbad would send me an email because I'm so cool. And strong. And bad. Jenn=awesomeness
Then it's party time.
When all the super cool people arrive, we drink and drink and drink and drink and fight. Well not fight, that's just a song. (Irish Drinking Song-dropkick murphys)
Chad shows up with some of his friends. They seem cool. I let them in. (I know they are like 17, but I don't mind contributing to the delinquency of smart minors.)
We all drink more. I puke and end up passed out on the couch. No, I don't pass out. That's boring for me. I stay awake and eat. And draw on drunk people. And take pictures with my cam that went swimming. (It would work because it's my day bitches) I would then post those pictures on the internet to show everyone how cool I am. To keep them as mementoes of my childhood when I'm 98 years old. I can look back and say I was a party girl. And that I had friends.
When people come to the next day, they find out that they are really at Thilo's house. I got him drunk and brought the party over there. No mess for me. Jenn=smart.

I'm sure I left out cool people, actually I know I did. Sorry. There is a limit to my imagination. I can't think straight once I say RP, JUSTIN, THILO, SPUGGY, AND NATHAN, SMIT, THE MADPONIES, AND TONY in one post. And TRACY.
__________________________________________

UPDATE:

Mike from COA rocks my fucking socks off. Go read his birthday post, and send him an email saying that he's one "sesy bitche."
To all you people that said he didn't "do nothing for no one unless he gets something in return" kiss my ass. (*ahem* redbar) He plugged me. I'm probably not going to give him more than 2 hits. You kids these days...

Shoutout time:
"Hi Mike. You're hot."-from Jenn

And you people need to start sending me email again! RIGHT FRIGGIN NOW!

Got an email yesterday, some kid wants to know what my personality/life is like. (why? I have no idea) Seeing as I'm lazy and I don't really want to type that much, I just took a personality test, and you can base your opinions about me on that:


The Creator Your Jobs: You need a job where you can put your creative resources to good use. You can be a teacher , manager, counselor, spiritual leader, journalist, or designer. HAH. Journalist. I can't write worth shit.
Love: You need someone who can accept your moodiness and learn to deal. You cannot have someone who will constantly put you down, order you around, or ignore you. You need a listener who cares about your rapidly changing feelings. You may set your standards too high.
Your dream guy= Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer umm no
Your dream girl= Rinoa from Final Fantasy 8, Alyssa from Chasing Amy Can't they name chicks I've heard of?
You most likely... -Are a Gemini, Cancer, or Taurus. wrong. Jenn=Libra -Like arty movies and dramas. wrong. Kill someone and I love it. -Dont play any sports. I'm a competitive sleeper - Have two sides to you DUH! Front and back. Like movies that make you think. I like anything that makes me think.- Follow a religion What a crock of shit. They obviously don't fucking know me.
Best Friends: Dreamers, Social Butterflies
Love Interests: Dreamers and other Creators
Enemies: Villians and Kings I don't like myself?

I need an ass-kickin':

A boy asked a girl "Why do you wear a bra if you have nothing to put in it?" She said "Well, you wear pants don't you??"-haha.
Some chick sent me the joke today. I laughed for a second. Only because I have nothing better to do, and because I am trying my damnedest not to do the work that needs to be handed in before I write my finals. (you will notice that I'm writing finals really late. It's because I'm special, and I wanted to go to Canada for the holidays so got off the hook at the time)

It has become very apparent to me that this little site thing I have going is exactly like all the others. Maybe mine has cooler colors, and a smarter writer, but it's the same. Therefore I am making this my mission:
-Do the total opposite of what everyone else is doing. NOT. That's way too hard.

REAL MISSION: Do absolutely nothing.

It's now a good time to point out that people really do like me. I get email! This makes me happy. Jennifer=happy. This is a good thing. Send me more mail NOW.
I will keep writing the same stuff that I always did. (which is a whole lot of nothing) If you have any ideas as to what would make me cooler please send them with the subject: "do this to get supercool." I will gladly delete them for you. I don't care what you think.

Anyways. Time to thank Carson*someone*(who didn't tell me his last name probably for fear that I would start stalking him. Which I would) who reads my site at work. I am a procrastination tool. Whoo Hoo. In return I am using him as my procrastination tool, and writing here when I should be working on my law paper that's due in 2 days. I haven't even started. I am awesome. MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS WANTED. Anyone like yelling at people? I tried yelling at myself to start working, but I just went and cried in the corner. Any volunteers?

More cool sites:
Read about Ryan's encounter with a pirate.
For mommy. I really do love you. Don't kill me please.
Martin Luther King day article=you should read it.
Tony!

Wanna hear the funniest internet pickup line ever!? Net nerds take note.
Some funny "fan" (god it feels weird saying that) IM'ed me last night and said:

Skehis: where did you get my email address?
I AM NOT ENT: i don't recall ever having your email address dere
Skehis: you got it for MNS
Skehis: MSN*
Skehis: how did you get it?
I AM NOT ENT: did i?
Skehis: yes
I AM NOT ENT: i typed in sexy women in google and you came up
I AM NOT ENT: crazy shit hey?
Skehis: HAHAHAHAHA
Skehis: so really how did you get it?
I AM NOT ENT: I was the guy that emailed you from that site
Skehis: i see
I AM NOT ENT: ummm yeaaaaah
I AM NOT ENT: thath's ummm cooooow
Skehis: cow?
I AM NOT ENT: coool
I AM NOT ENT: i was sthpeaking with a lisp
Skehis: hahah
Skehis: you are so cool

NOTE: If you are going to IM me you have to be this cool or I will block you.

Bloody hell!

Today I woke up to find that my hands were covered/dripping with blood. This is not a normal phenomenon for myself, so of course I am still trying to figure out what the hell happened.
My mom called today. (at 8:30am) The conversation went as follows:
ME:Hello
MOM:Hi sweetie! How are you?! Good to hear from you. You never call anymore. What are you doing right now?
ME:I just woke up. Washing my hands. I've got a zillion cuts and I have no idea where they came from.
MOM:WHAT! Call an ambulance! Are you bleeding!? OH MY GOD! You're dying! What do these cuts look like?
ME:They are just small. Relax. Some are kinda deep, but I'm sure it's nothing. It's just on my hands. There's only like 13. It's nothing. It'll stop sometime.
MOM:Oh wow. It's stigmata. Where are they on your hands?
ME:Umm, palms. A couple are on my thumbs.
MOM:It's a sign from God! Jennifer, that's stigmata! You are turning into a saint!
ME:*laughs* That's retarded. You know me. I can't believe you just said that. You really need to get out more, those church socials don't count.
MOM:I'm serious. It's written in the bible!
ME:This conversation is gay. I have to go get drunk or something. Nice talkin to ya. BYE MOM!
*click*
So my mom thinks I'm turning into a saint... MUHAHAHAHA

The way I see it there are ten possibilities: (arranged from least likely to most likely)

10. It was ketchup
9. Tracy's mad because I made her go bang on some chicks door to see if I could borrow their cam.
8. Tracy's mad because I call her an idiot everyday.
7. I got suicidal for ten minutes and forgot.
6. I got drunk at a party, beat the shit outta someone and then passed out.
5. Tracy was practicing her embroidery skills on my hands when I was sleeping.
4. Some idiot tried to kill me.
3. I eat too much.
2. I pulled a steak out of the fridge and went atter' carnivore style.
1. I killed someone.

Hello Hello:

GOD DAMN! I'm in such a good mood today! Sleep is my friend.

For those of you wondering where my psychotic-bitch post went, I got the following email when I woke up this morning:
From: "hyperboy" onix@together.net
To: atokar@telus.net
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 5:03 AM
Subject: I'm Hard

>oh my god. that was so hot. gurls getting mad is like so sesy.
>
>pls send me some more. i am a fan of urs site and i love the
>way you get mad.
>i'm so hard right now. i love u.
>pls get back 2me.
>
>jason
I fell out of my chair laughing. After I caught my breath, I replied:

From: "Jennifer" atokar@telus.net
To: onix@together.net
Sent: Wednesday, January 14, 2004 8:45 AM
Subject: Re: I'm Hard

>Jason, you are fucking gay. I will now remove the article
>completely, as for the
>way you made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Seeing as
>you are a fan, I will be sending you something to sustain
>yourself when I am not angry.
>
>A "fully equipped" blow up doll is on its way to your door
>as we speak.
>
>Have a nice day.
>
>P.S: I'm telling you in advance that I will be posting this on
>the internet. No hard feelings I hope. You just made me
>laugh so hard, and you strike me as the kind
>of person that does not know how to comprehend what I
>write anyway.

I love the people that come to this site!

Skrilled forums Join NOW
GM: Read the top ten lists The site is great. Ryan's hot.
This whole site is worth reading 600 times

BbB xXx ZzZ:

The end of the world is coming, and it's starting at my fingertips.

New keyboard. Happy happy joy joy! (like you care) For all of my AIM/MSN friends, it's going to get a lot a little more fun to talk to me! XXXXXXZZZZZZ. Sorry. I had to throw those in there. I don't have any cool words to say that involve z's or x's, and they needed to know how much I missed them.

MY GOD. Thanks to all the people that sent me puppies/love letters. You all rock my socks off. I replied to every single one of you. Now I have like 50 dogs. You can buy them back for $95. Each. Paypal only.
For once my inbox wasn't clogged with spam, people really wanted to talk to me. I'm special. NOT
Send me more mail, goddammit!
It's so awesome to write a post without stopping to cut and paste things. I bet you all know what this means. 37 updates a day! Aren't you excited?

Remeber:
Take your vitamins. All the time. XXXXZZZZZBBBB. Chickens.


Go to Ban This.
Also check out: Janelle

Companies should send me good spam. You'd think that they would catch on to the fact that if I really wanted to increase the size of my penis, I would reply to them.

More people should go to :ban this. They have sent me more hits than google in the past day or two, and I feel kinda guilty that I've only sent them like three. It's a super cool site, trust me. If it wasn't it would not make it on my link list under the heading: Cooler Sites.

Someone should email me a puppy. A really cute puppy. To email me a puppy: click here.

Chicken should never, ever, ever, come from a can.

People should stop leaving dumbass comments in my shoutbox. If you have something stupid to say please send me an email. I really don't care if I've been baseballed? by some ugly dude. If you don't like the site, don't stay. I don't hold anyone hostage here. Yet. Seriously though, I don't care. If I couldn't handle it, I wouldn't have comments/a shoutbox. If you think any of the stuff you say matters to me. You're stupid.

Someone should help me pay for a lobotomy for my dear, stupid friend Tracy. The world I would be much better off.

Classes should start no earlier than 4:00pm everyday. I fucking hate getting up at 9:30am. I want to kill people. It's not safe to be around me when I don't sleep enough.

I should get a life. I have nothing cool to talk about so I'm just saying random shit. This is pretty much a normal everyday conversation for me. I don't care what you did. Just listen to me talk about nothing. That's it. And don't fucking interrurpt me with your sob story that you're going to be late for class. OH DAMN. I'm way more important.

I am so awesome:

I've been "blugged."

I'm so honored. This is possibly the coolest thing anyone has ever done for me. Someone took the time to write a post on the internet about how much of an asshole I am. I'm not being sarcastic at all. I LOVE THIS GUY. It's so awesome to me because unlike the hatemail I get, it's well written. It makes sense. The kid is right.

However, this does not mean I'm going to change anything about my site. I have fun writing the things I do. A couple other people have some sort of fun reading them. What shocks the hell outta me is that this means people are actually reading this shit site. Since when did someone care about the stuff I write?

Thank you Mr. Blugger for making my day.

This stuff rules:

Two days ago, I said that I would never rave about anything. Seeing as I typically contradict myself, (general female behavior) I am going to give you my list of really super-duper cool things:

1. Steak: Good to b.b.q, tastes good with potatoes, is fun to kill, and now is cheaper because of the small risk of going crazy when eating it. That's a risk worth taking...

2. Music: Is a good way for people to stay sane/brainwash kids/make money. Nowadays you don't even need talent, just look really hot and you are famous.

3. Air freshener: Kicks ass for one reason: Public bathrooms

4. The internet: Is the greatest thing in the world. It was invented for people like me nerds that have no social life to group into a thing called the "net world" and make lots of "net" friends that also have no real life, but everyone loves them and wants to know them on the internet. This has nothing to do with me, I'm so cool in real life.

5. Anything that moos: Fuck a steak, give me whole damn cow. Get in my belly! Cows rule so much that they must be mentioned twice.

6. Smart kids: I like anyone with half a good brain. Kids these days seem to be forgetting that you do need to know some things that you can't learn from video games/street hustlin'. Stay in school, you idiots.

7. Suspenders: Helping old people (and Mrs. Spears, wait her pants come off faster than something really fast.) keep their pants on since 1975.

8. Coffee: Simple math will tell you why coffee is one of the best things ever
Coffee+sugar+cream+Jennifer= semi-world peace
Coffee+sugar+cream+someone other than Jennifer= total chaos.
Save the coffee for me bitches.

Everything else sucks because I said so.
This is the coolest blog I've seen, as of five minutes ago*: click here
*NOTE: this can or will change whenever the hell I feel like it should.

You suck:

I am blow away by the stupidity of the vast majority of people. I was talking to some un-friend on AOL today. My words: "You should go to ojobojo and read the updates. The new love letter kicks ass." and her motherfucking response was: "what? ojobojo? is that porn?"
You fucking idiot. No it's not porn. It's like my favorite website. HOW THE HELL COULD YOU NOT KNOW? HE IS BIGGER THAT JESUS! I then proceeded to ask her about all the other super cool sites out there like Chokey Chicken, Skrilled, Richardland, and Smit Happens. Again, no clue. I wanted to pull her head out of her ass. Some kids these days.... She did know about Gorilla Mask, but I still killed her. If you are that retarded, you need to die. Get some motherfucking taste in good websites. I seriously doubt that you found this shitty site before all of these mega cool ones. If you did you really suck, but pretend that you didn't. If I ever ask you about one of these sites and you don't know what I'm talking about, I will kick your ass. Simple as that.
<------my link list is that way you fool.

Dammit People:

I have nothing to bitch about. I'm happy today. What the hell? This is a sign, the end of the world is coming. A female has nothing to bitch about. WE'RE DOOMED. Wait, this is all your fault. People haven't pissed me off in awhile. You fucking idiots, what the hell is wrong with you? Get back to normal and act like freaks. Help a girl out, I mean, COME ON! You people suck.

I'm officially making this a code red. (Yes I can fucking do that, I'm friends with the president. Don't tell him I don't agree with the "war." Fuck it, show him this site, he can't read anyway.) The call is out for all of America to act like fucking fools and get it on tape. Once you have successfully done this, send it to me, and I'll make you semi-famous, known to two people. Give me something to rant about and I'll give you a dollar.

I know some of you are saying "but Jenn, why don't you ever rave about anything?" My response? If you find something that I don't know about that's actually kinda cool, (and undiscovered by the majority of people) I'll talk about how much I love it.

Until then, pretend you're with your mother-in-law. I'm just like that, I tell you that you're an idiot, yell a lot, and make smartass comments about how you are good for nothing. The only difference is I'm way cooler, and sometimes funnier.
Send me motivational email:

For those of you thinking about the fact that I didn't update yesterday, kiss my ass. I have just discovered this really cool thing called sleep, and now I do it for like 19 hours a day. Between doing nothing, and my 1 or 2 classes a day, I don't have time to write everyday didn't feel like writing dick last night. I rule.
Ryan Perry's post is here in 2 days.

Get with the times people:

Ever waited in line at a store while some asshole is writing a cheque? My god, it makes me want to whip out the pistol and cause a ruckas. Some people still think it's ok to write things by hand, what the hell is wrong with them? In this day and age computers type everything into universal understandable writing. No messy-writing shit at all.

Writing out cheques is like kicking me in the junk. It takes longer that usual, (most smart people can work a PIN pad in seconds) and I fucking hate waiting for your untechnological ass at the grocery store. Some much cooler people have things to do. When I'm standing there, econo-pack of condoms in hand*, (getting ready for my super cool weekends) the last thing I want to see is a motherfucking line building behind me because of you.

Some of you are saying "what if: I'm old and I don't see well/can't remember my information/I'm a fucking stupid idiot?"
My response:
If you are old don't leave the damn house. No one likes you and you are just really annoying. Having the clerk repeat themselves to you is a pain in the ass. While some like screaming in your ear for practice, most want to hit you with your damn cain and throw you out of the fucking store.

Can't remember shit? I'll fix that. Bend over, and I'll shove my FUCKING FOOT UP YOUR ASS.
Seriously, if you can't remember 4 numbers and your account type, you need to be shot. For those of you kids that think having a 27 digit PIN is cool; you, as well need to be shot. Most of the time you screw up one damn number and have to do it again.

You are an idiot? Move to my (soon to be) country! You'll love it. So will the guy that shoots you...

The next time someone writes a cheque in front of me, I'm gonna go all high tech on their ass. I'll lend them my credit card, and in return they will let me beat the dollar amount out of them. Hey, that's a good idea. I wouldn't mind buying poor people groceries if I got to beat them to a pulp, someone should start a charity like that.

Need food? Contact me:FEED ME
(* God damn sarcasm. I don't want all the "Jenn that's the coolest/gayest thing any chick has ever said" mail.) So send me mail about how cool/gay it was of me to say that:
Jenn, that's the coolest thing a chick has ever said
Jenn, that's the gayest thing a chick has ever said

Someone give me money:

If I had a lot of money you can bet your ass that I would have all of these things:

1.THIS. I'll take Jesse too.

2. A live-in foot massager: I NEED this. Someone to massage my feet would make me 900% happier. (1000% happier if it's someone really hot)

3. A tricycle: I miss my wittle twcycle. My dad ran it over with the truck when I was 7. It's a funny story, I was riding on the sidewalk when my dad was getting ready to work. He hopped in the truck, looked back, and slammed on the gas. Made me think that I should stop peeing on him. (I never did)

4. A trailer: I need this to have all my supercool parties in. I don't want to dirty the huge freakin' mansion I have now.

5. A tiger: I've always loved the way they look. (so cute and cuddly of course) I think having one in the house would be way cooler than spending cash on a security system. Everyone in the world should buy a tiger; people wouldn't rob houses, and tigers would never be extinct. If you are one of those animal rights people, you are either (A) TIGER FOOD or (B) ROBBED. Just do the right thing and get a damn tiger bitchs.

6. The biggest hotel chain in the world: I've always wondered what it was like to act like Paris Hilton. I blame all of her wrongs on the hotel. It must be hard to (not) run a huge hotel, party all night, and not go to school. Poor girl.

7.Dancing lessons from Shakira: I wish I could do that shake thing that she does. I tried once, I ended up rotating my ass into a wall. Once you start swiveling your hips it's really hard to stop/steer.

8. Cheek implants: This has got to be the gayest plastic surgery out there. I want it just so I can see the reaction on normal people's faces when I say "Aren't my new, fat cheeks great?"

9. A continent: I want to rule over people, owning a land mass would be so cool. I could sell people houses on my country, and make laws like:
(A) Drinking anything other than beer is forbidden.
(B) The anthem will be: Get Naked by Methods of Mayhem
(C) Killing stupid people is not illegal.

10. I would go to a real college, not fucking Cypress: Not good enough to get in? MUAHAHA... How 'bout $10 bucks? That's what I thought....

11. A real website: Wait, I already have this, I'm just lazy.

If you are rich and want to give me money contact me Here. Small donations of $2000 at a time will also be accepted.

Commence operation: typical female post

Hi every1! I missed u sooooooo much. Guys r so dum hey? I think so. I wish that 1 day someone would come and tell my stoopid bf to go to hell. HEHE. I'm being silly again, dont u luv me? AWWW KISSES! OMG you guys! NE of ya'll heard of brittney spears? SHE IS SOOOOO Perdy! Like if you didnt hear her yet, go by her new cd ok? Dogs are wayyyyy to cute hey? I mean there all fuzzy, and they have I's. SOOOOO CUTE! OMG I'm soooo going on a date with some guy on tomarro. Be 'cited 4 me you guys! LOLOLOLOL. Did you no that i passed my spelling test today? I soo rocked that chicka!Send me cool presents. I really really really diserve them. I have to go for a walk with my gurl so I'll hug ya l8ter. (kisses though) hehe. I'm so cool. LUV U!

Someone wanna hold my hair? I think I'm going to puke...

Some people need to get lives:

I hate bloggers that are fake. Like ones that write something opinionated when someone opposes it, they do the cowardly thing and take it down and pretend it never happened. If you have something to say that YOU think is valid, write it. All people are never going to agree with you, that's life. DEAL WITH IT. Taking the easy way out is not cool, or admirable. If you are going to write something that has the potential to piss someone off ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I a sissy loser that cannot take criticism in any form?
2. Do I have the guts to stand by my opinion?
3. Should I really care if anyone has a different opinion?
(If your answers read anything but: no, yes, no. THEN STOP RIGHT THERE.)

If you are one of those hatemailer people think along the same lines. Hatemail is a total waste of your time. The true blogger is going to laugh at you, post some smartass reply on their site, and then the rest of the world is going to laugh with them. The only function of hatemail is to make others think you are an idiot. Hatemail is good for a laugh, but if you think that your "words of wisdom" are going to change the thoughts of the writer, YOU ARE WRONG. In most cases your hatemail is deleted. It's not thought about for more than a second. Your thoughts suck. When a smart person has a belief they stick to it, no matter how hard you try to prove them wrong. (Think about religious freaks. You can tell them that they are stupid for following a "god", but they just don't care. They are stuck in that mindset. Same rules apply here.)

So, in conclusion, everyone needs to stop being so damn lame. (send me the link to your sissy site) Get a life, and then send me hatemail so I can laugh at you.

Send me an email!

Chickens!!!

I couldn't think of a title so I just typed the first thing that popped into my head.(ok, maybe not first, I didn't think _____ would be a good title) Use your goddamned imagination. I'm not going to implicate myself.

Anyway, when I fist started writing my shit here, I said I would update 37 times a day. I broke that yesterday. (wait, no I didn't. I put the new years post up at 11pm, and that counts as one post for two days. Seeing as the 31st and the 1st are days about the same thing.) I still rule. You guys suck if you think I don't.

So, seeing as this is 2004, I'm going to start it with my sappy "thank you" post.(Copy this, there is only one day a year when I actually show appreciation for something/someone)
I can't believe how many people actually read this site. It's only been a few days, and almost 450 people have been here. (what's remarkable is I haven't gotten any true hate mail. I'm sure I kinda pissed off that Gwen Preacher chick) I think that's pretty damn cool. I get to make fun of people, tell everyone that I am "the coolest person that ever lived," and make stupid statements about things that would normally warrant a beating from someone with opposing beliefs. The coolest thing is people actually read them. I can't stress this enough: THAT IS FUCKING COOL. I'm having fun. Are you? (yes, you are. I'm not taking a motherfucking poll, I only am giving you one choice)

Oh yeah: Thanks for coming, I don't think I would have bothered with this site if it only got one hit a day.
Someone send me an email!