Laundry Day:

I went to the Laundromat today. With My friend Amanda.

Amanda decided that it was a good idea to help out with my laundry. She grabbed everything that was on the floor in my room, and hallways, and kitchen, living room and bathroom (I guess I'll take off my clothes anywhere) threw it all in the bag, and toted it off to the heavens of water and soap. Red Nike sweater included.

This summer I went to town, where I proceeded to flirt with the most incredibly hot guy. I was wearing my red Nike sweater with a hood. He touched it. I was like now in love with that sweater.




Since that day in July I think I have worn it about 100 times.


Since that day I have washed that sweater a total of 0 times.


I'm crazy.
Well to you, I probably am. I cling to things that have special meaning to me. Like really cling. You couldn't pull me away from a couch at my friends apartment for like 6 months because.... because.

I didn't wash that sweater because me and (Chris Bateman needs to call me! 505-0735) incredibly hot guy were like best friends for a whole day ...at the mall, and the bar, and the party. He was the coolest guy ever. I guess I just wanted something to remember him by. And the only thing I got was his hottie cooties on one meaningless red Nike hooded sweater.

Today that meaningless sweater ended up in the laundry.

The meaningless hottie cooties are now in the sewer.

So I pull my clothes out of the dryer, throw them on a table and start folding. Half way through, I find my sweater and freak out. I mean FREAK RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.

"Ohhhh MY GOD! You washed this too? You washed this sweater? Do you KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS? MY FUCKING SWEATER! I LOVE THIS SWEATER! You FUCKING wrecked this SWEATER!"

"WHAT? Lemme see! Is there stains? Did it shrink?"

"NO! It's GONE. The GUY IS GONE!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"SUMMER!!!... the guy."

"JENN.. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

People are looking at me like I'm coming off a bad trip or something. I feel a tear come down my cheek. I gave Amanda the look of death and walked outside. Then I got emo.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that all I've done for the past two days I had off was watch Mandy Moore and Lindsey Lohan flicks. I've watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, A walk to Remember, Freaky Friday, Chasing Liberty, Mean Girls, How to Deal, and American Wedding for good measure. I feel like a 13 year old virgin all over again. So sue me.

skizard

I fucking hate work

Work sucks.

They make me go for half hour coffee breaks every two hours.... I have to sit around the water cooler and gossip.

They make me take an hour lunch (paid) everyday.

They make me wear antlers. The cool reindeer ones. YEAH. HOT.

Sometimes they make me go to the bank.

My boss makes me sleep with him.

Some days, when no one has appointments I get to play on the internet.

The phone on my desk never rings.

The keyboard is awesome. I mean SHITTY.

They make me make coffee. INSTANT FUCKING COFFEE. In a coffee maker.

They make me get up early. Like 7am. Because I have to be there by 8am.
When you don't go to bed until 455am... That sucks.

I have to attend all of the "business meetings".

I have to wear dress pants. The black ones. That make my legs look like sticks.

They pay me too much to do too little.

When it's cold out I get to talk on the phone to my friends. Because no one is coming or going anywhere.
____ I started this post like three days ago and I swore to myself that I would finish it in the morning, but I never woke up until now. And I'm bored with this topic so bleep you.


___________

High school reunion pisses me off to no end.

"high school reunion" is a show on the WB on Tuesday night at 10pm mountain time. I watched it tonight with my roomie who is retarded.

This show is fucking gay. The whole concept is to get a bunch of the cool kids to come back and reunite with there former classmates from 10 years ago.
I'm guessing all of these people are like 16.

The guys are the old jocks, and "shy guys" and nerds.

The girls are whores. Because that's what fat middle aged men that watch the WB want to see.

They have the whole list of losers. Even the token fat girl gone "skinny" and prone to total emotional meltdowns on national TV.

ANYWAY, This show is fucking gay. So what if I've only watched one show, I can make my opinion. Screw you.
The whole hour is like one huge makeout session. SERIOUSLY IT'S NOT AS COOL AS IT SOUNDS.
The guys aren't even hot. The girls will fuck anything with legs.


On this episode, they play truth or dare. The dares are mostly "make out with so and so because if we don't have ___% sex per episode we won't get our paychecks." Hence my 16 years old assumption.
The redneck guy goes crazy and starts ranting about everyone and the preppy chicks are all like "oh. my god. He said what? what a freak! hehehehehe!" God damn sluts.

Whatever, I'm done with this. Don't watch TV. Read my website. AND THE ARCHIVES. All the time. I think I'm pretty entertaining.

--------- I think It's time for another audblog. Well maybe, hang on. My phone is ringing. Ok. It's Jesse. I'm going to the bar tomorrow, I guess. I'll try to remember my phone tomorrow night when I go drinking. I'll record something tomarrow. It might be comedic gold.




If I don't get too drunk and drop my cell in the toilet.

THE CRAZIES

Holy crap I start my new job in an hour and a half. I haven't slept all night.

I have butterflies.

I think I'm going to puke.



I'm seriously having mixed emotions right now.

I wish I didn't quit the bar. I picked the wrong time to do it. It's the fucking holidays. I could have used that extra cash to buy people kick ass shit they don't need and don't want. So they could give it back to me next year.

On the other hand I'm so kcufing excited to start working somewhere that doesn't attract losers. And I only have to dress hot if I want to, because, let's face it... when was the last time you tipped a secretary? It's scary that I'm going to be the newbie though. I hate being new. No one talks to you normal because they think you don't know shit all, and everyone fakes nice until they know you're cool. And I have to fake nice to all these people too, because I have no work friends I can talk to and bitch about other people with. God damn. I hope they feed me lots of cookies. Because I'm too nervous to eat right now. I'm scared instead of "hi!" I'll say "BAAAAAAARRRRRRF you smell!"

I'm also scared because I'm the youngest. Which sucks.


So yeah. I need to share an intimate moment with my blog right now. 1 sec.

Blog, if I fail at this, I'm going to cry for days. I don't want to go back to the bar, I don't want to fucking work at some grocery store, and I don't think I could fit me and my computer into a cardboard box. So if I fail, I'm going to blame you and never talk to you again. fucker. wait I like kcufer better. Cross your fingers for me. K? okay. Thanks man, you know I wuv ya.


OKAY. Long story short, I'm going to go in there, be all smile-e and make everyone love me with my cunning wit and charms.






And if that doesn't work I'm going to run home and lock myself in the bathroom.

I make theaters so hot:

Well today was the coolest and possibly worst day of my life.

I slept in. I got to eat McDonalds. (If you live in buttfuck nowhere, you will get the significance)I went shopping. I went to the movies. I got to drive around a lot and speed. And I got new undies.


I slept in and was late getting to the bank. I didn't get to pay any bills before I went shopping.

I got to eat McDonalds, I ordered a #1 with an orange, and instead got a #3 with a coke.

I went shopping and spent ALL of my money. (I have lots of self control.) I spent 70 bucks on Norton Antivirus 2005. I get it home, uninstall my old Norton firewall, and my old version of Norton antivirus. I put in the disk. 1000 times. My computer would not read that damn disk even if a hacker was going to blow up my RAMROD. I try system restore, and it won't restore my old Norton. So basically, feel free to send me bad links to porn sites and hack my computer for all my ass shots. Because lord knows Norton antivirus 2005 isn't going to stop anyone.
I also have to work at the shitty bar for 3 days just to make enough tips to pay off my cell and net bill. And then go to work my new desk job Monday morning at 9am. I'm probably going to jail soon, because I haven't paid some cash on my restitution this month.

I went to the movies. I have to watch the grudge again because we spent like ten hours at walmart trying on jeans. And breaking/stealing stuff. And playing Nintendo. And because on Thursday, your late night options are limited. We sit down. About ten minutes later the fire alarm goes off. I'm dead serious. So we all walk out of the doors into the lobby, and see the manager freaking out screaming "everybody out! It's in the back!" So, it's minus 20 outside,and there's like a 1000 people standing outside freezing. Kids are crying. Gay guys are making out. Then the fire trucks, ambulance, police, and swat team show up. I light a cigarette at this time because this is more action than I have seen in like 2 years. Then paranoid manager comes out and shouts "everyone that wants free movie passes go to petland" which is like a long fucking walk across the parking lot in the cold ass weather.
And ya know what? I knew I should have bought my digicam today, but I FUCKING FORGOT IT. I know you don't believe me so I'm going to show you the courtesy pass they gave me. No scanner, I suck hardcore.

It reads "Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience. This pass entitles you to one free admission for any regularly scheduled presentation. Valid 7 days a week. To be exchanged for an admission ticket. Subject to amusement taxes where applicable."
Sorry for any inconvenience? Yeah how about "sorry that you had to freeze your ass off and the god dammed building didn't even blow up". Fuck you.

I got to drive around a lot today. On the highway too. As I was passing a semi, he spits up a big rock and nails my windshield on the passenger side. My windshield is brand new, not even a scratch or crack. It splintered the glass. I got glass all over my lap and all over the inside of my truck and all over my friend's lap. If that would have went through it would have nailed her right in the fucking head. And what's worse is I didn't fucking stop the trucker and beat his ass... I mean get his shit so I could claim it on insurance. So yeah I have to pay out of pocket for the fucking thing. It was scary as hell too. I'm doing like 145k easy while I'm passing this fucker, and suddenly BAM! like whoa. The only words out of my mouth were HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK!. I pulled over and collected myself and the glass. I pulled out and thought GOD DAMN I SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT UP TO THAT FUCKER. So I stopped again and kicked my own ass.

CHECK OUT MY SLIPPERS:
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/250/2034/640/slippers.jpg

Me= PURE AWESOMENESS

I spend so much time online that I got a callus on my wrist from moving the mouse around a lot.

CHECK IT OUT!

HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS MAKE ME NERVOUS:

Thank god I'm not a public speaker. Laughs= me trying to break the awkward silence.

I sound totally hot right? RIGHT? RIGHT?



right.
I sure do.

For every action there is an equal baDaSS Jenn reaction:

I downloaded Windows service pack 2 and it fucked up my HP image zone.
So I punched my computer in the face.





A friend hung up on me on the internet.
So I ate her baby.

It was good.

Today I went to my family reunion at the hospital:

My grandpa has been in the hospital since Wednesday, and today my grandma had a seizure and ended up there too.


Plot of events since 530 this morning:
531am: I went to bed.
630am: I fell asleep.
830am: I get a frantic phone call from my mother telling me that I need to get to
the hospital ASAP because my whole family is going to die or something.
831-838am: I stare at the ceiling and ask the following: "Why the fuck does everyone gotta die when I'm sleeping? Can't they fucking wait until I'm awake and lively? Fucking dying always fucking around with my life."
845am: I'm sitting in my truck napping on my steering wheel.I get another phone call and it's my cousin Rodney asking me where I am. I lie and say I'm about a block away from the hospital.
9AM: I start to drive. I blast some tunes to keep me awake. Since I had just said I was really close to the hospital, I pick up speed to about 120k.
915AM: a cop pulls out of the truck stop and sees me zoom by. He proceeds to catch up and flash his lights in my face. I get the whole "did you know you were going 20k over the speedlimit? Are you looking to get into an accident? BLAH BLAH BLAH"
He asks for my license and crap, I give it to him. He sees that I have had 4 speeding tickets in the last 2 months. He decides to write me up. I tell him that I'm in a hurry and need to get to the hospital. He scribbles on the ticket and lets me go.
930AM: I get to the hospital and realize that the cop still has my license and registration sitting in his car.
931AM: I cry. Because now I know I'm going to have to go to the cop shop and pay the ticket to get it back.
1030AM: Well all get together in the lounge room of the hospital. Recap of total injuries: Liver infection (grandpa) bruised tailbone (grandma) and a swollen foot. (me= I thought it would be entertaining if I kicked the bootrack in the main entrance when I was trying to take off my shoes.)


So I get stuck being the new nurse until I go home. Which was at 430pm today.
So fuck you if I'm incoherent and don't make sense. Fuck you cops.
This is what I did with the ticket, in my normal badass fashion.

IM wicked popular on the intranetz:

Today I got an email and I wanted to talk to the dude on MSN. So I went to add him, and this is what I got.

I only have 133 contacts. MSN sucks. But I don't apparently, because I can max out a hotmail account.
Has this happened to anyone else?

Holiday Spice

I am by no means a germaphobe. I don't use 1000 bars of soap a day, I don't throw away cups after they have been used once, I'm not afraid to kiss someone, and I don't bring my own silverware to restaurants.

But I'm so grossed out by other peoples spit. When my friends spit outside I gag. It was a big game one night called "who can hack up the nastiest loogie ever and make Jenn puke." Well just the sound of them doing the whole nasty throat clearing thing made me barf. I swear to god! Ask my friends, we were sitting outside drinking and I turned in my chair and puked all over my deck. And then ran into the bathroom and puked some more. It's like a disease that only I have.

Today my friend was here and I bought a bottle of the new Pepsi "holiday spice" (which is wicked good), had a drink and put it back for later. She saw it it my fridge, opened it, and took a swig, right out of my bottle.

I passed out.



I couldn't drink it now. Not even out of a glass because she could have left some spit in the pop after. And seeing as I'm never gonna drink it, I told her "I don't really like it, you can have it" because there is no way in hell I'm going to tell her that I'm not drinking it after her nasty ass mouth was all over it. I don't understand it. I can share a smoke, or a beer, but not anything like pop, water, or juice. It's weird.

But in my head it's justified. I can share smokes because there we're really only sharing lip epithelials, and the alcholol in beer (probably won't but I tell myself it will) will kill the germs when I share that. (but with beer I still wipe the top off with my sleeve)

I don't really like public places that much either. Door handles, restrooms, and chairs freak me out. BLECH. Buttgermies.
It's all good when I'm drunk though, I don't even think about it when I'm reaching for the door at a bar.

Maybe I'm crazy and need to see a shrink, but it seriously bothers me when people like, share burgers with their friends and stuff. I would be willing to wash dishes if it meant that I could get my own seperate burger.

So if everyone stopped spitting, my life would be 10000000002154 times better.



Hell, everyone should stop living just for me.

MISS ME?

OK, time for an update and a change to the boring ol pink n black.

What have I been doing?
Pissing people off! Wicked cool, I know.

I've gotten into a fist fight with my two closest girlie friends, worked 10 hour shifts, and gotten disowned by my mom and auntie.

On Saturday my friend Amanda got into a fight with her boyfriend, and then my friend Jessie was trying to be the moderator and ended up doing too many shots of R&R during her breaks. She decided that violence is the answer to all of life's' minor problems, she punched Amanda, (my festest briend lor fife!). I had to go in the middle and ended up with some bruised knuckles and a cut on my stomach. REAL GANGSTA FIGHTIN YO'. I got punched, kicked and pissed off because none of this really hurt. When I get into a fight I want a fucking fight to the death brawl, none of this slapass, kiss my cheek, and then claw me with your fake nails fights. Needless to say, I got drunk and went out and punched a good friend (Jessie) in the face for being a pussy.
And then a boy friend of mine decided to fight with Amanda's boyrfriend. I went home and let them kill each other. Anyone wanna go on a double date with two hot chicks?
NONE OF THIS INVOLVED DRINKING AT ALL. NONE! I SWEAR!

Then my aunt and mom moved in together and decided to make it their dying mission to save me from the troubles of alcoholism. (TOO LATE ME'S A DURUNK) They are so pissed off at me for being 20 and drinking in trendy bars and being really cool. Neither of them will talk to me. And it's been like this since Friday. Now, this wouldn't normally bother me, but it does because I can't even go over there and drink a bud at their kitchen table to piss em off. FAMILY SUCKS.
I'M NOT AN ALCOMOHOLIC. I DON'T EVEN DRINK! TALK TO ME DAMMIT.
fuckers.
____________________

I just noticed how much interventions piss me off. If someone wants to change their behavior, they're gonna do it when they're fucking old and boring like you, mom. I mean, whenever that person wants to.
People sitting you down and saying "quit doing so and so because I'm a jealous old bag and I never had half the life you do now when I was your age." I mean, "quit doing so and so because this person is hurting your family" BLAH BLAH BLAH isn't going to do fuck all. It's going to make me want to drink more and raise little alcoholic Jenn's just for you to baby sit and the only think my kid is drinkin is fucking vodka. None of this milk shit. I mean, it's going to make that person want to kill you with a rubber hammer. One of the bigger ones. Slowly.

SERIOUSLY. Would you prefer if I switched to cocaine? I sure as fuck wouldn't. I'm NORMAL. Just because you grew up in buttfuck nowhere doesn't mean I never went to college. (College is government code for drunken state of mind 24/7.) I don't drink that fucking much.









Just before work, after work, on days off, when I'm sleeping, and after a meal, and on weekends and weekdays.

MY DATE WITH THE LAW

So yesterday, I met up with my parole officer. Turns out he's a super nice guy, or he could see my boobs. Either way,I got off a lot easier than I thought I would.

I am ordered to pay 300 dollars by February 1/05.
That's it.
Not close to a grand like I thought it was going to be. Not 450 dollars like I thought it was going to be. And not before December 17 like I thought it was going to be. I told him I like to drink on weekends and needed spending money, so he gave me some extra time to pay the restitution.
He even got on the phone and talked to PCM how much they are willing to accept from my bank account.
WHAT A NICE GUY!

So yeah, I got a slap on the wrist, a date with a wicked cool guy, and his phone number and mailing address. (so what if it's for business contact only)

I should commit crimes more often!

DON'T FUCK THIS UP:

It's decision time America, and all I can say is don't fucking screw these ballots up.

I don't want to wait three days to find out the "winner" of the election because the people in California can't figure out a punch ballot.

I don't want to hear that ballots are going to be considered "void" because they are fucking double punched.

I don't want to hear that George W. Bush is the winner of the election by a tiny margin, when half of the ballots were not even counted.

Hell, I don't want to hear that anyone voted for Bush anyway, unless you're a porn star. Then I would vote for bush too.

I know that being political is not my strong point so here goes anyway.

THINK ABOUT WHAT THE "PRESIDENT" HAS DONE IN THE PAST FOUR YEARS.

What Bush has going for him:

he has increased the deficit to a point of no return
he has lost more jobs for America that any president in like 65 years
he started a badly planned war
he's got hot daughters
his wife crashed her car into her old boyfriends in highschool and killed him(hopefully next:GW)

What Kerry has going for him:

he's never been found choking on a pretzel
he hasn't fucked up any countries yet
he hasn't spoke out against abortion, only for people to dig up reports that his old flame had one when he was younger
married Teresa Ketchup Kerry, possibly the coolest wannabe first lady ever

What this election lacks is a GOOD canidate.
VOTE OTHER THIS YEAR. MY NEW NAME IS OTHER.
-----------------------------------

IN OTHER'S NEWS:

I got a call today, I have to go see my parole officer tomorrow, regarding this(scroll down to the 11th because I can't fiqure out how to directly link to the article) if you're a newcomer. I am officially on parole, and a wicked badass.
I gotta go pull out my Harley jacket and be hot and bad.


GRRR. *MENACING AND SCARY* Notice my snarl.

I failed. At being badass.

Come to think about it, I failed at being hot too.

This makes me laugh

My restaurant was just bought out by Koreans. They have put signs up EVERYWHERE. And most of them don't make sense. Like " autorized personel now" instead of authorized personnel only, and "keep door locked at all times" ON THE MAIN ENTRANCE.

This one makes me laugh the most though. It's on the delivery door in the back.

BAHAHAHA. NO!! PARKING. As if there should be more emphasis on the no, rather than the parking.

FUCK THE RIAA.

The whole argument that file sharing is making the record industry lose money is bullshit. I download songs all the time. I have like a gazillion MP3's. And guess what? I HAVE CDS TOO!

And not ones that came out before CDRS were invented either.

Two good reasons I buy CDS are:

1. Because I downloaded a song and fell in love.
2. My burner isn't working.

For the sake of argument we're going to say that today my burner was working and I just love spending 35 bucks on 2 cds.

And I almost bought the new simple plan CD because this guy is hotter than hell:

But then I remembered that I'm not gay. And I have the internet, I could just download some Pierre Bouvier porn.

MY BIG CITY NIGHT:

I went to GP today. (the closest big city)
First we decided to go to some bars... On a Tuesday. Needless to say, it sucked.

So myself, my friend Amanda, and Eric went to Kelsey's (bar/lounge) and had a couple drinks. (when I say a couple I really mean 2000)

here' a picture that Eric took when we were sitting at the table, just a little drunk.

apparently he was a little drunk too because the picture sucks ass.

As I go to pay the bill, the waitress says "You're not driving are you?" and I slur out "nooononono. Her's drivin." And she gave me the most evil look ever.

apparently you're not supposed to get shitfaced in a lounge that has kids 12 and under running around.

Then we decide to go the casino. We WALK there, in the cold.(see I listen to random waitresses) * it was -7c *

apparently you're not supposed to walk all over the road at midnight outside a casino.

So I go in, and look around.(and drink some more) I put a five dollar bill into the nickel machine and WON 50 DOLLARS!

apparently a bucket of nickels weighs a hell of a lot when you're drunk.

I trip over a stool in front of a bunch of people and spill my nickels all over, and then sit there for what seemed like forever picking them up ONE BY ONE.

apparently I'm not really smart when I'm drunk.

I then go find my friends and go get my cash and go out to the truck. Where me and Amanda start honking at a hot guard. He comes over and informs us that he's 23, single and really cheezy.

apparently looks aren't everything.

This was all before 7pm tonight.

After we had a burger at A&W, we decided to go see the movie "The Grudge". We get inside and try to find a seat in a packed room. We decide to sit in the middle of the theater to get the most out of "it". As I am following my friends to find a seat I trip and fall on some teenager's lap. I look him RIGHT IN THE EYE and say something like "me noooo durunk I sweeer" And he goes "that's ok, your sweet ass is gonna be in my face in a second". I wanted to slap him, but I feared the mountains growing on his cheeks would cut my hands.

apparently kids nowadays are all about ass.

So we go back to the truck and back to the casino. Where I proceed to play poker and loose a whole bunch of money. I had my trusty DIGICAM with me and decided to take some pictures.
here's one:


apparently taking pictures in a casino is a jailable offence.

A guard told me this and was trying to make me delete the picture. I said "noo wayyy main! I need this fuh mah blog." and he kicked me out.

So now that I am banned from the casino, I sit in the truck some more and blast some tunes. Hot guard comes back and tells me to turn it down because "I'm causing a disturbance". I say " gooooo to hell " and he then tells me to leave.

apparently backtalking the guards at a casino is frowned upon.

I tell him to " get mah fucking friends out herrr right now " and he does so.

He's whipped.

We then go to Save on Foods. (a grocery store) and look/screw around with all the Halloween costumes. It was pretty fun. I wish I would have taken pictures, but at the time I didn't know if taking pictures in a grocery store was illegal. Then I do something completely non-disturbance like, I go read some magazines. Some old bitch walks by and tells me that I have to buy it and then read it. When she saw that Eric had a playboy in his hand, she told us to hurry up and get out.

apparently a grocery store is not a library. Who would have thought?

I buy Spin and MAD and go to leave.

Around this time the 6 shots of vodka I had start to catch up with me. And I PUKE ON THE DOOR. I swear to god, I was like projectile vomiting, all over the door. I pity the fool that has to do the janitor work tonight.

apparently vodka and beer don't mix very well.

So we go to check out some pubs. The one we choose to hit was the Lions Den Pub. Which was full of jocks and preppies and bitches and da' hoes. We didn't fit in, being the rednecks that we are. So we leave. FORGETTING TO PAY THE BILL.

apparently the bouncers at Lions Den are really cool, because they were all sweet to us. (as sweet as can be expected from muscle guys, anyway)

So seeing as it's now 130am, we decide to go home.

I get Amanda to drive and she HITS SOMETHING! IN MY NEW TRUCK.
Lucky it was a small dog or something because I would have laid her down and ran her over repeatedly if there was any damage.

I get home at 330am and start this post.
What sucks is I keep looking behind me because The Grudge scared the shit out of me and I'm hungover at 430. And I have to work at 9 this morning too.

start> YAY! /sarcasm

Jenn,
I surf the internet using an anonymous proxy server program. Today I used a proxy I never used before to access your page and look what I got.

Congratulations, you've been blocked. What sucks is my page wasn't blocked through the same filter. Who the fuck do they think they are ? I'm every bit as bad as you dammit. Fuckers.

Bing


Here's a screenshot:



First my site was picked apart on some website.

Now it's blocked.

I'm honored.
I've made it big time. Be proud. Be proud.

And it pissed Bing off, so that's 5000 extra credits.

So here's what I think about the whole deal:




"cause when you're a celebrity, it's adios reality. la la la la la la la la"

I'm hot

Here are ten reasons why you should think I'm hot too.

10. I look the same with and without makeup.

9. I never wake up with drool all over me.

8. My eyes are killer.

7. I have good teeth.

6. I can cook.

5. I'm not a fatass.

4. I clean a mean house.

3. Sometimes when I'm really sick I wake up with snot all over the place.

2. When I drink hardbar I've been known to pass out in someone else's bed and puke on myself/the blanket.

1. When I laugh really hard/loud I choke and then burp.

I'm like sooo sexy.

Why do I ignore you?

I hate it when people IM you and you have 90 other conversations going on and they expect themselves to be priority #1.
And then they get all mad and call you a bitch and shit because you don't say hi within 25 seconds.


I don't have time to talk to all of my adoring fans at once. Jesus christ.

Sometimes I go through spells where no one talks to me for weeks because the last word I say to them is fuck. And then, there are other times when it's like I'm the most popular girl on the internet. Today was one of those times.

I seriously was trying to hold up my end of 17 conversations at once, and out of that about 7 of them were pretty interesting/important. I had a seizure because of all the pretty flashing lights at the bottom of my screen.

I get an IM that went as follows:
Idiot: hi jennifer

(2 seconds later)
Idiot: HELLO?
Idiot: Where are you?
Idiot: Are you there!!!!!???
Idiot: If you don't wanna talk to me just say so
Idiot: You should put up an away message

As long as it took to type all that out was as long as I got to say hi.

Me: hi
Idiot: Where were you? I was trying to talk to you.
ME: first message received at 06:38pm
Me: it's 640 now you fucktard.
Me: i gotta go.
(block you)

Some people piss me off to no end.

but this makes me happy:


yes, I'm a stupid bitch that doesn't like to reply to people when they say hi and spends 5 bucks on a bag of jelly bellys.
But they're SOOOOOO GOOD.

Microsoft kicked me in the face... again.

Remember how I said that my Haloscan comments are fuckered? Well just today I got to thinkin about why.

About two weeks ago I downloaded Microsoft's "VM 999431.01" and I enabled that to be my main Javascript reader or whatever you call it.


TURNS OUT MICROSOFT VM DOESN'T LIKE TO READ ALL JAVASCRIPT.
And thus, making me think I had some demon virus or something that was stopping me from having a good website. When really I was (and still am) the only thing stopping me from having a good website. I ROXORS.


So, I will be switching back to ye ol' faithful anytime now.





anytime now.....

....

...






OK DONE.
Comment on how stupid I am, without having to log into anything.

Mosaics:

I was browsing the net today and I found a really cool program. Well, I think it's cool. It lets you get all artsy-fartsy with just the push of a button.


In laymans terms, it lets you make mosaics with 99% less work than in grade 2.

Here is an end result of one of my pictures.


I works by taking your pictures already stored on your computer, and then imposing them on an image of your choice. You may think you need a shitload of images already, but I got a good result with just 40 picutes in my folder. And if all else fails you can use the find pictures link to get the program to search the net for some.. without YOU doing anything. (Wicked cool I know.)

Anyways, to download the FREE software, click here.

__________
On, a sidenote. I was protesting. Not that ANYONE NOTICED. I wasn't going to update until I got a comment on something. (I'm a loser)
So you all owe Jordan sex.
GOGOGOGOGOGO.

I'll try to post something cynical and bitter later tonight... Because even I miss my old self.

I'm old:

Well kinda. I can no longer blame my stupidness/car accidents/drunkenness on teenage idiocy disorder.
Because I'm an older adult now.
suriusly.

"the big 2-0" God damn.

I just got distracted from posting for like 20 minutes... Where was I?

oh yeah. The Big 20. It's not old enough to get social security, but too old to get child benefits. What a shitty age.

Anyways. A phenomenon that has plagued my existence in Canada is snow.
It always snows on October 16th. ALWAYS. And tis always fucking cold on my birthday, which means no bonfires in the bush with lots of beer and sex, and no driving insanely all over the smooth roads with summer tires on. It snows just enough to make it shitty. Never enough for me to be able to do anything cool like snowboard or jump off my roof into the drifts. I HATE CANADA. I MISS CALIFORNIA.


SEEE!!!111!!!


oh and I don't know if you can see the NEW F-250 TRUCK I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY in the driveway.

I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not a big fan of Fords but hey, I didn't pay for it.
You people need to start commenting again... my post haven't been that shitty have they?
wait I get it... they're so good you're speechless.
well thankya.

MY BIRTHDAY:

I was going to post this last night after I got home, but I was waaaaayyy to drunk to do anything that required thought.

I'll give you a recap of what I remember I did.

9pm: I went to the bank and took out sufficient funds for the night.
Is also the time I was supposed to go get my friend Jessie.

930pm: Finally done getting ready. One of my co-workers came over and gave me a gift.

10pm I get over to Jessies house and show her the gift. She takes the following picture:

(that's the gift I got from the person at work. And that's a picture of the teddy trying to make out with me.)
Imagine waking up and finding that on you digicam. I'm hot.

11pm: We go buy beer. We then drink some beer.

12am: I am at Wacy's house in Spirt River doing shots of vodka.

4am: I get home and start puking.

12pm today: I wake up and puke some more.
Birthday mission to get Jennifer pissed: STATUS=ACCOMPLISHED
Casualty count: 1 FLAT BUDWEISER, 1 SIX PACK BUDWEISER, 1 TWELVE PACK LUCKY, 1 60'pounder of Smirnoff Vodka.

Good job, me.

NEW SB EMAIL:

I think I have a new favorite!


I really got, I really got pee. I really got, I really gotta pee pee.

THE INTERVIEW OF THE CENTURY:

My name is Ian. I am best friends with someone that you know very well. So, out of courtesy I have decided to interview her. She has this website and it's pretty good compared to all of the other useless shit out there right now. And is also worthy of super-stardom.
Her name's Jenn.

ME: First off: What are you wearing?
Jenn: ha. loser. I'm wearing your mom.
Actually, white shirt, pink pj pants. Me = sexor.

ME: So Jenn, What do you do in your spare time? You know, when you're not bitching on your website and stuff..
Jenn: I drink Budweisers and smoke lots of Export blues.
And. I don't bitch persay... I just talk with angst.

ME: Ok then, What do you do for work?
Jenn: I work at making people become very angry and sometimes I work at putting my fist in 'da bitches face. wurd up yo'.

ME: HAHA! In all seriousness, why do you keep up this site.
Jenn: I do it for my loyal fanbase of 1. And because I'm an attention whore. "In all seriousness" I do it because it's a great way to meet hot guys distract me from watching CSI reruns 24/7. I am a loser. If I didn't do this I would probably become the stalker of this guy:

hot 
"the DNA guy" oh so HOT.
Really, I do it because I find it somewhat enjoyable. I'm addicted MMMKAY?

ME: alright. Do you get lots of emails about this site?
Jenn: I used to. Mostly stuff like "UR SITE Is OffENCIVE. LOLZ. CAN yOOU SHow me UR BooBS!111! But now it's old and no one cares. Including me.

Me: You went on hiatus for about 4 months... what was that about? Were you really internet-less?
Jenn: Well, yes and no. I had lots of opportunity to go online and post, but I didn't want to. Truth is, when I moved to Canada, I went through a lot of hardcore shit... I had just dropped out of school, was alone, I didn't know anyone other than my mom, and I was just really emo-eseque. I didn't care to write about it because this isn't going to turn into my pissing and moaning site. Not until I hit menopause, anyway.

ME: So the real reason you dropped out of college was?
Jenn: I dropped out because I was flunking out... I got to the point where I didn't care whether I graduated or not, I was just partying all the time. If you talked to me online before I moved you'll know I'm not kidding. Read the archives, I partied everyday. I know this sounds gay but I wasn't in school for me. One of my teachers said "shape up or ship out" and shaping up was WAY to hard.

ME: So you're back to your internet junkie self right? What sites do you like?
Jenn: Yes. Some sites I like are in my link list, dipshit.
I like MBS fourms, tha g-mask, chokey chicken, and britneyspears.com. And my own of course, because it's all about me, and I rule.

ME: You work in a restaurant. What's the worst pickup line you have ever heard?
Jenn: " me: ready to order? guy: Can I take YOUR order? " This doesn't even make sense. What a fucking loser idiot freak. I've beaten people up for less.

ME: Your birthday's coming up. What are you going to do?
Jenn: Well, friday I'm going to a party thrown by a friend Kayla in my honor. I've got a 24 of Bud with my name on it. Even though the actual day I turn 20 is the 17th, I'm gonna have my party on the weekend because I have to WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY. FUCKING BOSSES SUCK.

ME: No further questions your honor. Anything you feel like saying to end this?
Jenn: yeah. Fuck off and die. Just kidding. You know I love you Eeeeeon. HAHHA. Remember that in high school you loser? OMG FLASHBACKS!
ME: shutup. I remember you guys shouting that when I had to stand up infront of the little kids and explain the scholarship I got to them.
Jenn: well thats what you get for being an overachiver-asshole.
Jenn: it's ok. we're all friends here, and no one knows/likes you anyway.
Jenn: memememememememememme.

Update: I have no creative skills at all

I fixed this shithole. With a blogger template because I'm lazy and too sick to fiqure out why my old coding was fucking almost everything about the site up. (ie: comments)I did a little hacking to it to make it look better, nothing major because like I said, me = lazy and stupid.
anyways, you can now comment away. please do.
as for me, I'm alive and still in pain, but with your money support I can go get drunk.

Good update later to come.
I've got the interview of the century all lined up.

yeah i know this page is fucked right up
ill fix it later, im so fucking sick right now its not even funny.
and sitting hurts like hell because i cracked a goddammed rib.
i look so hot. my right side of my back is swollen right up and i cant fucking walk without a severe hunch.

anyways youre just going to have to live with this the way it is until i feel like doing shit about it.
unless i decide to jump infront of a bus to end the pain.

Ten ways to reject someone:

10. If a semi-ugly guy asks for your phone number and you just know you could never fuck him, say something like " I already have a boyfriend."

9. Just say " I don't have a phone number. Give me yours, I'll call you"

8. Tell him that you're really busy and you don't have time for a guy right now.

7. Walk. Away. Fast.

6. Laugh really cute and make him want you more.

5. Say you've already got a fuckbuddy.

4. Tell him you're 12 years old. (my favorite, you seriously have to watch the jaw drop, and then they get it and add in a half-assed laugh to make themselves look "cool")

3. Say NO really loud and act pissed off.

2. Tell them if they can find you, then they can keep you, and run to your friend's house.

1. Embarrass him infront of the whole restaurant, and say no really loud and then laugh at him.

Ususally when someone asks for my number I just laugh it off and walk away with a trying-to-be-nice "sorry man. You're not my type" or something.

And in my line of work, you get used to guys drooling over you. Hell, even the waiters get used to guys drooling over them. When you're a waitress you put up with a lot of "subtle" sexual harassment. So when you walk to a table and ask "can I get you guys anything else" and one of them pipes up " yeah, your phone number please" You would think that you would be able to just roll with it and say "nope. mes ams retarded."

USUALLY that's how it goes.

But not today, oh no. I don't know what the hell got into me, or why I decided to snap and make an ass out of another human being infront of a shitload of people.
(probably because he was not hot.) I know, me shallow. Maybe it was the MISSING TEETH, or the fact that SOMEONE AT THAT TABLE SMELLED HORRIBLE.

Conversation went as follows:

me: can I get you guys anything else?
fugly: yeah, your phone number please.
me: LOUDLY SHOUTS: are you crazy? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. LOSER.
fugly: whoa, hahaha (people are staring at him now) Starts the routine "cool" save.
fugly: what about an address? (courtesy laugh) last name? (more courtesy laughs) ass grab?
me: (everyone is listening) Dude. No thanks. You stink.
me: I SMACK HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE FUCKING MENUS IN MY HAND.

This is when he decides to go to the bathroom. People around me are laughing and staring. I burst into laughter and proceed to tell the rest of my co-workers.
I swear to god I laughed for like half an hour.

Needless to say, I don't think he'll be back anytime soon.

I am awesome. Bow down.

True story.
Don't you all love me even MORE now?

ok. I fixed my email link. ( i swear i did it on purpose) and decided to go with blogger comments. bad news: all old comments DELETED.

Taking a cat top the vet

ignore me im drubnk

taking a cat to the vet sucks
'today i had to take a friends cat tothe vet in fartiview and it sucksed
I got there and it turns out the cat is dying and its got kindny problems... but then domet we all?

I went drinmking at wacys party tonight I saw a bunch of sluts . it qwias cool though because i played dj and i was rockiong the house
t yoing is really hard.


i got cat hair all over my shit at the vet and he kept staring at my booies
it was crreeepy cuz he was okld.

i drank like 11 beers and did body shots with somje hot guy... i know skank.
anyways i thought id better update with soemthing cux moones heard from me in days
i gotta go watch carrie.

( total time for update= 00.35 seconds. may am i quoick on the draW

later

HP SUCKS

Is there one place you can go and NOT be bombarded by ads?
NO.
I just bought this.


Every time I sign on, I get the cool "HP updates" pop-up. Full of useless shit like "buy a new HP computer now: Click here, or get MSN 8, or legally download songs from MSN music". BLAH BLAH BLAH. Pop-up blockers don't even block it. And you can't uninstall it.

FUCK YOU.
I like stealing copywrite material, I like my IE browser the way it is, and I'm sure as hell never buying another HP.

And who the hell uses the MSN link on Windows Media Player. "buy CD from MSN music"
WHY WOULD I BUY A CD I ALREADY HAVE? Seriously, I put in my Yellowcard CD and get prompted to buy the CD again? They really should fix that.

I mean, I'm in love with messenger, and the computer does run like a fucking racehorse, but god damn. Get rid of it. NOW.

MY FOOTY!

Today I cut my foot open. Yes it hurts.

Ya know that feeling you get when you just wake up, the one where you just feel at bliss with yourself and everything around you?

Imagine having it ruined by something stabbing your fucking foot and pulling the skin back and then seeing the rush of red all over the nice new carpet.

Thats what I woke up to today.

I was walking through my hallway into the kitchen, when out of nowhere this goddamned heat vent jumped up and grabbed my foot.


A loud "ahhhh FUCK! escaped from somewhere, I think it was from my mouth. THEN. If that wasn't bad enough, this red stuff started spurting out of my foot.

"OH joy! We're off to a good start, Jenn." Then I beat myself up for saying something so stupid and proceeded to the bathroom where I saw the following. (image slightly altered because I wasn't thinking about grabbing a camera)


(add dramatic sighs for my amazing artistic ability)

That progressed into my roomie insisting I needed a stitch. It is pretty deep so maybe she was right. NO. I'm always right. If anyone is sewing anything up, it's gonna be me. Pass the needle and thread MMMKAY?

But now I'm off to work. Isn't this attractive?

MY 101st POST!

Some people choose to commemorate important things. I never do stupid shit like that.
Read the archives. For the hell of it.

LOVE ME.


Don't you hate family "talks"?

Oh god. My family thinks I'm the bastard son of the devil. And they tell me every day. I get the "So Jennifer, when are you going back to school?" question way too much. I am ready to go physco and kill. Everyone.

I'M NOT GOIN UNLESS YOU PLAN ON DOING THE FUCKING WORK FOR ME.

I'm actually kidding. I got so sick of getting the same thing shoved up my ass that I have decided to go back to skoooll agang. I know that everyone says that you have to do stuff like that for yourself. They're idiot liars.
You do stuff to please other people. EVERYONE DOES.
Whether it be dress a certain way, or be religious, or go to school when you're a huge slacker. (just look at this site people)
So I'm going to make daddy proud.
Not that way.

101 101 101 101 101 101 101

I hate this town.

See that pile of shit in this picture? No, not the van.
It's railnet's new sand pit. This is also the view from my window. Now, I live in a pretty damn nice house that I own and pay taxes on.
What if I want to move? What if I want to sell this place... Don't tell me that shitload of sand isn't going to effect the price people are willing to pay for it.
You know what they say... LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.

Well I'd like to suggest a new location for that heap... I think you all know where that might be.

So if you happen to live in my shitty town, sign the petition to get rid of this fat mess. (not the secretary)

Until this shit is gone I refuse to pay taxes.
And I challenge em to try to take my property away. Everyone knows my father.

Kiss my ass:

Doctors suck real bad.
In case you haven't been paying attention, I am sick. I have been sick for about 2 weeks now. I finally broke down and went to see a doctor last week, which I really don't do unless my anus has exploded or I vomited up my last kidney.
So I went and the doctor gave me some anti-biotics and made me get a blood test. ( I think it was to make sure I could still feel pain.) I FUCKING HATE NEEDLES. They are sick and gross and sick and fucking gross. "NO, I'm sorry nurse, I can't follow you because I don't want your god damned needle shoved in my fucking arm, and NO, I don't want you to take the mere thing that keeps me alive and warm."

So I took the damn mold pills and my cold went away. Yes, it did. "So Jenn, why are you still bitching?"becauseimfemale

I'm bitching because I still have some sort of malaria cough that won't go away. It's a painless but annoying thing that fell in love with my chest and doesn't want to go away. You can tell it's a male strain of malaria cough.

Words of the doctor: "Take these pills, and if you're not 100% better in a week, come back and I'll see what's wrong."
Being the sweetheart that I am, I did just that.

I sat in the fucking waiting room for an hour, and I sat in his office for another 20 minutes before he even talked to me.
Which is all he did.

My visit lasted 0.000078 seconds. I told him my cough wasn't going away and I wasn't feeling "100% better" and that people at work are bitching about me coughing on their fucking greaseballs. He said, "You're better right? Come back in on the 20th and if you are still coughing I'll see what I can do."
Towards the end of our brief talk I asked him what the results of my blood test were (and what the hell they were supposed to do) and I got, "Nothing. It's nothing. Have a good day!"

I grumbled a "fucking motherfucker fuck you, you fucker. good fucking day." and left.
So, by process of elimination... I'm dying, and contagious. In fact just by reading this I've probably infected you.

"Have a good day!"

I fucking hate work

I hate work so much. Yeah, I know you're thinking "who doesn't?". WEll.
1. My dad, the lawyer.
2. Doctors
3. Chickens.

When you work a shitty job it is IMPOSSIBLE to be happy. Seriously. Working in a restaurant is a life full of dumb jokes repeated over and over by old customers about having their steak "cooked", and fake smiles. (all smiles from your hostess are FAKE. Unless you're hot. And if you want us to laugh, say something original... Like the one I heard today.) Today I heard the best line ever. This pretty good looking guy was paying his bill, and I was standing there waiting for his Visa card printout, and on the pin pad it said wait for message. So he says "wait for massage... is that like my complementary dessert from you?" I thought it was sweet.

Anyways, I hate work.
Today was Sunday, and it was fucking busy as shit. I was working with the old hag waitress, she pisses me off to no end.
1. she takes all the tables that tip well
2. she takes all the hot young guys
3. she is dating the head chef so she gets special privileges
4. shes a bitch
5. i'm a bitch
6. she thinks she's hotter than me
7. i have a big ego
tomorrow I have to work at 12pm which is like fucking insanely early for me. AND. I have a banquet of 50 people and the lounge is still gonna be open to walk-ins.
I hate life. But I should make lots of money. ;)
It's bud time.later.

Shit Fuck Shit

Today I went to court and they sent me out within five fucking seconds.
I have to go back on the 17th of December.
I hate you all.

BUT. I got my court package. (The file with all the evidence used against me.)
AND. I got to read it.





fucking bullshit.

exibit A:
my charge: theft under 5000, and possession of stolen property.

To quote the statement of a certain cop, "Jennifer Maxwell was with a Jessica La______ when the theft occurred. She was never in possession of the object and was only there to offer help."
So I was an accomplice to the crime? Right? Right.

exibit A1:
according to the contract the family made with the memorial company, the object weighted 901 lbs.
(which is 755lbs more than the two of us weigh TOGHETHER.)
To top it off, the place is 7 blocks from Jessie's house, her statement says that is where we carried it to. BY OURSELVES.

real believable jess;)


what really pisses me off is that they are seeking restitution. Okay, well that's fine and dandy but according to the laws I studied, "restitution is not to exceed the damage caused by the act". From the paper I read, the object was worth $903.30.
The cops are seeking $900.00 restitution, FROM BOTH OF US.

SO where is the other $896.70 going, Mr. Ossifer?

HI EVERYBODY!

ok. Lots to say. Not enough energy to type it out.

First off:
Where's my internet? There's no more Ojobojo, no more circleofaddiction fourms, and no more __________(some site I liked but forgot about)!111! ANDDDD! To top it all off, all the email I got from before is lost, and no, I NEVER GOT TO READ IT! Now if you want to be really nice and email me right fucking away, please do at this address right here.
hurry! i need to know you still love me.

Does anyone know where I can download kazaa-lite? Just for the hell of it, not to illegally burn copyrighted songs. I SWEAR!


Ya know what pisses me off? Being sick and not being able to smoke.
and those goddammed chocolate things, the ones that look like chocolate covered pringles. Who the hell wants to eat chocolate chips? errr, chocolate POTATO-LIKE chips?

I gotta go watch homestar.
later

What I have been doing:

As a few of you may have noticed, I dropped off the face of the internet about a week and a half ago. I have heard a lot of rumors about what happened to me, and I am here to clear up some of the misconceptions.

1. I am not dead. I really am updating right now. I swear. This is not a ghost.

2. I didn't fall to my death while chasing chicken wings at the local bar.

3. I did not kill my neighbor and end up in jail for 9000 years.

So now that you all know that I am still alive, I'm sure you can finally get a good sleep at night.

_______________

ON TOPIC: "what I have been doing"

Watching T.V.:
I think I have fallen in love with law and order special victims unit. And CSI Miami. I also have bad news.... I have found a new respect for the WHOA-MAN awesomeness that is Oprah.

Sleeping:
Well duh. Now that I have nothing to do until 4 am online, I ACTUALLY SLEEP!
Be proud. Be proud.

Being sick:
Internet withdrawals caused me to go out and socialize.
This caused horrible man experiences, awful female conversations, and a terrible common cold. The life outside of this room sucks dick for busfare and walks home.

I have to go watch CSI.

Three things that are wrong in the world:

1. money
2. money
3. money

I hate life.

Top ten reasons you probably piss me off.
So this is my first post and I'm supposed to be all witty and shit, but I can't think of a fucking thing. Actually that's not true. I wrote a really long entry about how much women piss me off and how bitter I am but that didn't seem appropriate on a females blog. So, fuck it. Here's a top ten list.
10) You are driving and yapping on your cell phone.
Shut the fuck up and drive.
9) You are listening to a type of music that irritates me.
What makes your ignorant ass think I want
to listen to your shitty music.
8) You interrupt me when I'm talking.
What I have to say is -n- times more important.
Shut up and listen.
7) You are a telemarketer.
Bottom feeding shit breather.
6) You are butt ugly and fat and you've got hot chicks all over you.
I'm speechless.
5) You are a "close talker".
Back the fuck away from me, homo. I don't need
to smell your breath to understand the bullshit
that is comming out of your mouth.
4) I just don't like you.
Go away.
3) You're happy.
There is absolutely nothing to be happy about
life sucks and you are going to die. Your mother
didn't love you either, she was lying.
2)You're breathing my air.
Stop breathing.
1) You've got all the brains of a box of hair.
Kill yourself.


Bite me,
Almighty Ruler

DMX wants to be a pastor:
The way I see it, if a rapper that swears more than (someone that swears a lot) can be a pastor, so can I.

I am starting my own church. For realz yo'.

Anyone that wants to do all the work for me is welcome to email me the bible... I have no freakin idea what the hell im talking about.

------
in other news:
My computer is busted... so yeah, even less frequent updates...

Happy fucking April fools day!

Ten reasons I wish I graduated:

10. So I can say I did.
9. So I can say I did
8. So I can say I did
7. So I can say I did
6. So I can say I did
5. So I can say I did
4. So I can say I did
3. So I can say I did
2. So I can say I did
1. So I can say I did

Do you have any idea how pathetic it is to say "I uhhh, dropped out of college."?

FOR ME?

I'm not trying to rag on all you guys/girls that quit because you wanted to. I quit because I wanted to, and because I'm an idiot. So yeah, Fuck you all. I'm going back. Kinda. Internet school rox.
I do not.

-----
My god I really suck. I'm so horrible. Horrible with a capital B, I, T, C, and H. Someone cheer me up.
AIM me: Jennifer965846
MSN me: imbetterthanyouare787@hotmail.com
I'm cool I promise.

This made my day:

You have achieved the Golden Mean! You are
58%


pickup-able! You're like Jen. Do you know my friend Jen? You're just like her—she's like this cool girl who's attractive and funny. I should call Jen. Or maybe you're like my friend Steve. Regardless, you like to flirt, but not with ugly people. And when you lock eyes with the right person, you know how to turn the sparks into a towering inferno. But sometimes you won't give people the time of day, which is mean when they really just need to know what time it is. In general, make sure you smell good.



FUN FACT...



people more pickup-able than you (3%)
people just as pickup-able as you (0%)
people less pickup-able than you (95%)

Based on the 1,917,476 submissions before you.


Click here to see if you're like Jen.

Man, they make tests to gratify my coolness now. I'm wicked.

I bet you thought that was it:

I'm betting you thought that the last entry was the last you would hear from me for another week. Hellz no. Even though you expect nothing from me, and really could give a shit if I update or not. WAIT. One of you does.

So here goes.

"Jennifer 8" sucks:

I just watched the shittiest movie ever. With MY NAME AS THE FREAKIN TITLE.

First off, with a name like "Jennifer 8" you would think I would be in it. Eating something. Or it'd be hot porn, with someone else named Jenn in it. But it is not. Woe is me.

And Jennifer 8 is not in a long line of sequels, it's the first movie. Way to be deceiving you movie producer people. Real cool.

The movie is all about some cop dude and some blind chick that is being hunted by some serial killer that has a thing for blind chicks. 20 minutes into this shit-flick I wished I was blind. Blind blind blind. Some some some. Dude chick dude.

Seriously though, I won't tell you the whole plot because the movie was long and I'm a lazy typer... but I was going to turn it off and watch MTV. MTV Canada. That's how bad the movie was.
So go watch it, it's awesome, because with a name like Jennifer in the title, you know its going to be wicked.
--------------------

In my news:

I stepped on a nail and it went through my shoe and into my foot. It uhhh... kinda hurts right now. I'm limping around like a gimp. And I go back to work tomorrow. Great. Fun. So if you come to the restaurant tomorrow and see some kid dragging her left leg around, well that's me.

Hot guys are hot.

Buying work clothes at the mall is not nearly as easy as I thought. I ended up with jeans, underwear, preppy sweaters, shoes, CD's, and one pair of black pants for work.

Sleeping is a waste of time. And space. I think I should knock down a wall in my living room to make my bedroom huge. Or I should sell my bed and sleep standing up.

Reasons you are obviously a robot:

1. Because.

2. I say you are.

3. Tie.

4. New sweaters make Jenn look like a preppy.

5. What was the point again?


go have fun with this for a while

Date: Wed, 24 Mar 2004 20:18:59 -0600
From: Bing
To: jenn
Subject: Holy shit
2 unnamed text/html 2.26 KB

Ok, right up front, I'll admit it. I'm drunk. So if the rest of this e-mail sounds stupid and incoherent, please forgive me.( at least I'm not driving). I just tried to pull up your web page and it wouldn't come up the first couple of tries and I thought it was gone forever. I know, to you it must sound silly, but, I felt for a moment like a friend of mine just died. I thought I would never hear from you again and I felt an awful pain. It is not often I find a kindred spirit ( cynical, bitter, intelligent, as opposed to fat, dumb and happy ). You are the coolest chick I have ever "met" . I know that must sound creepy coming from a 37 year old but I'm not hitting on you any way and like minds transcend age ( that sounds asinine yeah I know ). Anyway I just wanted to let you know that your page makes a difference in a few peoples small insignificant lives and to keep it up. It doesn't matter if you don't have anything to say. We don't care. Just say anything. I once read about writers block and the best advice I ever got was that you write for quantity and not for quality. If you can't think of anything to write just write shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit blah blahb lahbl blhab blah. Not literally of course, just write anything that comes to mind. The key is to write, write, write, then when you're done, edit for content. You may find that you've written 15 pages of pure shit, but if you can pull out one page of brilliance (sp? ) then you've beaten writers block forever. Good luck Jenn. I know you will make an excellent writer one day.

Bing

You guys, hold me.

I got that sweetass email from Bing today. I'm blown away. See, if I got more emails like that I would never stop updating. Just when I was beginning to think that no one cared whether or not I ever posted something here again, I got this.

Thank you, Bingus for reaffirming my position on the internet and giving me incentive to get back to work. When you get an email like that, you know you've made it.
No matter how many people see this. No matter how many hits this page gets.

I'm happy right where I am.

I died. I'm sorry.


Reincarnation on Friday or Saturday though...

What MSN convos with Tracy are like:
it's actually worse in real life...

Baby Gurl: im poopy
Baby Gurl: today
Tokie: haha
Tokie: poopy
Baby Gurl: i know sucks
Tokie: yeah
Baby Gurl: hello
Baby Gurl: wut u doin
Tokie: hi
Tokie: cant you see me typing?
Tokie: hello?
Tokie: im standing on one hand with my left toe pointed 90
degrees to the right

Baby Gurl: HI LOW!
Baby Gurl:
lololololollllllllllloooooooooooooooolllllllllllllllllll
looooooooooooooolllllllllll
Tokie: jesus christ
Tokie: its like a LOL party on the screen.
Baby Gurl: yes
Baby Gurl:
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH
HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Tokie: I'm blinded.
Baby Gurl: good hahalol

Tokie: sup?
Baby Gurl: my fart smiles goood
Tokie: your fart smiles good?

Baby Gurl: (8)lalalalaalallallalala
Baby Gurl: deeeedeeededededed
Tokie: are you on crack?
Baby Gurl: dudududuud
Baby Gurl: im singinh
Tokie: whoa. youre cool.

Baby Gurl: just live wit it
o4hpa: ill live with kickin your ass... thats what ill live with
Baby Gurl: no other way around
Baby Gurl: hah
o4hpa: htiw evil lli tahw staht ...ssa ruoy nikcik htiw evil lli?
Baby Gurl: can u spell engish
o4hpa: pay attention moron
o4hpa: you said the other way around so i typed it backwards
o4hpa: jesus christ! engish? way to make yourself look smart
o4hpa: dipshit.
Baby Gurl: lolololololololo

Work sucks:

Yeah okay. Jenn is not a drama queen. I promise. BUT FUCK. (BUTTFUCK . Hah. Oh wow I'm cool.)
I work at some shitty restaurant. Well, not shitty, but yah know? NEWAYZ. The staff is ALL CHICKS! ALL CHICKS OVER 30! (well except for me) And, most of them are stuck in perma-PMS mode. So much drama. No Mo' Drama. (whoa I'm awesome) So when you go to work someone's always bitching about someone else... or someone is always overly-happy or under-....pants.

Everyone likes me though because I'm wicked cool. Wicked. Cool.
So I get stuck being peace keeper. When really all I wanna do is beat the shit out of the old ladies and go home. With pay.

So Lynn is this really old lady and she is always crabby. She's from like England or something so she's really old and wrinkly and always saying "luv" in her stupid accent even though she really means fuck off. She thinks she's the boss, so right there we conflict egos. (I. Want. To. Kill.) But because I do everything right and am wickedly awesome, she lets me run things when she's gone to the "potty" or taking her osteoporosis pills.

Okay, so we hired some new lady... Today was the first day Lynn and whatsherface worked together. GREAT FUN. Apparently whatsherface asked "if she could help" and Lynn told her to like eat shit and die or something... So sissyface started all "Boo HOO! I'm an overly-emotional female that starts bawling when someone tells me that I have pepper in my teeth! Pity Me!" (actually it was more like, "Jennnnnnnnnnnn, Lynn's told me to go away! FIX IT! FIX IT! WAAAAAAHHHHH! I'm not talking to her ever again! Can you tell her that I hate her and I'm going to get my old man boyfriend to beat her with his cain?")

I ate her with a some garlic bread and a fine Chianti.
Problem solved.

Secrets people have told me:
No names here.... But yeah, I'm a blabbermouth.

________ dated/slept with a guy when she was dating (BF). Dated the guy she cheated with for a day before hopping in the sack with him. Her BF was with her for 6 months before... And still is. Doesn't know.

_______ lost her virginity at 14. Lied to the 22 year old and said she was 16. Came close to getting knocked up (yeah big deal hey?). Found out two years later she has AIDS.

________ became addicted to meth and coke at 16. Ended up in some private(prissy) rehab clinic in the hills and came out three years later. (yeah it took that long) only to go back on the streets to do it again...

Greg and I started drinking at 16. I used to party with him in highschool.
He died in a car crash last night... DUI.
-----------
I love Tracy when she brings bad fucking news. AHHHHHH. I hate you all. I hate everyone. Don't fucking drink and drive.

Jesus, we're dropping like flies.
------
The 100th SB email made me kinda happy.

on that happy note:

Happy Deathday!
Your name:	xxx-centric
You will die on:	Saturday, July 2, 2022
You will die of:	Electrocution
Username:
Created by Quill

I should update

Yeah, I know I should. But I'm temporarily wayyyy too cool to have time to update this site.

BLOG TIME:
I went out quading last night and got all tipsy in the bush with some buddies. We tried to get a fire going but we suck and there was too much damn snow around us, so we went back to Ashely's place because it was like -96 degrees outside and we drank and drank and drank and drank and fought.

Then at like 230 am I wanted to go home because I had to work today at 12pm. So I did and then I get a call from Brandy telling me that she's having this mega cool house party and everyone wants me to come over there and tell them jokes or something... so I do. I end up drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking and fighting some more. And falling down stairs.

But I was really entertaining. Which was good for them.

Anyways, as you can see I'm really wickedly awesome because the amount I party is directly linked to how cool I am when I'm between the ages of 16-25.
-------------------
Random thought of the day:

What do Canadian banks do with all the spare American change that travelers/me use because we forgot to exchange it with out big bills?
Think about it people... If you add up all the American nickels and stuff that the Canadian banks get from stores or restaurants and things, and you cash it all in for the equivalent Canadian currency, that's a lot of cash.

They should just collect it all up and give it to the poor. Or me.

I'm cool

If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.) If you read this sentence over and over again, you will realize I'm like the awesomest person that ever lived. (Yes, better than {whoever you're thinking of}.)

Just a note: "see ya tonight" really means never

What girls are REALLY thinking during sex:

If you last longer than 10 minutes, "more" pretty much means "are you done yet?".

OH MY GOD!= Write that down. Keep that for future reference.

When she says "mmmmm"...
You need to get your ass off the internet and find a hooker.

If she screams someone else's name, just pretend you never heard it.
Obviously, she's living out a fantasy, with someone that she likes, and his name just isn't whatever the hell your name is.

"You wanna do that?"- are you insane.

When you ask "was it good for you", if at any time during her response she uses the word "good" YOU HAVE TO SMARTEN THE HELL UP. Or that bouncer hottie that always hits on her, is gonna end up hittin'it.

If a chick actually wants you to leave the lights on, it means (a) she wants to make sure you're really a guy or (b) she wants you to see her super hot (insert body part here)
Regardless of what your mind leads you to believe, it's not because you're so hot she wants to see everything.
---------------------------------

What does a computer nerd scream from his window when his house is on fire?
F1! F1! F1! F1! F1!
I made that joke up all by myself. Jenn=comedic god.

See ya later tonight.

Spring Break sucks:

Everyone goes away for spring break. They go have fun, get drunk, strip, and sleep with lots of different people.

They all leave widdle me behind.

When I was a kid I used to get all excited for spring break. That was becase I used to stay home from school with my family and friends and do nothing but ride my bicycle around town. Good times, that was.

BUT NOW, I have no school to be on a break from, and all my friends leave me to ride my bicycle around town by myself. How cruel.

I guess I'm just bitter because I have to work at 5pm and then 2am and then 2pm again. It's going to be great fun. GREAT. FUN.
I wish I lived on the moon or something. HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE 'YO?
lolz.

So yeah, spring break sucks. Stay home and be cool like me. Maybe I'll entertain you.



Probably not.

Cameras piss me off:

I took a picture of me and Ashley laying in the snow... We layed there freezing for like ten minutes.
It didn't turn out.

I took a picture of me and Ashley standing on this like bench swing thing, it was so hard to stay still and not make it swing and fall off. We got the picture though.
It didn't turn out.

I took a picture of the scariest old house in the world. I thought it would look all artsy or whatever.
It didn't turn out.

I took pictures of me. They show up.
But they didn't turn out GOOD.

I wanted to bring it out today when we went for coffee.
My batteries died. In an hour.

I saw a sweet ass moose running in the field. I took like 8 pictures in a row. From a moving car, but still. You'd think one would be OKAY.
I managed to get a clear shot of his ass.

I have concluded that I am not a photographer. Please shoot me.
Edit: If you really wanna see some, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page.
Pretty bad huh? HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO.

She Bangs!

I am not one to sit around watching American Idol, or any TV for that matter, unless there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING else to do. So when Will Hung was the only topic on everyones mind, I had no freakin idea who the hell they were talking about. Of course, the awesomeness that is me, read a Yahoo story or something about this kid and was like: "Uhhh, that's nice." and I never thought about it again.

I went to like a zillion sites that offered the She Bangs! video dowload, but I seriously wasn't interested. I mean, I'm the only one in the world that hasn't seen ANY of the Paris Hilton tapes. It's not that I'm all reformed and modest and prissy, stuff like that just doesn't interest me.

Well I was driving around today, and guess what... I heard the radio version of She Bangs. I'm so mega impressed with this guy.(riiiiiiight) I seriously was sitting in the car, laughing my ass off 'yo. I thought it was pretty damn funny. But it was funny because it sucked. (Just when I thought no one could possibly sing worse than me.) I haven't seen the video, and probably never will... I don't download shit that I'm only going to watch once.

It's kinda funny, only kinda.
Can you tell I've had no professional training? Of writing.
hungwill.com

I broke the internet:

Jenn+anything computer related=bad news.


I'm cursed. First it was the keyboard. I had to live like 2 weeks without a B key. It was hell, or so I thought...
Last night I broke my phone jack. Yes, I am that stupid. For those of you that do not get the significance of this event, I have dial up. That needs a phone jack. This house sucks, it had ONE. (now three) So I had no internet for a whole day.

THIS IS A BIG FREAKIN DEAL, MMMMKAY?
I was dying. I live on the computer. I'm really cool.
I missed the =? and I missed the way Meranda goes "hey sexy." and I missed the www.(insertcoolsite).com. And I missed telling you about hot guys.

I tried playing solitaire... just so I could be close to my baby, but that sucked dick. So I sat and read the new issue of Blender. That was ok for ten minutes... then I watched feardotcom for the 89546546541654 time. It was still pretty lame. Then I sat and thought about what all my contacts were doing...talking on the internet to someone way cool, and I was sitting there watching damn tv. I cried for awhile, and then had a shower and went to work. I came home to meet the phone guy standing in my house. It was kinda weird.

BUT I HAVE DIAL UP AGAIN.
start/ YaaaaaaY! / end sarcasm.

In other news:

I've been brainwashed. By Brittany Spears.
That damn song toxic won't get out of my head. I hate it so much, but I love it at the same time. I found myself standing in Future Shop buying "in the zone." I wanted to kick my own ass, but I was too busy singing along. (blllahh blahhh bllllah blah blah cuz I know that you're toxic)

GUY STorY: As PRomISEd LOLZ!
It's pretty funny when guys that don't work at the store are trying to help you buy something. I think it's funny anyway. In a dorky way. (I was looking at computers. Some dude comes over and starts talking about RAM or something... wait, I wonder if that has a special meaning.)

Headaches suck dick.

My head hurts. Really bad. And I can't sleep, but I'm so tired.

Pity me. Pity me.

I "updated" the about me thingy. Have a look if you're really fucking bored.

Or you can be cool and play tic tac toe. It's fun. Trust me.
Sleep, then food, then shopping. Ill have hot guy stories later. MMMM MALL!
If you want cute boy stories/mall junk right now:
www.ninjapirate.com
EMAIL ME STUFF. LIKE SOUP.
AND LOVE LETTERS.

Canadian Currency:

First we have the bills:

100: Yellowy-brown kinda color. Sought after by many, taken by me.
I really like this bill because it's worth the most. DUH.

50: It's a faded red color, and seeing as red is my favorite color, it gets 6 thumbs up from me. And its worth more than pennies so it rules.

20: It's green. It reminds me of home.
In other words, it sucks. I'm burning 30 of them right now. GrEEn DAy RleuZ!!!11!

10: It's some purply-blue color.
It's gay.

5: Are blue.
Blue=sad=depressing=fuck off I don't want to hear about Canada's economical problems.

Then there are the coins:

TOONIES: What the hell does TWONEE mean? What is the correct spelling? Why do you un-yankees insist on turning every damn bill into a circular metal form?
I wonder if Canadians are aware that foreigners like to keep their pants on in public. Mine fell down 9 times after I crossed the border. Extra weight in pockets=BAD BAD BAD. Anyway, it's worth the LOONIE X 2.

LOONIE: Is named after my mother. HI MOM.

QUARTER: Quit stealing America's name for their change, damn you!

DIME: See above

Nickelback: Is Gay.

got a PENNY? I ate mine by mistake.

Cosmopolitan Magazine is the best thing ever:
So I was shopping today, standing at the checkout... Reading all the magazine covers. Fun stuff, that was. (Rosie O'Donnel MARRIED! The losers from the Bachelor are SPLIT UP! Jennifer Maxwell needs A LIFE!)

Anyway, I see the new issue of Cosmo, and being the "Fun. Fearless. Female." that I am, I picked it up.

It had nothing to do with catchy cover stories like: "skank alert" or "very fun things to do after sex" I swear. Or the fact that I adored the shirt that Julia Stiles is wearing. I WANT ONE. NOW.

I get home and throw it on my bed.
Because that's where magazines with ads containing people standing in their underwear go.

About six hours later, when I'm sitting in my chair talking to people on MSN, I pick it up. We all know that reading a magazine while trying to keep up on a conversation is a very polite thing to do.
After 30 pages of ads, we get to the first page of actual writing. What a great magazine.

First article: "The male brain explained." What an informative article it was, too. I learned that guys have hearts, heads, and sex drive. Too bad the word brain wasn't in anything other than the title. Women learn something new everyday...

Then they try to teach us Fun. Fearless. Females. more new tricks,
Cosmo commandments for March:
10 bad ways to get over a guy:
1. {something only stupid chicks would do}
2. something about self-pity. What the fuck is that?
3. Purchase a devil. (cat)
4-10 omitted because I don't like to waste time typing out boring shit that I didn't write.
I'm sure without cosmo, sad girls would run around being stupid and buying cats. Thank you for making it clear to all of us what we should not be doing when a guy dumps us. (probably because we read some stupid magazine for relationship tips)

Wait! Do I see a redeeming and original article idea? / end sarcasm.
Ask cosmo anything:
"I have a serious problem! I can't seem to orgasm without thinking of a dirty old man touching me. I never date older guys, but I fantasize about them all the time, even when I'm with my young, very hot boyfriend. Please help me!"
some cosmo writer says: Blah blah blah. You're really cool and pretty and smart and a Fun. Fearless. Female. I can tell by your letter.
what I say: Go stand on a corner in your city, wait until some old bum asks you for spare change. Then tell him no, but you'll gladly give him a cum bath in your backseat. Have fun with your dirty old man, and give me your "young, hot boyfriend's" phone number.

Cosmopolitan also thinks that every girl in the world cares about celebrity clothing/makeup/boob jobs/collagen injections.
Some news from the Cosmo Informers:
1. The Olsen twins aren't identical twins, they're fraternal.
I'm sure that females really care. They're rich. They're pretty. They're almost old enough to pose for playboy. That's all that matters.

2. Cosmo thinks that Ryan Crapfest is the new Carson Daly.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY ON?

3. Brittany Spears needs more clothes, and less makeup.
Well put.

4. Pamela Anderson got lip collagen.
And listen to the great joke they came up with:
"How can her lips be fake when the rest of her is so real?"
HAH. Very. Funny.


Cosmo asks: Is he a player?
"Think your man is sneaking around? Look at this list because we know everything about guys."
1. If he does something nice like let his cell phone go to voice mail when you're alone at a restaurant and he's trying to pay attention to you, he's obviously hiding the fact that he has 900 other girlfriends. Guys that want to be polite are obviously cheating.
2. If he only wants to hump at your place, he's married, because we know that all guys keep their house in tip-top condition and there's no reason he couldn't take you back to his house for a scronkin'. We know that there's no stashes of porn laying on his bedroom floor that you could accidentally find when you're trying to get hot and heavy. Guys that don't like to take you to their super clean homes are obviously cheating.
3. If you don't talk to him for more than 48 hours, he's got other chicks rocking his socks right now. The only solution to this is to call 900 times a day, just because we all know that calling and talking to guys about nothing is not annoying at all. They love to hear from you every five minutes. If you can't talk to you guy in two days, he's obviously cheating.
4. If he doesn't check his email with you around, he's hiding something. It couldn't be all the porn sites he subscribes to that he doesn't want you to see. But you don't have to show him your email because you have secret frilly girlie things that no guy needs to see. If he can't show you his email he's obviously cheating.
5. If you have a "hunch" he's obviously cheating.

There ya have it folks, Cosmo knows everything.
I have a new favorite magazine.

(AutoTrader)

FUCK FUCK FUCK:
Okay maybe not... but you get the point right?

Today was... umm purrrrrfect. Yeah, that's it.
ofgm! Canada rocks my socks.
To the limit.

11. Reasons. Why. I. Like. Canada. More than {insert your country here}:

10. HAHA! See, the title was #11. This is another wasted number too!
WOW I'M COOL.

9. It's got hot guys. And pretty hot/nice chicks. But there's lots of hot guys.

8. Snow makes me wet. NO WAIT. Not like that... melted snow+jenn's pant cuffs=soggy mess. But it's cool to kick around in snow. And it's sparkly-purdy.

7. Better pizza. Mikie's has the bestest Greek pizza in the world. IN THE WORLD, MAN!
Like totally.

6. Mommy can give me more money this way.
Actually, I just plan on eating lots of Greek pizza, getting fat and faking a disability, and I'll sit and do nothing while the Canadian government sends me fat cheques in the mail.

5. Legal drinking age in Alberta= 18.
Nuff' said.

4. Hot guys.

3. Buttons.
For hot guys.

2. My mom. HI MOM!

1. Me. Because, face it people, I'm what makes Canada a great state.