Happy Damn New Year

YAY for you guys. You are now so awesome, going out and getting wrecked on the first day of the year. Is it me, or does this sound like a stupid way to start the new year? Why go get loaded when you can do something really producive? I'm sure that everyone has tasks that are yet to be completed from the past year. (If you don't, spent this day looking for a life)

Or do some of these really cool things:

1. Be a saint. Find a sick old man and give him a handjob. (this is for those chicks that think acting like a whore will actually get you real friends/respect) Giving some guy the only sex he's gonna have before he dies is a great way for all you sluts to make yourself think that you did something to better the community, thus making your new year worthwhile. (and if you must party, get drunk and do it. I'm sure that this will be no problem. Offer the guys sexual favors, and you'll have free booze faster than you can say "I take it up the ass")

2. Tell some mediocre chick that's she's fine. Fuck her, then tell her that you really like her, but she's way too good for you. This will work for the girl (she gets to think she's hot, and that guys really want her) and the guy (gets laid). For those of you guys saying that "this never works", I know it does... Tracy falls for it all the time, I'll give you her phone number.

3. Give your mom a present. Make her do your laundry. She thinks you still need her, and you don't have to do fucking laundry. This applies only to people within the 18-25 demographic for obvious reasons. Your mom will tell you to go to hell if you show up at her doorstep with your dirty boxers/shitty thongs when you are 30.

4. Wear your old Halloween costume. This is so cool because if you do one or two in your old costume, (1.whore/2.Orgasmo) maybe people will look at you so funny. (maybe people will look at you period, you ugly freak) *If you are really that bad, your costume probably consisted of a mask already. You must love Halloween, the only day you get to hide your ugly ass.*

5. Stay awake all night and talk to people on the internet. Be an anti-social bitch and piss and moan to strangers about your lack of a social life. Even try typing in random screen names and fight with clueless people about things they did to you last night. It makes for some funny stuff, trust me. Did I mention I'm an anti-social bitch and I piss and moan to strangers about my lack of a social life? I once was so desperate I typed in a random screen name and started fighting with them, just to say that someone talked to me.

By the way: Happy New Year... You'd better not be drinking and driving. I will personally come and kick your ass.

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Tell me something really cool

I added a shoutbox (for all of you stupid people that did not see it already) for you guys to chat with your friends/me about stuff, and so I can make fun of you. Leave your URL and I guarantee two more hits! (just two, if you get more you owe me money) Go say something NOW! I need to see if there is something fuckered about the HTML codes, hence no scrollbar for it at the moment. I think that the scrollbar only works when there is some content to scroll, SO GO PROVE ME RIGHT.
Real update to come later, gotta think of something to bitch about.

Are you a nerd?

take this test

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 92% Average@Internet-User.com (81% - 100%) You seem to have an addiction. Jennifer you really suck. Even cats are way cooler than you. Computer nerds get way more action. No wonder you are single, you are reprehensable. Jesus kid... GET A FUCKING LIFE!

I'm kidding. I only got 47%. WHAT? I'm serious! STOP LAUGHING!

How people find my site:

1. I tell them to go or I will kill them

2. GM forums= more than likely looking for nude pictures

3. Various comments that I leave all over the place

4. Smart friends telling their friends that I rule(word of mouth)

And the icing on the cake:

5. searching for things like:
ass fucking, farm girls fucking dogs, xxx little girls, please fuck me, and little girls fucking.

I want your opinion:

For those of you that don't know me, I am currently in college. I want to be a lawyer. This takes a lot of time. School sucks, and I'm not sure if I should stay here. I made this poll so you could tell me if you think women make good lawyers. (like me) Please answer this poll, from which I will base none of my decisions. Thank you for letting me waste your time.

Should women be lawyers?

Hell Yeah! They fight untill they die! I really could give a shit... No way! One word: PMS No one, under ANY circumstances: should ever be a lawyer.

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Grand Opening's suck:

Why the hell do stores feel the need to have a "Grand Opening?" Do they serve a purpose? NO.
Ok, some of you are saying "Jennifer, you're wrong. They make more people aware of the new store." FUCK THAT SHIT! If this were true why would most stores wait a month before they have the "opening?" (because managers are stupid)

Ever try shopping at a store that was having their grand Opening? God damn, you need to pack a gun just to get through the aisles. You are surrounded by stupid people talking and drinking *complementary coffee*, they are not shopping, they are not looking at all the stuff the "new" store has to offer. They're all lounging around giving all of the girls unfortunate enough to not read the paper (me, the only damn day when I decide to go shopping in my P.J's) dirty looks. They should close the damn store for business when they have these social events because for the poor souls that actually have something to accomplish at this store, (mainly shop before class) IT IS HELL.

P.S: Hi Tracy! You are just so funny, I felt I must tell everyone about you... Come on, you probably read it wrong, we all know you can't read.

WHAT THE HELL?

Funny thing I want all of you to know:
I was looking through my refferal lists today. Guess who was among the highest? A GOSPEL SITE! Seeing as I have made it very clear that I like neither country (sounding) music or anyone that likes God, I really feel for those people that clicked the link. NOT! (just imagine going from that site to this one... MUAHAHAHA)

If you (the owner) are reading this, it was very nice of you to link me or something. I went to your site to see if I was linked/hated, and I could not find anything. (maybe I'm blind) I know I'm your guilty pleasure and all of your bible thumping friends are going to stone you to death now. I'm sorry, I would much rather sacrifice a thumper for the sake of a laugh for all of my sane readers.

So thanks again... and you suck.
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Week one is done:

If you are returning visitor to this site you will notice that I did some hard-ass labor here. I cut and pasted all the fucked up letters and made this site a little less nauseating. You all owe me sex. Except for Nathan, and Jeef because they typed the letters for me to cut. You two are now the coolest people that spend a lot of time on MSN.
Now go click these links, I'm making you. GO DAMMIT!

Ok. Story time. Sit in a circle my children. (shutup about all the obvious MJ references)
Yesterday I was out with my friends. Wait. You should know about my close friends first:

Tracy: Is a borderline schizophrenic. (diagnosed by me) She acts like she is on crack, but I am fairly confidant that she does not touch any illegal substances. Tracy is prone to loud outbursts where she shouts obscenities at cars/dogs/trees. It does make her quite funny, and I laugh at her daily.

Amanda: Tracy's cousin, therefore inherited a lot of nonsense traits. Amanda can spread the shit like a spatula. This can be good when you are around police. (IE: Tracy, Amanda, and I were stopped one summer day while making prank phone calls *on a payphone* to 911. When asked about them, Amanda pipes up, "That's terrible. We saw some kids by the phone earlier. It couldn't have been us, we don't know the number.")
P.S: another note about the calls: Tracy's call consisted of the following:"Help, I'm having a seizure! A SEIZURE!" This was followed by the operator asking:" Right ma'am. How are you talking?" Tracy's response: "Shutup bitch, you're not supposed to talk back. ARRG I'M DEAD NOW, THANKS TO YOU!"

Ashley: A lot like me. I love her, in a non-lesbian way. We are the two that sit on the sidelines and make sure that neither Amanda or Tracy throw themselves into a sewer or something. *NOTE: the two have contemplated this. They wanted to go down to "look for alligators". I swear both of them are 19.*

OK. Story is, I went out last night.

You owe me! Are you hot?
Hater!(are you hot because you still owe me)
Don't forget to rate my site!

I'm lazy, so go read other people's work:

Funny Family Guy quotes
Funny old guy anwsering emails from other old people. It's good, click it.
FUNNY
If Dr. Seuss wrote StarTrek
Fun things to do with your microwave
I'll update later, I'm not interesting right now.
Goodnight people.

Wanna go two-steppin?

Do you like country? If so, you are gay. What the hell makes this genre successful? Why do you like listening to people whine about how they lost their dog/wife/house/money/sense of good music? Don't get me wrong, there are some songs that are awesome and are about these topics. (Johnny Cash) But when I am listening to someone like Shania I WANT TO KILL. I know why she's successful, because she's hot. That's it. Honestly, she is known by many for her looks... not her songs.
Whatever... If you are going to act country:
DO IT RIGHT

How to make yourself into a toad thumper:
(haha, that's good hey? I made it up just then. COPYRIGHTED)

Be a farmer:
Shutup all ya'll. I know that not all farmers are stupid. If you want to be a true country person, you need a farm, and a little brown jug.

Wear Overalls:
This is important for the "I'm from the country" look. When you get dressed up (those special days when you put a shirt under them) for a ho-down, they will catch all of the sauce drips from your chicken/beard.

Have a straw cowboy hat:
You ALWAYS need to look like you just got done doing really hard farm work. The straw hat compliments the overalls well, and looks great when you are carrying a pitchfork with you to the movies *in town*. (You never want people to think that you want to waste your time seeing Finding Nemo when you could be doing much more producitve farm work, like pitching bails to the cows.

You must have an old rusty Ford:
The vechicle you drive is very important. You must show up in an rusty "farm truck" whenever you choose to leave your farm. The rust signifies the fact that you are hard working and don't like to waste your money on pretty/non-country possesions. The fact that it's a Ford signifies that you are too stupid to purchase a truck that is not going to have to be repaired daily.

Anything else? Do you want to shoot me with your *farm gun*? If there is anything I can do to help, email me.
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Hate me? You're funny looking!

Cool article I want you all to read:

Read this: This guy took the words right out of my mouth.

Guys are lucky ducks. I wish I could get off looking at chicks, then I would be set.
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Real update for the day to come when I get an idea.

Wait, I didn't swear in this post yet.....
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.
And I'm spent...

UPDATE: I have Brains

YAY. I was smart enough to contact my ISP and get my email password changed. While I was checking my email, I came across a reply from Mr. Ryan Perry about the guest post I asked him to do. YAY! He's gonna make me look like a loser; HE'S GOING TO DO THE POST! As for the topic, you will have to wait untill the tenth. Be sure that it is going to be WAY better than anything I'll ever write. RP rules!
Click this link now, or I will kill you

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I really, really suck.

Yesterday I spilled water on my key13oard. I as a result no longer have a 13 13utton, or a >< 13utton. I suck. I cannot even sign into MSN to talk to people that I could just walk to see. I have't checked my email in a whole day now... IT'S KILLING ME1. (that means e_clamation mark, my good 1 is gone too.)
I haven't talked to some special people in a whole damn day. I miss them already. If this comment 13o_ 13ecomes a way for me to communitcate with my friends and you don't like it, fuck you.

I miss talking to people with out having to use stupid 13... and stuff. I don't type like this. I want to kill myself. I sound like a 13 year old. I'm sorry that I'm even making you read this shit. 13ut if I don't say it, I will go cra_y. (fill in the motherfucking 13lank)
ARRRRRG1. This tourture for me1. The only thing I have left is AOL. (if youre on any of my contact lists, add me to your AOL list, if I'm not there already.*Jennifer965846*)

Like me? Don't 13other sending me an email!
Hate me? Don't 13other sending me an email!
Someone fucking shoot me in the ass for 13eing such an idiot.

Cyber Sex Anyone? Yeah? FUCK YOU

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Today is worship your God day:

Happy Happy Joy Joy for all you God fearing people. Today is ____ (his/her/it's) day.

Seeing as I am an atheist, I will be worshipping nothing but my life, friends, internet, dogs, Homestar, and chocolate milk. I think that this going to be a fairly decent holiday. I got sweet JVC home theater speakers from my mommy dearest.(bringing my current total to 8 speakers) God damn she rules. I get to drag my ass outta bed really early and go eat lots of sugary food, shutup... this is not a typical day for me! *wink wink*
Then I get to gain 30lbs when I eat supper! YAY! I love turkey..... so I'll be a gobble gobbling'. (me so funny) I'm actually pretty damn lucky. I have a family, friends, food, and, dare I say school. When you think about it.... we all have it good, and not very many people realize it. Oh well..."I'm glad I'm from a 1st world country."

Now what the hell are you doing here? Go watch Homestar
A Decemberween Pageant
The best Decemberween ever
... or go hang out with your annoying family. You choose.

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UPDATE: I suck ass at wrapping presents

YAY! In the spear-it of the season, I, like many other had to wrap shit up in gay paper. It was fun though, I got to massacre Santa! Man is cutting heads off of things fun! The presents I wrapped looked like a pile of dog shit. Yes Seriously, blobs of paper with parts of the box sticking out. Not pretty at all. To give you unimaginative kiddies an idea what I mean I drew a picture.
I totally rule. Cinnamon buns are good.
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Jesus: eat a dick

HAHA! Today is fucking Christmas eve. WOO HOO! This sucks.
I hate Christmas.(From here on referred to as Gayday.) Gayday sucks my ass for buttons in more ways than one. First off, why the hell do we have a holiday celebrating someone that no living person can verify EVER EXISTED? Can I have a birthday party for my unborn son and make the whole world celebrate it? I didn't think so.
Gayday is not religious celebration for most of the world nowadays, it's all about the presents. If the holiday was an actual event where masses of people got together and worshiped their god; not all the shit they got for free, then I think I could respect it a little more. When did god tell you to buy people stupid things that they don't need? It's also really sad that some people actually go into debt trying to make this Gayday good. They rack up $1000's of dollars in credit card debts, and the have to be anorexic for the next 3 months.
Ya know what? I think I know why I hate Gayday! Because ( I get socks for Christmas)I'm a cynical, bitter bitch.

Here is something awesome:
He just updated today! I'm in love with the way this guy thinks

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Am I the only one in the world that still uses proper grammar?

Is it just me or has the English language gone to shit because of *kewl* internet slang? I think that it is about time for the President to declare a state of emergency. It's getting pretty bad when you have people starting IM conversations by saying "RARRRRR." Someone please tell me what the hell that means! Is that a hello?(what's sad is that is coming from a 19 year old male)
I think I would understand this slang if it made you look smarter, but when someone says "sup" to me the only thing I think is: IDIOT. I don't think I'm alone on this either. So please, if any of your net friends talk like this, KILL THEM. Stupid people suck my ass for buttons.

I hope to fuck that I never have to be a teacher in the future, if computer language is going to *progress* to this, I would go psychotic and wreck all their computers or something. (ha, no more bad grammar for you kiddies!!) The fact that this is becoming acceptable is insane to me. If you have the motor skills to turn on the computer, and find a way to get contacts to add to your buddy lists, then I think that you can be considered capable of intelligent thought, and also intelligent typing skills. When I have a conversation like this, the first thing I do is wait to see if maybe it was a mistake or they are only doing it to see what way I talk on the net, If they do not correct themselves and continue to talk in the computer language I like to call *stupid*, I find the block button. When someone that you are talking to says dumb stuff like sup? ect.., it makes me think that they do not value the conversation enough to add some decent thoughts to it, and thus making me want to talk to them less and less. You know the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.", well I think that it should be adapted and put to use on the net. Something like: "If you don't have anything smart to say, don't bother wasting the 2 seconds it takes to type out LOL."

LATER
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UPDATE: I'm so glad I know smart people

YAY for my shitty site! You can now hate me without taking the time to write me an email! So comments galore, here I come! (probably all of my own) No thanks to me of course, I did almost nothing to make this happen. (Thanks Hun!)
So: wanna see the master?
click here
and here
and here too
don't forget here
and here just for fun

ARRHHGG! Blogger makes me so angry!

Well seeing as I have just been given a new toy, free of charge, I feel I must make it very clear that I despise it. I HATE THIS LITTLE BLOG! It makes me want to buttfuck my computer. I do not like it at all, for reasons I have yet to come up with. I really want a comment link thing, but YAY for me! I'm too stupid to fiqure out this template and put one in! I suck ass for pennies. (If you have any idea why the hell I am so dumb, email me and be my tech. support) I can't think of any interesting posts now, and it's only been one damn day. I told you, I'm gonna end up on losers dot org. It's just not fair. I have only now begun my journey into the blog world, and I'm sure that I'm the laughing stock of it. If you are cool, email me and tell me how to be cool too. I think I can learn... or something. Tomorrow I will try to come up with something witty to please my 2 readers with, I PROMISE. *crosses fingers*
Here are 3 sites I go to ALL the time:
Beej is hot and funny
The second best page in the Universe
Join the forums! I'm there!
And I'm spent... goodnight my two nameless guests! I love you!
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LOTTO=YOU ARE STUPID

Why do people insist on wasting their money on lottery tickets? I mean really, what is the point? I cannot see any reason why spending $5 a week on pieces of paper with numbers on it is a good idea. Does it give you a feeling of doing something good like helping the poor? NO! Does it give you anything in return? BARELY EVER! You stand a better chance of getting money if you rob me, and I'm always broke.

I've seen some people stand in line at the grocery store, waiting just to buy lottery tickets. Seeing as they are in a grocery store, you would think that there is something better that they could be doing with this money, LIKE MAYBE BUYING GROCERIES! But no, these people cling onto the idea that they are going to strike it rich by spending $5 a week, everyday of their legal lives, and finally actually winning something where the odds are close to 1 in 12,000,000.00. I dont see the point, just think about all of the money that the average person will spend in their lives. Say that a person buys 1 ticket every week from the age of 18 untill they are 75, at five dollars a ticket. This means that in their lifetime they have given another person more than $5000 of their hard earned money! Is it just me, or does the thought of that number leaving your pocket willingly make you alittle angry? I dont think that I would mind so much if the person that won it actually needed it. Most of the time the *winners* are from middle-class homes, married, and are living fairly decent lives. What's sad is that I've seen people take money out of their small welfare checks and buy these stupid tickets thinking that maybe god will shine down on them and let them actually win. It's sad that these people are suckered in by these dumb comercials, like "Pick 3 is up to 10 million, go buy a ticket NOW", and go hungry for a week a month because they spend that $20 on the lottery.

Maybe I think too logically, maybe I should just ease up on these people. I tell every person I know that buys lotto tickets that if they ever win the amount of money back that they have spent on them, I will never speak of it again.. so far that hasn't happened. I WONDER WHY!

Anyway, I know one thing, I will never spend any cash of my own on stupid things like the lottery,..... and I think I should get a licence and run one of my own!! I'll call it: "The lottery where you just give me the money that you are going to spend on lotto tickets"..... sounds like a good plan to me.

LATER
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Top ten things in life I hate the most:

10. Scary old people that try to talk to you and tell you that you are beautiful when you dont know them, and you're out with your friends.

9. Shopping in a music store that plays oldies.

8. People that always have to be right, and try to impose their ideas on you, even if you know that logically their idea blows.

7. Going to a great website that once was pop-up/ad free and seeing that you are now bombarded by stupid ads and things that are no longer fun/good.

6. Having to pee and there is no bathroom around.

5. Getting sick and throwing up.

4. Fake bands that get paid to lip-sync

3. Stupid people that cannot hold up their end of an intelligent conversation so they say things like: "Wow" or "Umm, thats great, I love that too!" or "That's really interesting." when they don't even know what you are talking about.

2. People that ask stupid questions when they already know the anwser, and are just trying to make conversation. Boring.

1.Sleeping in, and then feeling tired for the whole day when you slept more than a normal person would in 2 days.
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