Ten ways to reject someone:

10. If a semi-ugly guy asks for your phone number and you just know you could never fuck him, say something like " I already have a boyfriend."

9. Just say " I don't have a phone number. Give me yours, I'll call you"

8. Tell him that you're really busy and you don't have time for a guy right now.

7. Walk. Away. Fast.

6. Laugh really cute and make him want you more.

5. Say you've already got a fuckbuddy.

4. Tell him you're 12 years old. (my favorite, you seriously have to watch the jaw drop, and then they get it and add in a half-assed laugh to make themselves look "cool")

3. Say NO really loud and act pissed off.

2. Tell them if they can find you, then they can keep you, and run to your friend's house.

1. Embarrass him infront of the whole restaurant, and say no really loud and then laugh at him.

Ususally when someone asks for my number I just laugh it off and walk away with a trying-to-be-nice "sorry man. You're not my type" or something.

And in my line of work, you get used to guys drooling over you. Hell, even the waiters get used to guys drooling over them. When you're a waitress you put up with a lot of "subtle" sexual harassment. So when you walk to a table and ask "can I get you guys anything else" and one of them pipes up " yeah, your phone number please" You would think that you would be able to just roll with it and say "nope. mes ams retarded."

USUALLY that's how it goes.

But not today, oh no. I don't know what the hell got into me, or why I decided to snap and make an ass out of another human being infront of a shitload of people.
(probably because he was not hot.) I know, me shallow. Maybe it was the MISSING TEETH, or the fact that SOMEONE AT THAT TABLE SMELLED HORRIBLE.

Conversation went as follows:

me: can I get you guys anything else?
fugly: yeah, your phone number please.
me: LOUDLY SHOUTS: are you crazy? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. LOSER.
fugly: whoa, hahaha (people are staring at him now) Starts the routine "cool" save.
fugly: what about an address? (courtesy laugh) last name? (more courtesy laughs) ass grab?
me: (everyone is listening) Dude. No thanks. You stink.
me: I SMACK HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE FUCKING MENUS IN MY HAND.

This is when he decides to go to the bathroom. People around me are laughing and staring. I burst into laughter and proceed to tell the rest of my co-workers.
I swear to god I laughed for like half an hour.

Needless to say, I don't think he'll be back anytime soon.

I am awesome. Bow down.

True story.
Don't you all love me even MORE now?

ok. I fixed my email link. ( i swear i did it on purpose) and decided to go with blogger comments. bad news: all old comments DELETED.