Happy Damn New Year

YAY for you guys. You are now so awesome, going out and getting wrecked on the first day of the year. Is it me, or does this sound like a stupid way to start the new year? Why go get loaded when you can do something really producive? I'm sure that everyone has tasks that are yet to be completed from the past year. (If you don't, spent this day looking for a life)

Or do some of these really cool things:

1. Be a saint. Find a sick old man and give him a handjob. (this is for those chicks that think acting like a whore will actually get you real friends/respect) Giving some guy the only sex he's gonna have before he dies is a great way for all you sluts to make yourself think that you did something to better the community, thus making your new year worthwhile. (and if you must party, get drunk and do it. I'm sure that this will be no problem. Offer the guys sexual favors, and you'll have free booze faster than you can say "I take it up the ass")

2. Tell some mediocre chick that's she's fine. Fuck her, then tell her that you really like her, but she's way too good for you. This will work for the girl (she gets to think she's hot, and that guys really want her) and the guy (gets laid). For those of you guys saying that "this never works", I know it does... Tracy falls for it all the time, I'll give you her phone number.

3. Give your mom a present. Make her do your laundry. She thinks you still need her, and you don't have to do fucking laundry. This applies only to people within the 18-25 demographic for obvious reasons. Your mom will tell you to go to hell if you show up at her doorstep with your dirty boxers/shitty thongs when you are 30.

4. Wear your old Halloween costume. This is so cool because if you do one or two in your old costume, (1.whore/2.Orgasmo) maybe people will look at you so funny. (maybe people will look at you period, you ugly freak) *If you are really that bad, your costume probably consisted of a mask already. You must love Halloween, the only day you get to hide your ugly ass.*

5. Stay awake all night and talk to people on the internet. Be an anti-social bitch and piss and moan to strangers about your lack of a social life. Even try typing in random screen names and fight with clueless people about things they did to you last night. It makes for some funny stuff, trust me. Did I mention I'm an anti-social bitch and I piss and moan to strangers about my lack of a social life? I once was so desperate I typed in a random screen name and started fighting with them, just to say that someone talked to me.

By the way: Happy New Year... You'd better not be drinking and driving. I will personally come and kick your ass.

Like me? Send me an email!
Hate me? Send me an email!