Wanna go two-steppin?

Do you like country? If so, you are gay. What the hell makes this genre successful? Why do you like listening to people whine about how they lost their dog/wife/house/money/sense of good music? Don't get me wrong, there are some songs that are awesome and are about these topics. (Johnny Cash) But when I am listening to someone like Shania I WANT TO KILL. I know why she's successful, because she's hot. That's it. Honestly, she is known by many for her looks... not her songs.
Whatever... If you are going to act country:
DO IT RIGHT

How to make yourself into a toad thumper:
(haha, that's good hey? I made it up just then. COPYRIGHTED)

Be a farmer:
Shutup all ya'll. I know that not all farmers are stupid. If you want to be a true country person, you need a farm, and a little brown jug.

Wear Overalls:
This is important for the "I'm from the country" look. When you get dressed up (those special days when you put a shirt under them) for a ho-down, they will catch all of the sauce drips from your chicken/beard.

Have a straw cowboy hat:
You ALWAYS need to look like you just got done doing really hard farm work. The straw hat compliments the overalls well, and looks great when you are carrying a pitchfork with you to the movies *in town*. (You never want people to think that you want to waste your time seeing Finding Nemo when you could be doing much more producitve farm work, like pitching bails to the cows.

You must have an old rusty Ford:
The vechicle you drive is very important. You must show up in an rusty "farm truck" whenever you choose to leave your farm. The rust signifies the fact that you are hard working and don't like to waste your money on pretty/non-country possesions. The fact that it's a Ford signifies that you are too stupid to purchase a truck that is not going to have to be repaired daily.

Anything else? Do you want to shoot me with your *farm gun*? If there is anything I can do to help, email me.
Like me? Yippie Ki Yay!
Hate me? You're funny looking!