Did you know

that eating toothpaste is not a good idea. Even when there's no jam to put on your toast. No matter how much money someone is willing to pay you.

being a whore will get you somewhere. You fuck 'n' chuck your way to the top. Face it ladies, it works. No matter how much you say you're against it, secretly you really want to do it. All females say the same thing, yet we all mean exactly the opposite. If every chick would just stop playing games and come out with the truth, the ones that already sleep with everything on two legs wouldn't look so bad.

dogs are good for a lot of things. Like crying on when you're sad. Beating up when you're mad, or taking them for a walk late at night and letting them shit on your ex's doorstep.

makeup is the only way a girl will leave the house 99% of the time. Males need to just accept the fact that chicks live in a huge cloud of face powder. Even the ones that don't need/say they don't want to wear makeup, DO. I know because I just fucking know. All girls wear makeup. If you can't tell they are, they usually are wearing a lot.

girls should stop buying hairspay. It's sticky, it smells funny, and it makes your hair look all messed up. There are exceptions to this rule though, like when you're putting your hair up in some fancy updo. Hairspray should only be used as a)self defense, or b) to make your hairstyle last three days.

any guy that wears adidas moves is so going to get laid all the time. Well at least from me anyway. Fuck axe or whatever that shit is. It's too strong. ADIDAS.

fresh ground pepper tastes way better than anything that comes pre-ground. I eat peppercorns by themselves! They're soopppppp good! I'm cool. Don't believe anything I just said.

One time at band camp actually is a pretty funny way to start any sentence.
examples: "One time at band camp Nancy died." "One time at band camp I have to go to the mall." "One time at band camp sorry I'm washing my hair tonight." "One time at band camp I found a box today."

"One time at band camp I couldn't think of an ending sentence so I just did this."