I have serious mental problems:

Sometimes I think I'm a turkey. It's great. Just today I was out for coffee and making turkey nosies. I'm cool

I eat tofu.

I was going to let Tracy update for me. That's just sad. What the hell was I thinking?

My middle name is Amber. As in red. As in fucking gay. As in I'm a turkey. BACHSQUAH!

I'm going to link some more people. Because they emailed me. Yes, stupid little me for a link. I'm not cool. Why do they want their site to bear the link to XXX-CENTRIC?
(really means XXX-RETARDED-ramblings of a turkey)

I have a nose. What the hell is up with that? I mean, right now it's good for nothing. I can't smell. And I'm a fucking retarded turkey.

My name is Jennifer. Yes, I'm that Jennifer. The one that was mean to you in high school. The one that wore stupid skirts to be "pretty." The fucking little bitch that went to all the dances and just sat there because it was fun to piss the guys off when they wanted to dance with me. Dancing is for fucking pansies.

I just said pansies. I'm an idiot.

I have a white tee shirt! Isn't that stupid?? I mean, come on! WHITE!!? What the fuck was going through my head when I bought it?

Chicklets are great.

I wrote a fucking paper for Tracy. What the fuck? I even went through the trouble of typing it in "stupid" so it would be inconspicuoslkjdfniliwesjd;lf. (I can't spell and spell check makes me less confidant.)

Cigarettes are a great de-stresser.

It is really uncomfortable to talk about your friends sex life when you don't screw every guy that you see. Hi Tracy! So where are you right now? OOO! I know! In a truck probably parked in the bush getting your "whore on."

Wait. That would mean it would have to turn off from time to time. MY BAD.

I'm moving soon so fuck you all. Kiss my shiny plastic butt! (movie lines....watching the Bride of Chucky. No idea why. Boredom maybe?)

Green Day rocks my socks.

Sweet dreams asshole. (more movie lines. I could go on all night)