Get with the times people:

Ever waited in line at a store while some asshole is writing a cheque? My god, it makes me want to whip out the pistol and cause a ruckas. Some people still think it's ok to write things by hand, what the hell is wrong with them? In this day and age computers type everything into universal understandable writing. No messy-writing shit at all.

Writing out cheques is like kicking me in the junk. It takes longer that usual, (most smart people can work a PIN pad in seconds) and I fucking hate waiting for your untechnological ass at the grocery store. Some much cooler people have things to do. When I'm standing there, econo-pack of condoms in hand*, (getting ready for my super cool weekends) the last thing I want to see is a motherfucking line building behind me because of you.

Some of you are saying "what if: I'm old and I don't see well/can't remember my information/I'm a fucking stupid idiot?"
My response:
If you are old don't leave the damn house. No one likes you and you are just really annoying. Having the clerk repeat themselves to you is a pain in the ass. While some like screaming in your ear for practice, most want to hit you with your damn cain and throw you out of the fucking store.

Can't remember shit? I'll fix that. Bend over, and I'll shove my FUCKING FOOT UP YOUR ASS.
Seriously, if you can't remember 4 numbers and your account type, you need to be shot. For those of you kids that think having a 27 digit PIN is cool; you, as well need to be shot. Most of the time you screw up one damn number and have to do it again.

You are an idiot? Move to my (soon to be) country! You'll love it. So will the guy that shoots you...

The next time someone writes a cheque in front of me, I'm gonna go all high tech on their ass. I'll lend them my credit card, and in return they will let me beat the dollar amount out of them. Hey, that's a good idea. I wouldn't mind buying poor people groceries if I got to beat them to a pulp, someone should start a charity like that.

Need food? Contact me:FEED ME
(* God damn sarcasm. I don't want all the "Jenn that's the coolest/gayest thing any chick has ever said" mail.) So send me mail about how cool/gay it was of me to say that:
Jenn, that's the coolest thing a chick has ever said
Jenn, that's the gayest thing a chick has ever said